The truth can be a funny thing.
Not everybody will choose to use it.
But there have to be limits to some lies, right?
Redditor FoxContent5685to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for lying to my wife?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My wife F[emale] (28) works in financé and recently we went to her company event where I got to meet her colleagues for the first time."
"During the event, she introduced me to some of her male colleagues."
"And somehow it ended up with me and 3 guys having small talk, while she left to talk to others."
"Eventually they asked me what I do for work."
"I work as a dentist, but I really dislike talking about work outside of work."
"So I told them it was nothing interesting, and the convo was moving forward."
"But one of the guys kept on asking and was so curious and, for God knows why he jokingly said, 'Are u embarrassed because you work at McDonald's?'"
"He was starting to annoy me, so I said in a dead serious tone that I do in fact work at McDonald's and that's why I didn't want to talk about it and tried to make it as awkward as possible."
"I thought it was hilarious, seeing his 'Oh, sorry bro' face while the other two tried not to laugh."
"BUT like a week later, I kinda forgot about it, and my wife came home and started yelling at me about why I lied to her colleagues."
"Apparently, rumors spread fast in her workplace, and eventually, the whole office was judging my wife behind her back until she eventually found out."
"I honestly do get why she was pissed, and it was a back and forth for a while until eventually she said what if she came into the clinic I work at and told everyone she was a prostitute."
"I thought about it, and you know I kinda see her point."
"But at the same time, I feel like she's just easily embarrassed and was just angry at that moment for getting judged by the office."
"However she thinks I was childish and immature and did not need to do that."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"She had no idea about the situation."
"The OP is TA because he should've spoken to her about it, and she could've been prepared and not embarrassed when the situation went down.
"People should understand that if a partner doesn't know what you have done in a place where you work hard to be respected, they should take some accountability."
"Everyone is defending him. I won't reply further as I don't have time, but please consider that HE lied."
"HE made this mess."
"She got the OUTCOME, and she is obviously frustrated with his lack of accountability."
"He made a choice to lie and conveniently 'forgot' about it."
"He made her embarrassed because she was caught off guard."
"I hope OP apologized for his action and makes sure this doesn't happen again because if I were at her place, I wouldn't let this fly at all."
"Women are not to be made a joke at our workplaces just because you don't want to participate in a conversation with our colleagues."
"If you wish to be a partner and don't like talking to random people or don't know how to say 'no,' STAY HOME and don't come to a company event to lie and say whatever you like."
"Actions have consequences." ~ greenpompom
"Exactly this!"
"Just imagine going to work and finding out your husband told everyone he works at McDonald's for no reason that you know of!"
"If you are my partner and you tell a lie to my colleagues, let me in on the lie!"
"Him hiding this from her as well as the a**hole move for me in this story."
"It's obvious she was super embarrassed and had to explain this to everyone."
"Why the hell would you put your partner through this?!" ~ BlackFlash3003
"You could have easily said I'm a dentist but I prefer not discussing business off the clock."
"There's no reason to hide your profession, and there's certainly no reason to lie about it."
"No matter how douchey her colleagues were being, your behavior reflects on your spouse."
"You started this by being cagey about a benign question." ~ Kasparian
"Them being a**holes is exactly why OP is in the wrong."
"Everyone knows what type of snobs the finance crowd can be, and he would have undoubtedly heard some stories from her that paint a picture,"
"So pulling something like this is obviously going to have an impact on his wife's work relationships."
"Not being able to set aside your pride to literally just make small talk with some people is selfish AF." ~ Robustpierre
"I think the coworkers were not necessarily being a**holes."
"OP was acting like he was a spy or had some super interesting or important job he couldn't talk about when he was first asked (an extremely common question at these kinds of work events!)."
"I think it's natural for the other person in conversation to become really curious and ask follow-up questions — like, are you in the military or something?"
"Do you have a really difficult job, and that's why you don't like to talk about it?"
"I don't know; I feel like OP is ascribing a lot of nefarious intentions to someone who was probably just overcurious"
"Lowkey, they probably thought you were being an a**hole to them by assuming your job is too boring or complicated for them to understand." ~ grillly
"You could have easily said I'm a dentist, but I prefer not to discuss business off the clock."
"There's no reason to hide your profession, and there's certainly no reason to lie about it."
"No matter how douchey her colleagues were being, your behavior reflects on your spouse."
"You started this by being cagey about a benign question." ~ Kasparian
"Are you still in your edgy, mystery teenage stage?"
"No one was going to quiz you about being a dentist."
"You're not a secret agent."
"YTA for being weird about it in the first place."
"'I'm a dentist' - 'Oh nice.'"
"And if anyone asked anything beyond that, just excuse yourself from the conversation." ~ Mysterious_Silver381
"YTA...There are always options that don't include lying."
"You were the McDonalds husband, and now you're the liar husband, which doesn't bode well for your wife's workplace reputation." ~ RoyallyOakie
"YTA. How difficult is it to just say you're a dentist and leave it at that?"
"What are they going to ask?"
"How many root canals you did do?"
