With all the joy that comes with starting a new relationship, there also comes a fair amount of anxiety.
Specifically, when it comes time to meet your new partner’s family, as well as their inner circle.
Indeed, meeting friends and family can sometimes feel like being under the third degree, as all they want is for their friend, child, sibling, or loved one to be happy, and have a partner worthy of them.
Redditor jarineek_3 was recently invited to a dinner with her new boyfriend’s college friends.
However, upon arriving at the restaurant, the original poster (OP) was given a less-than-welcoming greeting by one member of the friend group.
Leading the OP to make a rather abrupt change in how the evening progressed.
After her boyfriend accused her of “embarrassing” him, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving dinner early after my boyfriend’s friend introduced me as ‘the current one’?”
The OP explained why they left a dinner with her boyfriend and his friends very shortly after she arrived:
“So my boyfriend (31 M[ale]) invited me to dinner with his old college group.”
“One of his female friends (30 F[emale]), who I’ve never met before, came late, looked me up and down, then said, ‘Ohhh so you’re the current one. Cute’.”
“I was stunned.”
“No one laughed, no one corrected her.”
“My boyfriend just kind of chuckled awkwardly and changed the subject.”
“I sat there in silence for another 20 minutes before excusing myself and leaving.”
“I took an Uber home.”
“He called me later and said I embarrassed him by ‘making it a thing’ and that I should’ve just ‘been chill’ because ‘she didn’t mean anything by it’.”
“He wants me to apologize to her for walking out ‘like a child’.”
“AITA for not tolerating that kind of blatant disrespect?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP, agreeing that she was not the a**hole for walking out of dinner with her boyfriend and his friends.
Everyone agreed that since her boyfriend’s friends made no effort to be welcoming, and her boyfriend only seemed concerned by his own feelings and not hers, she did the absolute right thing by leaving when she did, with many hoping she also left her boyfriend that night as well.
“NTA.”
“She was plain f*cking rude.”
“He didn’t say anything.”
“He was more concerned at his embarrassment, not yours.”
“Perfectly reasonable response.”- dongporn
“NTA.”
“Now EX-boyfriend, right?”- FutureBowler9817
“NTA.”
“The people who should be embarrassed are the friend who made the remark, and your boyfriend for not shutting her down.”- Worried_Suit4820
“NTA.”
“His friend was openly dismissive of you in a rude way.”
“The implication is that you are such a temporary figure that you’re not even worth treating with respect as an actual human being standing in front of her.”
“This is not just a jab at her friend (your boyfriend) for changing girlfriends often (presumably) — it’s direct disrespect to you by not treating you as a person worthy of respect in your own right.”
“If your boyfriend expects you to apologize to her then maybe he sees you in the same way she does.”- kurokomainu
“NTA.”
“If he felt like you were the one.”
“He would have corrected her.”
“You should send her flowers for showing you the red flag guy.”- Classic-Delivery3875
“NTA.”
“Your boyfriend is the A for not shutting her down.”
“The woman who made the comment wants to be the current one, or was perhaps once the current one.”
“That said, there is no way I would have left.”
“Because a stranger’s issues with me are not something I worry about.”
“I would have made things extremely clear to the boyfriend afterwards what I expect from him in the future when his friends are rude to me.”
“And no f*cking way am I apologizing.”- HuntJump
“‘Oooh, so your the one that wishes they were the current one'”
“NTA, but you missed your chance.”- Solrackai
“NTA.”
“At her big age, he knew what she was doing.”
“And the fact that he didn’t bother correcting her and only reacting after HE got embarrassed screams red flag to me.”- JazzlikeHarpsichord
“NTA.”
“So the remark was insignificant to bf, but you reacting to it was unacceptable?”
“Tell bf that you leaving ‘wasn’t a thing’ and that you ‘didn’t mean anything by it’, so he should apologize for not being ‘chill’ about it and creating a mountain out of a molehill.”- CandylandCanada
“NTA.”
“Love the quotes you selected – this guy is not for you.”
