Woman Refuses To Comfort Cheating Sister Who Stole Her Boyfriend After His Sudden Death

Content Warning: Cheating, Affair, Grieving Process, Late Husband, Estranged Family, No Contact

Everyone has their own way of grieving when they lose a loved one, but the point that we all have to remember is that there are different ways of losing someone we care deeply about.

When we're betrayed by a loved one in a way that severs that connection forever, we'll have to go through grieving that relationship, too, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor ElkRevolutionary2577 cared deeply about her first love in high school, and she was excited for her older sister when it seemed like her life was beginning when she got pregnant.

But when she found out that the father of the baby was none other than her boyfriend, who her sister had been seeing behind her back, she lost her sister, her best friend, and her first love in a single moment.

No matter what the family tried to say about "making mistakes when you're young," the Original Poster (OP) knew in her heart that her sister would never be her sister to her again, and she grieved accordingly.

She asked the sub:

"AITAH for keeping no contact with my sister after her husband, my ex, died?"

The OP's relationship with her family changed when her sister cheated with her boyfriend.

"When I (22 Female) was 14, I started dating Jace, who was 15 at the time. We were together for three years. We'd known each other for years, and I always had the biggest crush on him."

"My sister Lauren (23 Female now), then 15, knew. She was one of my best friends, and I thought we'd told each other everything."

"But Lauren and Jace were cheating behind my back, and Lauren got pregnant. I didn't know at first and was the first person she told, and I supported her."

"It was only after she told our parents and they pushed her to say who the father was that she confessed."

"I broke up with Jace, who didn't care. He was done with me and wanted Lauren anyway."

"Lauren kept begging me to forgive her for hurting me and begging me to stay close to her."

"I refused, and when Lauren moved in with Jace and his family, it was a relief."

"My parents attempted to force forgiveness on me. They took me to a church therapist, and they had a number of talks with me about Lauren being my sister for life and Jace being just a high school boyfriend."

"All it did was push me away from my parents, and when I turned 18, I moved in with my grandma. I had very little contact with my parents and no contact at all with Lauren and Jace."

The family continued to try to push the OP to forgive and move on.

"They got married just before the baby was born, and I ignored the invite. I ignored when they had their first and then second kid."

"Lauren made several attempts to speak to me and apologize more, but I ignored them, and I told extended family that I wasn't going to change my mind."

"Some were quick to say I was a silly child and I'd regret throwing my sister away. Others said I was so young, and we both were young, and hurting people's feelings when you're young happens, and why couldn't I hate Jace and forgive Lauren?"

The OP's grandmother stood by her side, however.

"My grandma always said nobody was making it better by pushing. Grandma stood by me through all of this."

"When Lauren asked her to help pull off a surprise reunion so she could speak to me, my grandma turned her down. She told Lauren she wasn't coming to the house as long as I lived here. And she told her she would not help her trick me or anything crazy like that."

"Some of the wider family (my parents included) are mad at my grandma, but she said if Lauren can have her 'mistakes' forgiven by everyone else and be allowed to feel and do what she wants, then I should be given the same grace."

"But it was always argued that the difference was I was ending a relationship for good while Lauren made 'a single mistake.'"

When tragedy struck, Lauren tried again to connect with the OP.

"Last month, Jace died suddenly. I don't know what happened exactly, but grandma got the call about it."

"Then more calls came, and they asked me to finally move on and speak to Lauren and support her as a sister should."

"I didn't. I didn't go to the funeral, and neither did Grandma. She said even if she had wanted to, she knew the time would be spent trying to browbeat her into forcing me to reconcile with Lauren, and a funeral is not the place for that, so she was removing herself from that."

"Grandma has been getting s**t from so many people in the family who think I should have let go of the no contact now that Jace is dead. Since I never answer to any family members who think I need to forgive Lauren, they go through her."

"I hate that she deals with it. But she doesn't block them because she wants to see just how far they'll go with her. She said they're helping her trim her will, which I find funny, and I love Grandma's humor."

The OP wondered if she was wrong for not seeing any future for her and her sister.

"But I feel awful that she's getting the abuse the rest of the family can't give me. It made me want to ask if I'm the a**hole for keeping the no contact going with Lauren and if people outside my family think I'm a monster."

"I have the support of friends and also some family. It's just... I know we were young when all this happened. I know that once Jace cheated with Lauren, he would have done it with anyone. So I know it's not like we'd have lasted like I imagined."

"But LAUREN doing it to me just makes it worse because I loved and trusted and was there for her. So she betrayed me and even leaned on me when their cheating led to a pregnancy."

"Ever since I found out, I wished she wasn't my sister. I could never see even a civil relationship for us in the future. But I'm aware that it might make people think I'm the a**hole and not her, especially now that Jace has died."

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some reassured the OP that she was justified to feel what she was feeling.

"When people say you were all so young, tell them that may be true, but Lauren betrayed me once, and she will always betray me to get what she wants. Like, once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't trust her or anyone who condones what she did."

"When they say you threw away your sister, tell them she threw away her sister the first time she f**ked Jace."