"And even if they showed an interest in you and your work (oh the horror!), you can just say you don't want to talk about your work and be done with it." ~ liosistaken
"Ok first off, you guys are all judgey."
"Don't judge people who work at McDonalds or those who engage in S[ex] W[ork]."
"And don't equate the two either. Like seriously?"
"None of you sound like nice people."
"Her coworkers sound like the biggest AH for badgering you when you tried to gently decline to answer (though why you did is still kinda a mystery…), spreading office gossip, and judging her for your career."
"Everyone in this story sounds insufferable."
"Soft YTA for lying when you could've just said, 'Oh really, nothing interesting, I'm a Dentist,' and then steered the convo in another direction." ~ manonaca
"YTA. If you actually did work at McDonalds, there would be no harm done."
"If you said you worked at McDonald's and then admitted you were a dentist but said McDonald's as a joke, again, no harm done."
"As others have said, saying you're a dentist, but you prefer not to talk shop outside of work would have been the better course of action here."
"Instead, you lied, and it wound up biting your wife in the a$$."
"Yes, her coworkers are judgmental and gossipy, but that doesn't excuse you lying."
"People who work in finance are often judged on their character by their managers, especially when it comes to honesty and integrity."
"It sounds like your wife's workplace judges people by the company they keep."
"You may have damaged your wife's reputation somewhat now that people know you lied." ~ MerryMoose923
"YTA - not the time or the place to be cute."
"This is her job you were messing around with." ~ SkyComplex2625
"YTA: You were at your wife's work."
"You should be on your best behavior."
"The guy was being a jerk or didn't have good social skills."
"A quiet, 'I prefer not to discuss work' or 'Why is it so important for you to know?'"
"Instead, you had to do a power play making you the jerk." ~ houseonpost
"YTA. This wasn't a social occasion for you: it was a work event for your wife and your job was to make her look as good as possible even if you found the situation incredibly awkward."
"Instead, you humiliated your wife to get your rocks off because, for some weird reason, you have trouble using your big boy words and telling people what you actually do for a living." ~ ElGato6666
"YTA. Your actions reflect your wife in a workplace setting like that."
"It is okay to not want to discuss work outside of work but it's unreasonable to lie about your career."
"If the coworker kept pressing you should have just excused yourself from the conversation."
"I see other comments focusing on people judging people who work at McDonald's, but the issue is you lied and put your wife in this awkward spot."
"Her coworkers were being rude by pressing but you handled it poorly."
"Look at it like this: What if your wife had told other coworkers you were a dentist and now that you said you work at McDonald's, everyone is going around the office thinking your wife is a liar?"
"In a finance setting, that is a big deal." ~ Darkrai_35
"You were childish and immature and did not need to do that."
"You could have just answered the question and then gone on to a different topic. YTA." ~ Vast-Cow-8154
"Good God bro grow up, are you 13?"
"Communicate like an adult next time. YTA." ~ Aromatic-Arugula-896
"YTA. You don't like to talk about work, so just tell them you are a dentist and move on."
"It is a standard question when meeting new people." ~ Long_Ad_2764
Some Redditors felt differently...
"NTA. My wife is a nurse."
"She is constantly asked medical questions by people."
"It is damned annoying."
"She's a labor and delivery nurse."
"People ask her about cancer, heart stuff, drug interactions, etc."
"It is damned annoying."
"Plus it is people trying to get free medical advice."
"I have a cousin who is an I[nformation] T[echnology] guy."
"High-level IT."
"He gets badgered constantly (I am guilty too, but I buy him bottles of good bourbon to say thanks) from everyone."
"They expect him to fix all their s**t for free."
"Imagine working a full week and wanting to NOT WORK and getting asked questions about how to do your job." ~ LordCoale
"As a dental professional, people ask me what is going on in their mouths ALL THE TIME!!!"
"People will ask me to look in their mouths (no gloves or mirror, like they want me to use my bare dirty hands to poke around in their mouths) I generally leave out my clinical training and say I work with insurance." ~ RitaFaye88
"You didn't lie to your wife."
"You made a joke to her coworkers and they took it seriously and decided to GOSSIP about you."
"I think that is more messed up and you should be upset that she's hanging around these kinds of people."
"It's also f**ked up how they judged you for a job, what if you actually did work at McDonald's?"
"There's nothing wrong with that, and would be kudos to your wife for sticking around regardless."
"What idiots, I think they were jealous that you have a wife and they don't. 🤣🤣" ~ REDDIT
"Barging into your office and announcing herself as a prostitute is not a great analogy for her coworker badgering you, making a lame joke, and then spreading it around like it's shameful."
"I mean, you could be a district manager for McDonald's, pulling in mid-six figures, or a trust fund baby living his childhood dream."
"That guy probably has the hots for your wife. NTA." ~ Wonderful_Horror7315
Reddit has strong feelings about your situation OP.
It sounds like this could've all been handled with just a little bit more finesse.
You're a dentist... be proud!
And your wife's coworkers seem like they need a little more humanity.
Y'all can work this out.
Good luck.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.