“I think he is a ‘soon to be ex’ who should have ‘had your back’ when his little friend ‘was an a**hole’ to you.”- SalaudChaud
“NTA.”
“Wtf is wrong with your BF for letting that go?”- mindf0rk
“NTA.”
“Run and never look back.”- squeaki
“Why would you tolerate what you are considering blatant disrespect?”
“NTA.”- MazzIsNoMore
“NTA: That’s the chick he bangs between ‘the current ones’.”- aslztk
“NTA.”
“It was rude of her to say that, but it was directed at him and picking a fight by confronting her would have drawn more attention.”
“You get it wasn’t directed at you right?”
“She was calling him out about his dating.”
“I suspect she was jealous, and maybe had a thing for him and was saying that to drive you off.”
“She succeeded, and you did make a scene in doing so.”- vt2022cam
“Allow me to rephrase:”
“‘My boyfriend invited his friends over’.”
“‘One of them implied that I’m just one of many bedwarmers casually passing through his life – but at least I’m a cute one, right?'”
“‘He didn’t stand up for me, and I was too stunned to stand up for myself’.”
“‘After sitting around for 20min in silence, (during which time no one apparently noticed or cared that I never said a word,) I took an Uber home’.”
“My boyfriend is now mad at me’.”
“‘He claims that I’ve embarrassed him by being upset that she implied that our relationship is so meaningless, it’s not worth learning my name’.”
“‘He thinks I’m being overdramatic and wants me to apologize to her for being upset that she insulted me and devalued our relationship’.”
“‘He doesn’t have the self-awareness necessary to recognize that he failed me, so I’m casually glossing over his role in creating an atmosphere where I’m blatantly disrespected’.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
“No.”
“You’re not.”
“NTA.”- names-suck
“Why is he making it a thing?”
“He should be more chill, you didn’t mean anything by walking out.”
“He should apologize for embarrassing you by not dropping this.”
“NTA.”- MattDaveys
“NTA.”
“Honestly I would have said your boyfriend wasn’t one either, if he merely froze and let the awkward moment pass without acknowledging her comment.”
“Not good or ideal but it’s such an out of pocket remark I could understand having no words.”
“But him being mad at you and wanting you to apologize to her is insane.”- knapen50
“NTA.”
“When I first met my husband’s uncle (after we were married) he said, ‘Oh is this the new/current wife?’”
“I busted up laughing (we had both been married before; no kids).”
“Here’s the thing… I laughed.”
“If I had been upset, my husband would have tried to make it better or been concerned.”
“Him not reading you, defending you, or caring you were upset is a massive red flag.”
“Also, coming from a person I knew was going to be a joker vs a ‘friend’ that looked me up and down.”
“F*ck no.”- what_is_happening_01
“So, I am probably going to be in the vanishing minority here but I do think it was the wrong move to walk out, although I agree with others you’re NTA for it.”
“I just think a better move would have been to ignore her and try and enjoy meeting his other friends who (as you say) didn’t laugh at her ‘joke’ so were probably all thinking she was the AH too.”
“I also have sympathy for your boyfriend just changing the subject rather than confronting her.”
“What was he supposed to do, launch into a passionate speech in front of everyone about how you’re his forever person?”
“However, he’s definitely TA for suggesting you should apologise to his outrageously rude friend.”
“So I guess in that respect, walking out was probably a good move as it made him show his true colors!”- And_a_piece_of_toast
“He didn’t tell that other person off for embarrassing you in front of a whole group of people you barely knew?”
“Instead of apologizing on his friend’s behalf he wants you to apologize to her?”
“Yeah he’s no longer your ‘current one’ OP, do yourself a favor and make him your ‘ex’ one.”
“Dump his a**.”
“Needless to say, NTA.”- 8Eriade8
It’s safe to assume the OP won’t be having any other dinners with this friend group or this boyfriend.
Should this guy ever introduce any future girlfriends to this group, he might want to have a discussion beforehand of the right and wrong way to greet someone.
Thus avoiding anyone “making it a thing”…