Choosing a wedding venue was hard enough before life as we know was altered by virus restrictions and social distancing guidelines.
Nonetheless, people have found a way. Through downsized guest lists, outdoor arrangements, and delayed dates, the big day is still as popular as ever.
But one couple recently had to deal with an obstacle even more formidable than a global pandemic: the whims of an extended relative.
The groom recently explained the whole ordeal in a post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
Known as edward_aux on the site, the Original Poster (OP) indicated that the drama expanded beyond the wedding with his title for the post.Â
“AITA for not wanting to help my ‘future cousin in law’ after he tried to have a say in my wedding?”
OP first outlined the winding road to planning the wedding.Â
“I’m getting married this summer.”
“At first we wanted just to have a ceremony in a pretty place without anyone, then 2 of our moms were added, then another 12 or so relatives. No friends of mine or my fiancee’s.”
“Then we decided to have a small banquet somewhere to celebrate. I found a beautiful place where you can rent a lakeside pavilion with staff and food. I really fell in love with that place.”
Just when it seemed settled, a disturbance arose.Â
“But then in a few days my girlfriend gets a call from her mom who said: ‘hey, Steve came by (this cousin-in-law in question) and he said you should change the venue because the traffic will be bad after we’re done and go home.’ “
“My fiancee loves her family and hates disappointing people (aka a pushover) so she said ok.”
OP knew exactly where he stood on that request.Â
“After she told me what’s happened I said he had no fu**ing right making claims like these and we haven’t even invited anyone yet!”
“We told and showed pictures to moms and apparently my gf’s mom told Steve who was opposed to that place.”
“Well after we told gf’s mom that we’re appalled at Steve’s behavior (when you’re invited – if something doesn’t suit you just don’t come) it started a chain reaction among their relatives (I only have my mom, so no drama).”
And so began a classic game of telephone.
“He started pushing narrative that he is not afraid of a traffic jam himself but was worried about his father in law (who’s almost 80), father in law’s wife had a fight with my girlfriend’s mom (who is her sister).”
“So 6 people out of potentially invited 12 already said they weren’t coming to that place I want. All that without any official invitations yet!”
“We’re very stressed and surprised. We started planning the easiest, least offensive wedding possible and some dude is afraid of a possible 1.5 hours drive back home.”
Again, it seemed sorted out.Â
“But that’s not all. A few days ago he called my fiancee asking if she knew someone who could create a website for his company. He knows that’s my profession.”
“She gave me the phone and the first thing he cheerfully said ‘hey future relative!’, I got some details and told him I’d think about it.”
OP was at the end of his rope.
“I told my SO that I’m not going to help him, he didn’t bother to call us to explain his point of view on our banquet location and instead started spreading god knows what behind our backs among older relatives who don’t drive and probably don’t even know the location.”
“He might as well have told them it was a 10 hour ride to make them call and preventively decline the invitation (again, through my so’s mom). But when it came to his company and his profits he called us directly.”
“I told my fiancee he’s a tw*t and I’m not going to help him, but she’s upset because she wants everyone to be super friendly to each other… AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors took OP’s side completely. They couldn’t believe the gall of that guy Steve.Â
“NTA and don’t change your banquet location for one.” — MrNooms
“NTA. Guy is a douche. You plan your wedding for you and wife. Y’all two are the ones getting married. Not anyone else. If they come, fine. If they don’t, fine.”
“But me? I would make sure no matter what my plans are, douche does NOT get an invite. And no. Don’t help him – unless you’re gonna overcharge him lol.” — KaoJin-Wo
“NTA You have the right to decide how you want to get married and if he isn’t cool with that, he can choose not to attend.”
“You can choose whether to help him professionally or not but either case won’t make you an AH either.” — a-girl-who-likes-f1
Some people highlighted that the problem was made worse by the response of OP’s faincee.Â
“You are NTA but I also really don’t understand the tension here. It seems like your fiancee is extremely conflict averse, to the extent that she doesn’t even want to clear up a simple disagreement/miscommunication.”
“I feel like the conflict is even bigger now by lack of communication of her part. Solve this rather sooner than later, don’t wait for the invitations to be send. You and your fiancee need to sit her family down.”
“Cousin’s website can wait.” — Leavix
“NTA But I’d be concerned that your future wife puts everyone else’s opinions before decisions you’ve made as a couple.”
“I know she means well, but hopefully you can frame it in a way so she will see it won’t help in the long run.” — Lucyfiir
“Why does your fiancee care more about keeping her family happy than she does about you? When her mother told her that place didn’t work she immediate said she’d change it without consulting you.”
“I think the biggest a**hole here is your future wife” — Anxious_A**hole_
And a few addressed the question of the website work.Â
“NTA Keep the toxic relatives at a distance. Being family doesn’t mean anything.” — dusktildawn9
“NTA imo. Working for family tends not to go well in my experience. He will want it done cheap and keep moving the goalposts. Erm, that’s it really.”
“I am happy to work for people that are annoying / entitled. But I add a stupidity tax. I dont think you can really do that in this case.”
“You might be (or at least seem) a bit TA if you make it sound like its a petty tit-for-tat thing though. Finding a more reasonable excuse than ‘You’re a twat’ shouldn’t be too hard.” — Stoat__King
If the views of Redditors have any sway at all, Steve is going to have to look elsewhere to get that website up to snuff.