Infidelity in a marriage is usually a death knell for the relationship if it’s discovered. After the split, does the aggrieved spouse still owe any loyalty to the cheater?
A spouse whose wife cheated on him turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Forward_Way1983 asked:
“AITAH for sleeping with my soon to be ex-wife’s friend?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My wife cheated on me two months ago with a guy she met while we still were together and working on the relationship. Now almost two months later, I texted a woman who has a kid who’s in the same class as our kid.”
“I met this woman the first time in our home, because my wife invited her and her kid to play with our kid. They got along decently from what I understood.”
“This woman told my wife and I that she was single and had left the father. Now mind you, this is ALL I knew about my wife’s and her relationship. I did not know that they had been texting each other a bit since then.”
“Fast forward, I text this woman after two months of our breakup because why not? I thought she looked good and that we could probably just have a good time.”
“After having met her, we both developed feelings for each other to which we tried to end it, but couldn’t.”
“The woman I met then proceeded to text my soon to be ex-wife that she has feelings for me and that she is sorry, but she can’t really ignore them.”
“We talked a bit about it before she talked to her and I asked her if she wanted me to break the news to my soon to be ex wife (STBXW), but she felt it was better if it came from her which I have no problem with honestly.”
“In my view my STBXW has no say in who I meet or/and sleep with so I really had no care about telling her. Might as well tell her before the kids do.”
“All the while my wife is spending every other week with the guy she cheated with on me and have said she loved him just 2-3 weeks after we broke up.”
“We haven’t even sold our house yet and she has already rented a place for herself and him and are planning a new life for them, introducing our kids etc… to him, posting pictures on Facebook where he is holding my kids’ hands, etc…”
“Now she has the balls to say that Im the a**hole?”
“Reddit AITAH for ‘fancying’ my soon to be ex-wife’s ‘friend’?
The OP later added:
“As the situation stands now, she has threatened to contact the court to basically force us to sell the house to the lowest bidder. This could mean our entire 10 year housing career will be lost.”
“And any hopes in putting any of the money from the sale of the house into savings for the kids will be gone. I haven’t received any calls or letters about it yet, so we will see.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not doing anything wrong (NTA).
“NTA. Your wife is a big a** hypocrite.” ~ Glum_Craft_4652
“Sounds like my ex-wife.”
“We ended things, and after a month or so she moved in with her “friend” from work, whom she had spent ALOT of time with (followed by the posting of pics together in social media etc…).”
“Then she went ballistic on me when she found out I created a Tinder-account two months after she moved out (and a month after she moved in with him).”
“I told her to punch sand.” ~ LuxuryBeast
“NTA your wife shouldn’t have cheated if she wanted any say in who you see. Tell her it’s none of her business at all anymore.”
“Bonus points if you put it this way: ‘I didn’t get a say in who else you dated while we were married so you don’t get a say in who I date now’.” ~ Material-Dot7684
“Here is what I am thinking: Your ex wife is HOPING that the Chad she threw your marriage in the garbage for sticks around. You know, so she doesn’t look like a f*cking idiot.”
“Something tells me though that she isn’t all that confident in Chad’s ‘commitment’ to her so she expected you to wait around like a chump in case she f*cked up.”
“Enjoy your life brother and enjoy the new girlfriend. And don’t feel bad for laughing at the self-sabotaging moron. NTA.” ~ OkTumbleweed1705
“She’s probably extra pissed because she knows this woman he fancies is a stable woman that he could legit have something serious with.” ~ Undottedly
“Why would OP care what a cheater who he broke up with says and thinks? Be civil for your kids, and be the bigger person, but don’t deny yourself when she didn’t do it.”
“The wife is a typical example of somebody who wants the cake, but also wants to eat it, and nobody else can have cake.” ~ fragtore
“NTA. Your cheating ex obviously expected you to suffer from her absence and instead, you’re moving on. Your best revenge is to just be happy and successful without your ex. She may discover the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence.” ~ E_Anthony
“NTA. Your STBXW is just the definition of two weights two measures…. you don’t owe her anything.”
“Be careful about jumping too soon in another relationship though, especially one your son is indirectly involved in.” ~ alphaphenix
“NTA She didn’t think you would move on so quickly. She’s jealous.”
“Also, you moved on with someone who could eff up her reputation with the girls/guys in the kid pickup line at the school. Your ex is your ex for a reason.”
“Don’t let her eff up your new life because she’s jealous.”
“Be happy OP. I know you weren’t playing stupid games….you genuinely tried…..she was and she just won the Stupid Prize—a giant a** hippo to fit in that giant a** hippo crate.” ~ AlyD1983
“Honestly, your soon to be ex-wife lost any right to complain the moment she slept around and cheated.”
“She did not care about how her cheating would effect you mentally, so why should you care how she feels that you have found someone else.”
“I can guarantee this has nothing to do with her knowing this woman, and it more to do with the fact she is annoyed you’ve managed to move on and your not sitting at home grovelling in self pity alone while she is enjoying her life.” ~ Tamanor
“Your wife wants to be the winner and the victim. Just ignore her but keep your head down until after the divorce is finalized. She can make it real hard if she is mad at you.” ~ Ch0caholic
“A long time ago a girlfriend broke up with me. I found out she had met someone at work. She still went to Hawaii with my family before breaking up with me.”
“The same day she ended it with me, one of her friends texted me and asked how I was doing and would I like to hang out. I said sure and we eventually became an item.”
“When the ex-girlfriend found out she had a major melt down. NTA.” ~ Any_Program_2113
“Maybe NTA and while your choices may not be wrong, your wife’s cheating doesn’t make your decisions very smart. Your divorce isn’t even final and 2 months in, you’re in love? I would think you would take the time to heal first.”
“Also, what was the goal with someone your wife casually texted, contacting her to tell her? Why wouldn’t she talk to you directly first to see how you wanted to handle that conversation when you were ready? That information should have come from you.” ~ wellthisisawkward86
“Nope, not the A-hole. She moved on with her life, you can do the same. Your soon to be ex is upset because she wanted to see you miserable and alone.”
“You burst her bubble, and she doesn’t like it. I’ll bet she’s also upset because your new ‘friend’ is younger, and better looking than her.” ~ RabbitGlass5578
“In your ex-wife’s mind, only she can f*ck around and move on. You’re supposed to be groveling in a dark corner in the fetal position crying about your misfortunes, not shagging her friends.”
“NTA! Don’t worry, she’ll be coming back once she gets a hint that you have moved on. Especially once her current lover pump and dumps her. If history says anything, a relationship founded on infidelity does not last and ‘usually’ ends in infidelity as well.” ~ Outofmana1
“Infidelity is never an accident or mistake. It is always a choice.”
“She knew what she was going to do would hurt you, but she chose to do it anyway.”
“Her choice leaves her zero say as to what you do and whom you do it with.” ~ Nomorelevels
While moving on so quickly may prove to be a mistake, moving on wasn’t.