"Don't feel too bad about your grandmother. She sounds like a bada** rockstar with a steel spine. She has your back, and she's doing it without playing favorites, which is incredibly hard to do." - DeviceMotor3918

"Forget about Jace entirely. Lauren betrayed her sister to make herself happy. Relationships don't work when there's no trust, whether it's familial or romantic." - Used-Currency-48

"This whole thing about Lauren 'making one mistake' makes my skin crawl, because who says it was once? She got pregnant, so I'm guessing they screwed around a LOT more than once."

"So she lied to OP the whole time they were doing it, pretending to be close to her, and then disappearing off to be with her sister's boyfriend. And Jace would, what?, come over to see the OP and then sneak off in a corner to fool around with her sister? Be the OP's boyfriend by day and her sister's affair partner by night, in through the bedroom window?"

"Them framing it as 'one mistake' is bulls**t, because how many months did the affair go on? How many times did they have sex before Lauren got pregnant? How many lies did they tell? It wasn't 'one mistake:' it was a whole series of choices."

"Also, this is assuming that having sex and having an affair is 'making a mistake.' But there are so many steps from making an inappropriate comment or making eye contact a little too long before the two people end up in bed where either person could have said, Wait, this will hurt my sister, or This will hurt my current girlfriend. They could have made a thousand different choices a thousand times and are supposed to be forgiven because they got CAUGHT, by getting pregnant, once." - TheBookishAndTheBard

"I can't fathom why the family is trying to frame this as a 'mistake.' Lauren knew Jace was OP's boyfriend. She knew how much OP cared about him."

"Sleeping with him behind OP's back is not a 'mistake' on Lauren's part. It's a conscious decision she made, knowing it would hurt OP. She didn't care about OP's feelings at all when she was having an affair with this guy and even married him and had two kids."

"I highly doubt Lauren feels remorse at all and would bet money she just wants an aunty/free babysitter for her kids." - Snoo-65195

"There are a lot of other men in the world. It's a betrayal of you, that your sister screwed your boyfriend."

"This might sound insensitive right now, but you should tell your family, 'How do I know she won't screw whatever man I am with behind my back? I mean, NOW she's grieving my ex-boyfriend, but who says she won't be 'lonely' or 'a woman with needs' in the future and try to sleep with my current partner?'" - FiveUpsideDown

"Her awful sister was never sorry! She continued on with the creep and had more kids. For anyone to expect OP to ever forgive her is insane. It wasn't one little mistake. It was a lifetime of choices made selfishly, no matter how bad it hurt OP."

"Then to have the audacity to beg forgiveness and send the flying monkeys. Your sister is a monster, and it is easy to see why after what your parents did and continue to do. They have no integrity at any time. Thank goodness for Grandma!" - Momof41984

Others agreed and applauded the OP's grandma for having her back. 

"NTA, not even close! Your grandma is a legend! I'm glad you have her." - That-Guidance-8139

"Grandma definitely is a legend! I'll add that even though she's 'taking abuse,' she has the power to stop it, but she's letting everyone show their true selves. Gran is playing the LONG game!"

"I really wish Grandma a healthier and stronger life because she just made my day by paying the role she played." - cinnamongirl73

"Bahaha, 'She said they're helping her trim her will.'"

"Grandma is EPIC!!"

"And OP is NTA at all. Your sister made a choose, thinking it would be forgivable, sucks to be her and proven dead wrong, but that's the price SHE pays for taking the chance."

"P.S. I wanna be Grandma when I grow up!!" - Used_Clock_4627

"It sounds like your grandma is out of f**ks to give to a**holes and is perfectly fine standing between you and the folks who want to give you grief."

"I get feeling bad, but it's not your fault. They could choose to stop harassing your grandma at any time, and she decided it's worth her time and effort to protect you."

"I'm so glad y'all have each other, and I'm guessing being able to help you in such an important makes her happy" - RivSilver

"What I think the real problem is here is that every time she's confronted by the fact of your absence and avoiding her, it just reminds her what an awful, s**tty person and sister she is. It's like an anchor around her neck."

"The rest of the family see her being hurt (honestly, as she should be), and they want to resolve that, and all you have to do is ignore your pain, lose your morals and dignity, and act like a family member again, 'no big deal,' and they can all go back to their quiet happy live."

"The cost to you is immaterial to them. They just don't care that this silly childhood infatuation you had ended so badly. Clearly, Lauren and Jace were supposed to be together since they got married and had kids. They were the real couple, and you were just a school fling."

"That's all bulls**t, obviously, and your family is avoiding the fact that they didn't do more than throw some disapproving glares at Lauren and refuse to accept that she's a cesspit of a human being. You should NEVER back down on this."

"Grandma is old enough and clearly tough enough to fight this battle, and for all you know, she might even enjoy it." - itsallminenow

The subReddit could not stop shaking their heads over Lauren's behavior and the fact that the family forgave her but pressured the OP to forgive her, too.

Everyone grieves in their own way, and clearly discovering Lauren and Jace's betrayal was the beginning of grieving the loss of a sister, a friend, and a first love.

You can't forgive what's gone forever.