Moving in with a significant other requires a little time to get used to one another. You learn what it means to be around this person all the time, and the weird things they do when they aren’t in public.
However, Redditor winnie_the_pantsless wasn’t expecting what her boyfriend does. The original poster (OP) was so surprised and grossed out, she asked him to stop.
He thinks she’s overreaction, but OP isn’t so sure. To figure out if she’s wrong, OP decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit about the situation.
But what could be so bad that they’re fighting shortly after moving in?
“AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop emulating Winnie the Pooh?”
The extent of the issue goes beyond just pants…
“So this conflict came up recently because I (24F[emale]) moved in with my boyfriend (25M[ale]).”
“The issue is that he has started walking around the apartment and spending most of his days completely bottomless, dick out with just his shirt on. He calls this ‘Winnie the Poohing’.”
“He told me he started it during work from home because he thought it was funny to be on Zoom and just not have pants on.”
“I’ll be honest it makes me a little uncomfortable for him to just constantly have his penis out in front of me so I have requested he just wear boxers at least. He thinks I’m trying to be too controlling and that I should appreciate his body.”
“However it just feels kind of unsanitary and weirdly dangerous (he was cooking with oil and a drop of oil spat out of the pan and landed on his penis).”
“So AITA for not wanting to constantly look at my boyfriends penis.”
OP and her boyfriend can’t decide how to handle this.
While OP just moved in with her boyfriend, who thinks she shouldn’t tell him how to live, the boyfriend agreed to share a living space with someone else. Who is right in this fight?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for telling her boyfriend to wear boxers by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP may be unsure about whether she’s right, but the commenters sure weren’t. There was some dissent, but overall, they agreed that the boyfriend is being unreasonable.
On top of the issue of getting oil in private places, there’s the topic of sanitation. As clean as your behind can be, do you want to sit somewhere another person has previously sat bare cheeked?
Lastly is the issue of boundaries. While OP is now in someone else’s living space, this is meant to be her living space too, and she shouldn’t have to be so uncomfortable with someone else being naked all the time.
The board voted that OP was NTA.
“NTA Is he being funny? No. Clever? No. Respecting your boundaries and comfort? Absolutely not.”
“Is there any good reason he shouldn’t stop immediately? No. Do I admire his unwavering commitment to the stupidest bit of all time? Undeniably.” – Sk111W
“Tbh ‘Winnie the Poohing’ is a pretty hilarious term for this.. but yeah, after the 2nd day I would just not want his naked a**hole on the shared furniture ..every. Single. Day.”
“OP, NTA.. this is unsanitary. Are you paying rent? Did he only do this sometimes in your presence prior?”
“If this has been going on for awhile.. I could see myself just getting so turned off, I’d move out lol” – God_Sayith
“NTA. I’d have an anxiety attack every time he plopped his dairy air on furniture. ‘Please don’t have your dick out all the time’ is a perfectly healthy boundary to give a roommate.” – iMESSupCOMMONphrases
“NTA there’s something particularly unsettling about a human being going about their day in a shirt with no pants on so I’m with you, idk what it is but it hurts my feelings, the reverse is absolutely fine if not encouraged.” – robolger
“I was trying to think of why it’s so unsettling, and it came to me that it’s because the only individuals I’ve seen do this were toddlers who managed to escape while in the middle of a diaper change.”
“A grown man should not be acting like a toddler who ran away from a diaper change. OP, tell him that every time you see him like that, he reminds you of a toddler.”
“That might make him reconsider your request.” – 8foot10foot
“NTA. Why does he want to have his dick out during Zoom calls? Is he aware of the Jeffrey Toobin incident?”
“That’s not ok and neither is him disregarding your discomfort with this. Have him watch the bad naked episode of Seinfeld.” – MissionRevolution306
“You’re allowed to walk around naked if you’re alone or with others who consent. But if you’re walking around naked in the vicinity of other people who have asked you not to because they’re uncomfortable… then you’re an a**hole.”
“If OP was telling him not to walk around naked EVER, even when she isn’t home, then that would be controlling. But it seems like she’s merely asking that he not have his dick out around her 24/7, which is a reasonable thing to ask.”
“No one should be subjected to having to see someone else’s dick out 24/7 in their home.”
“Bf agreed to have OP move in with him, this is now OP’s home as well and bf needs to be accommodating of her boundaries. Living with another person requires a bit of self sacrifice & accommodation.”
“If you don’t want to give anything up for the other person, you shouldn’t have agreed to move in with them.” – cindyofjulymoon
Some of the comments weren’t in complete agreement, however. While they felt that OP was justified in not wanting to see her boyfriend’s nether region all the time, they pointed out it was his home first.
How much does that entitle OP to ask her boyfriend to change what he does?
“NAH. You moved into his space and are now asking him to change how he lives in his space. You have a right to request.”
“He declined. He has a right to decline. You have a right to decide now whether you want to live with Donald Duck or not.”
“You don’t have a right to control what he does or doesn’t wear at home.” – caffeinatedsquirrel9
“But it’s her home too now? If this was a dealbreaker for him, it was his responsibility to let her know before she moved in.” – Princess-Pancake-97
“It’s not a deal-breaker for him. He’s just not wearing pants. On his own body. It probably never crossed his mind that she’d have a problem with it.”
“She’s the one requesting he change his behavior and turning what he’s wearing in the privacy of his own home into an issue. She can’t force him to wear pants; she can request.”
“If he says no, then she needs to decide if she can live with that or not. She’s the one that moved in, so if she can’t live with it, then she’s the one that needs to move out. Or she can learn to live with it.”
“He’s not an a**hole for wanting to continue to go pantsless in his own home. She’s not an a**hole for preferring he wear pants. But when you reach an impasse in a relationship like this, you can’t force the other to change. Sometimes, you just need to realize you may not be compatible to live together.”
“Edit: and really, it’s her home, but only he lives in his body. He can put, or not, anything he wants on his body. She doesn’t get to make demands about his attire, especially not at home.”
“I’m not usually one to bring up ‘if roles were reversed’, but really, there was a thread awhile back here where a guy got all bent out if shape because his girlfriend was going naked around their house (that he had moved into) and he wanted her to wear clothes.”
“The sub almost unanimously decided he was TA for moving into her home and then trying to control what she wore/did not wear. This isn’t really any different.” – caffeinatedsquirrel9
Some of the other comments discussed the preferred nomenclature for what the boyfriend is doing.
“NTA. However, you should inform him the legal term is Donald Ducking it.” – nibbler981
“I don’t know why Donald Duck-ing is worse than walking around totally nude, but it is.” – Just-Fix-2657
“Because it’s just like…. peaking out lol like a turtle.”
“Also, shirtless men have sex appeal for a reason, the top half is attractive. Look at Abercrombie ads. Look at the illustrations of the paperback romance novels.
“All of them depict men wearing pants and no shirt lol”
“So in this case it’s like.. the attractive half is covered up, and you’re just left with… well. The turtle.”
“It’s like, if there’s a man you find attractive & have chemistry & rapport with, who starts flirting provocatively to you, it’s probably welcome & hot. But if you take away the attractiveness, the chemistry, and the rapport, it’s probably unwelcome & creepy.”
“Edited to add: by attractiveness I don’t just mean looks, I mean personality as well” – cindyofjulymoon
It probably isn’t a huge ask that the boyfriend at least wear boxers, especially for sanitary reasons. If not, maybe OP should start looking for somewhere new to live.