When traveling, people often adhere to itineraries.
Itineraries and schedules are imperative for group travel.
And schedules have arrival and departure times.
These times have a specific purpose so that everyone gets to see as much as possible.
But every now and again, there is a traveler who can't help but hold up the journey.
Redditor Loveylyy to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for not waking up a tourist who overslept and missed the day trip she paid for?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I'm (21 F[emale]) a Bulgarian tour guide who accompanies groups to Sicily."
"On a recent trip, one woman who was travelling alone (mid-30s) was consistently oversleeping."
"The first day after we arrived, we had a day trip to Etna and Taormina, for which we departed at 8 am, as we do all other day tours."
"I make sure that all tourists are informed of the departure times on the bus the day before, and they also have my number to call in case they forget, so I can remind them."
"They also all have printed out pamphlets with the schedule made by the travel agency that I hand out, which has the time for departure on it."
"All of the group was on time, except one woman."
"She was late by 10 minutes, which, okay, maybe she got caught up in something and was late."
"I excused it, then mentioned to the whole bus in the mic that I do not tolerate lateness beyond 15 minutes at most in case of emergency, like a forgotten possession, and that I must ALWAYS be called and informed in case someone is running late."
"The trip went by okay otherwise."
"The next day this same tourist was late again, by TWENTY FIVE minutes."
"Almost an entire half hour."
"I called her twice to no answer, and we were just about to leave without her when she came out running and got on the bus (she got lucky, as the receptionist of the hotel asked me about a missing piece of info on the rooming list and earned her some time)."
"I reminded everyone AGAIN that I will not be waiting anymore for late tourists in the morning, and waking up on time is their responsibility."
"When we came back that evening, she asked me if I could 'make sure to wake her up on time.'"
"I reminded her a THIRD time that I'm not responsible for waking people up. "
"Everyone gets a printed itinerary with departure times, and I announce everything the day before."
"She kept saying, 'No, no, just knock on my door if I'm not out by 8:15,' and I kept repeating, 'I really can't do that for everyone, please set an alarm.'"
"Well, on the day we were visiting Syracuse, she didn't show up."
"I waited 15 minutes after the supposed departure time, called her twice to no response, then left with the bus and the rest of the group. "
"She called me in a panic about an hour later, asking where we were."
"I explained the situation calmly."
"She got angry and said that I had one job and that I cheated her out of the money she paid to go on that day trip."
'She missed the whole day trip and was furious the next day."
"Later, she told the rest of the group that I abandoned her and also called my agency, leaving a bad review about me."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for not personally waking up a grown woman despite warning her multiple times I wouldn't?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"I'm an avid traveler."
"I'd be ANGRY to sit on the bus every morning waiting on someone who is chronically late."
"Time is money, and she'd be wasting mine."
"If she's worried about hers, she needs to set an alarm."
"If she complained to other guests, I guarantee you they weren't feeling bad for her. NTA." ~ glendacc37
"100% agree."
"Every time I sign up for a group tour when traveling, there's always that one person or one couple that is always late, to the frustration of everyone else."
"They are totally unaware of how they affect the other people around them."
"Come to think of it, the late person is often also the person who smokes and stinks up the tour bus, or whines about every little thing, and just generally does their best to ruin things for everyone else."
"I am sure most of the other tour guests in this case were happy to see her left behind." ~ vancouver-duder
"I had a situation like this with a fellow traveler on a tour."
"Constantly late, never made it to breakfast (even when she was awake - she didn't like the food offered, even though it was an entire buffet), and then made everyone wait while she got something to eat at whatever attraction we were visiting because she was feeling faint."
"I was so pissed off."
"I would have been happy if she'd been left behind or told that if she didn't eat in advance, she couldn't come, because maybe she'd have learned a lesson."
"She dragged everyone else down."
