Everyone has a different threshold for what they will put up with in a relationship.
But most of us can agree that lying is an absolute deal breaker, no matter what the other person is trying to cover up, agreed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor throw_a_way_1985 decided that she wanted to get a divorce after she caught her husband in a series of lies surrounding a camping trip that he had suddenly planned with his brother and friend.
When he wasn’t even apologetic about lying, and then doubled down, the Original Poster (OP) knew their marriage was on the way out.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for calling a divorce attorney after my husband lied about who he was with?”
The OP’s husband had been planning a camping trip for about two weeks.
“I (37 Female) just need non-biased opinions.”
“My husband (37 Male) asked me two weeks ago if he could go camping this past weekend with a friend and his brother. He asked via text, so I know I’m not remembering incorrectly.”
“I said I didn’t know, because our daughter (5 Female) had a cheer competition, and I’d prefer to not drag our son (6 Male) along for that long day.”
“He offered to arrange for a sitter for our son, but I still wasn’t happy, because the competition was early and not close to our house. Getting her up and ready is already a pain. To add driving our son to a sitter is just making the morning so much more stressful.”
But the husband’s plans became more and more questionable.
“We then found out she’s a later performance, so he decided to go. He said he was going with his brother as his friend couldn’t go.”
“The Wednesday night before he left, he specifically said he was nervous about the Verizon outages because he ‘and his brother’ both have Verizon, and they’re hoping they don’t lose access to GPS.”
“Thursday morning, he texted me that he made it to the campsite safely.”
“Then I didn’t hear from him again. Friday at noon, I reached out to make sure he was alive (he usually texts me life checks daily when camping), but I got no response.”
“By 6:00 PM, I was nervous and texted my sister-in-law to see if my brother-in-law was able to contact her. That’s when she replied, ‘Ma’am, what are you talking about? My husband is on the couch next to me.'”
The OP knew for certain that her husband was lying about something.
“I. Saw. Red. In my mind, my husband is still camping but used his brother as a manipulative tool because he assumed I wouldn’t want to ruin his good time.”
“We have two young kids who need a lot of attention. I work full-time and manage basically everything for the kids. He works a swing shift as an ER medic, so he is gone for 14 hours per day on the days that he’s working.”
“I’m constantly juggling everything alone, so it does suck when he finally has time off and actively chooses to spend it so detached and not being helpful in any way.”
“On Saturday, he finally texted that he had service again and was coming home. I ignored his text. He called, but I was driving with our daughter in the car, so a call wasn’t appropriate.”
“When I could, I texted him, calling him out on his lie. He doubled down and said he didn’t lie. He said it was a change in plans, because by the time he knew our daughter’s start time was late enough that he could go, it was too late to invite his brother.”
The OP’s husband was actively dodging her.
“It’s now Monday. He’s been living out of our basement since he got home, and he rushed off to work early this morning, so he has not tried to talk to me at all.”
“Instead, he is taking the stand that he’s mad at me for being mad.”
“In my opinion, he lied to me. He manipulated me. Instead of apologizing when he was caught, he doubled down and is using my anger against me.”
“The fact is, I no longer can trust him and contacted a divorce attorney.”
“So… AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some immediately called the husband out for his “Verizon” comment.
“He built in the Verizon comment so he could turn his phone off. He was not alone. Sorry.” – MargotSoda
“The Verizon thing up front was so sus, it’s insane.” – Ok_Nothing_9733
“The Verizon plug-in felt like something my three-year-old would do. ‘Just so you know, Dad, I didn’t eat any cookies from the bag in the pantry!'” – BoopsBoopsOfDaBucket
“I used to have AT&T and would go visit my roommate and legitimately not have service for an entire weekend. It was Verizon that had the broad rural coverage!” – harst035
“It’s funny because I used to go camping/hiking in the mountains, and I had amazing service with Verizon. This man is trash.” – inky_fox
“The Verizon was a cover story, so when his phone ‘didn’t work,’ there was an explanation!” – heath0816
Others cringed at the story and were certain that the husband had been cheating.
“After being caught, OP’s husband said, ‘It was too late to even invite my brother.’ He is trying to cover the base that his brother didn’t know about the trip.”
“Which makes no sense since he mentioned his brother, another person, and him all planned this two weeks ago.”
“She needs to ask SIL if this was even mentioned. If it wasn’t, then he definitely was never going to invite him.” – Vegetable_Lab2438
“Lots of people camp alone. It’s why solo tents exist. But their spouses know that it is a hobby of theirs and they don’t lie about it.”
“The best case scenario, he wanted to skirt his responsibilities as a dad and husband for the weekend. So he made up a lie to get away, which is selfish and something to talk to a therapist about.”
“The worst case, he wasn’t alone. And he wasn’t camping.” – Fearless_Feeling873
“He set up the Verizon stuff so he could be left alone. He was cheating.”
“I was engaged once when I was 25 years old. I had no problem with my fiancé going to a strip club at the time, but I wanted the truth. He swore to me they weren’t going to a strip club.”
“I found out a month later that they went to a strip club, and he never told me. I broke off the entire engagement and kicked him out.”
“Even if your husband didn’t cheat, just like even if my fiancé at the time didn’t cheat, it doesn’t matter. They owe you the truth. I would divorce him too if I were you.” – lovingcats1239
“This was premeditated cheating. Some people fall into a trap and make a bad move. Others carefully plan out how they’re going to do it.”
“Seems like OP is making the right choice.” – 2Silly4Dilly
“The OP wrote, ‘In my opinion, he lied to me.'”
“Oh no, that’s not an ‘opinion’; that’s a fact. He lied to you. Then spent days away ‘camping,’ ignoring you the whole time; with whom was he supposedly camping, exactly?”
“The OP wrote, ‘The fact is, I no longer can trust him and contacted an attorney.'”
“That was 100% the right call. You do not have the full story. And you probably never will; welcome to ‘trickle truth.'”
“But since he’s doubling down, all you can do is assume the absolute worst. The gaslighting practically proves that he’s cheating.”
“NOR.” – 4hhsumm
“He kept lying up to the night before he left, as proven by what the OP wrote here:”
“‘Wednesday night before he left, he specifically said he was nervous with the Verizon outages because he ‘and his brother’ both gave Verizon, and they’re hoping they don’t lose access to GPS.”
“He also said he didn’t even ASK his brother, according to the OP here:”
“‘By the time he knew our daughter’s start time was late enough that he could go, it was too late to invite his brother.'”
“This was a multi-step, multi-day cover-up. There is no way he was there alone, and no way he was with someone OP would be okay with.”
“You’re doing the right thing, OP. Even if he just wanted to decompress, he should have told you the truth about it. Lies will lead to… anything else that you don’t want in a marriage.” – StrangledInMoonlight
The OP later shared an update she wasn’t sure the subReddit would be happy with.
“I know this isn’t the update any of you want, but it’s the update you get.”
“He was truly camping alone in the woods. He truly had no service. He did mention it prior specifically because we both were in SOS mode all day on Tuesday, the Tuesday before he left, because of the Verizon nationwide outage.”
“For everyone who thinks I’m a naive moron, that’s okay.”
“For everyone who thinks he just needed a break from the pressures of a high-stakes job and two young kids, let me tell you that this man has felt ZERO stress from having two young kids.”
“I do their homework with them. I do the bedtime routine. I register them for everything, I take them to all practices/performances, I coach when it’s a sport I’m familiar with, I volunteer at their school, and at every event I can before they’re old enough that my face there will be more humiliating than helpful.”
“I mow the lawn. I shovel the snow. When the sink leaked, I fixed it. Like, there isn’t a honey-do list here that I am not giving credit for.”
“I told him I contacted an attorney. He had no reply.”
“The next day, he asked if we could talk. He admitted that he’s been a real s**tty partner and dad for the past two years. He cited very specific examples of him being a s**tty dad, like not knowing our son’s teachers name, never seeing a single performance from our daughter in cheer or dance, not doing anything around the house, constantly being mad at me for having emotions, punishing me for anything that he viewed as an ‘indiscretion’ by ignoring me for a week until he thought enough time passed when he would resurface pretending everything was fine…”
“But there was not one apology. Not one thank you for taking such good care of my family while I wasn’t there mentally.”
“No ask for therapy, which I was actually grateful for, since the last time he requested therapy, he then attended every session stone-faced and gave me no response, even after I begged for any acknowledgment of anything I said.”
“Anyway, wish me luck on the rest of my life. I will never be with a man ever again. Zero out of five stars. Do not recommend.”
But as it turned out, it was almost exactly what the subReddit was hoping for.
“Honestly? Dumping the dead weight in your life sounds exactly like the update I was hoping for. You are absolutely trading up when you trade yourself alone for the loser husband!” – Swiss_Miss_77
“When you decide you’re better off without him, you start actually looking forward to not having him around anymore, and life gets significantly better.”
“I hope everything will improve for you and your kids after their deadbeat dad is out of the picture.” – Original_Way7114
“Yikes. So no apology and no indication that he is even going to try to do right by you and the family?”
“Even if he’s not cheating, I don’t think you should stay married to him.” – Threadheads
“Married women who allow their husbands to do absolutely nothing around the house, or help with their children, and then complain about being treated like an afterthought… What did you think was going to happen?”
“Get some self-respect and dignity. Men leave marriages for less, but it’s always you women that stay for more mistreatment.”
“OP, I’m glad you learned this and wish you the greatest in the future, even if it’s being single and knowing that you’ve got your own back.” – lookupitsblue
“This IS the update I was hoping for. I know so many married single moms who dropped the ‘married’ part and just feel this sense of peace and purpose.”
“I don’t know why some men are like that, but he’s not your problem anymore. Wishing you the best in your peaceful single life.” – overZealousAzalea
The subReddit clearly felt for this woman who fell for her husband needing a weekend away, but they were grateful to know that she was taking the next step to take care of her children and herself in her husband’s absence.
It seemed far more likely that her husband also cheated, but even if she didn’t want to consider that part of the story, him lying to her was enough for her to hold up her boundaries and treat herself the way she deserved for her husband to treat her.