"I have to think people like this are in it often to create some drama and get attention." ~ IridescentTardigrade
"Anyone notice that the tardy tourist was asking OP to knock on her door 15 minutes after the scheduled departure time?"
"Which would mean, if they were still asleep, an even longer waiting time. NTA." ~ NHFNCFRE
"NTA. If you were a cruise ship operator, her lack of being able to be on time would cause her to be left behind at a port."
"Watch YouTube videos of cruise passengers who are special,' and think they can hold up the entire group."
"They get left."
"As long as you can document her late antics with your tour agency, you should be fine."
"Also, have them add language in their contracts about being late, and it's not the tour operator and guide's responsibility to wake people up and ensure they are on time." ~ _philia_
"NTA - the other people on the tour also paid."
"Her not showing up is her issue." ~ jumpingfox99
"NTA... how was she not embarrassed after Day 1?"
"Repeated behavior like that truly shows you do not care about anyone but yourself."
"Also, she took AN HOUR to call you."
"So not only was she late."
"She was getting later each day!"
"That's outrageous behavior." ~ BeneathAnOrangeSky
"She got away with it the first two times, so of course she tried for a third."
"If she'd gotten away with that, she would have gone for a fourth time."
"I guarantee she is the kind of person to push everyone's boundaries as far as they'll go, and then when they finally put their foot down, like the tour guide, she screams about how mean they are to her." ~ Silvaria928
"NTA. If I were one of the other tourists, quite honestly, I'd be pissed off at you for making me wait every day for this one person."
"I absolutely would've called her out myself the third time she was late and said you're being ignorant to the rest of us." ~ Somehow-I-Lead
"NTA. I've taken a few overseas, organized trips, and I can't even begin to tell you the amount of rage that all of the other people get when we're forced to sit and wait for someone who overslept or couldn't get to a meeting place on time."
"Selfish, entitled, narcissistic AH's who think no one else's time matters and that the world is just going to wait for them... get bent, clowns."
"I don't expect military punctuality (LOL), but when the tour bus leaves at 8 am, you're there by 7:55 am."
"Having to wait for the same selfish clowns every time gets old fast, and that then reflects on the tour company for catering to them instead of the people who are arriving on time." ~ benji950
"'She got angry and said that I had one job.'"
"At that point, I would've outright told her that I know my job, and I've been doing it well."
"You aren't there to babysit one person, especially an adult who is on holiday."
"If she can't be enough of an adult to be responsible for a schedule, then she shouldn't be doing adult things on her own." ~ cheeseburgerwaffles
"NTA, and if I were a paying customer on that tour, I would not be happy that my day starts late because we were waiting for her."
"Rules are rules." ~ Tryingmybestatlife2
"The woman is an entitled a**."
"It's her responsibility to wake up and be on time."
"The only mistake you made was waiting as long as you did on Day 2 when she was 20+ minutes late."
"If your policy is to leave at 15 minutes past departure time, you do that."
"If I had been on that tour, I would have been so pissed I made the effort to be on time, and you made all the on-time guests wait excessively." ~ chartreuse_avocado
"NTA... she has the itinerary and she can set up her own alarms like you told her, and also she could ask the receptionists at the hotel to give her a wake-up call."
"Also, you mentioned you called her twice on that day."
"She has no right to complain, and all the other guests need to appreciate that you respected their time, because waiting for her meant that the rest of the group had less time to do the excursions they paid for." ~ ElderberryOwn666
OP came back with an Update...
"I talked to my manager today!!"
"I was nervous at first because I was already tired of this whole shenanigan and didn't want to spend ages defending myself."
"So I went to him first and explained the situation before he approached me."
"He told me, word for word, 'Hun, I deleted that bs from my e-mail as soon as I read it' LOL!"
"An icon."
"They'll remove the bad review!"
Reddit is fuming for you, OP.
This woman's sense of entitlement is outrageous.
If everyone else was on time, that's just her being rude.
So glad to hear your company has your back.
Safe travels.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.