Not all friendships, relationships, and family ties are meant to last forever.
That is a sad fact nobody likes to admit to.
Relationships of all kinds can run their course.
This is especially true when toxic behavior emerges.
Sometimes the best thing to do is walk away.
Right?
Redditor Legitimate_Rock9455 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my friend her engagement ring is ugly?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My friend is constantly harping on other people’s engagement rings.”
“Every time one of our friends gets engaged, she sends it to me with some snarky comment.”
“For example, last week, she sent me a picture of one of our mutual acquaintances’ rings, which had been posted on F[ace]B[ook], saying that it was one of the ugliest rings she had ever seen.”
“Was it an ugly ring? Yes!”
“But also, I don’t believe in shi**ing on people’s happiest moments, and I find it strange that she always has something negative to say.”
“Last month, she finally got engaged.”
“I honestly think her ring is hideous and tacky, she asked for the biggest ‘rock’ possible, and it’s just not appealing in any way.”
“She sent me another person’s engagement ring last night, and I have been so fed up with her negativity that I ignored it all day.”
“She texted me again a few minutes ago, asking me if I saw her message, what I thought of the ring, etc.”
“I told her yes, but I didn’t want to talk about it, and then she kept asking me what was wrong, so I finally exploded at her.”
“Told her I was sick of her being a bi*ch about everyone else’s happiest moment, that who cares if the ring is ugly if she isn’t the one wearing it, that I’m sure many people think that about her ring too.”
“She then asked me point-blank if I thought her ring was ugly, and I said yes.”
“Now she is super mad at me and said I ruined her ring, and she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, am I the A**hole for telling her her ring is ugly?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Play stupid games…”
“Why are you guys friends again?” ~ Rare-Individual-9756
“NTA. Never ask a question you aren’t willing to hear an honest answer to.”
“Your friend broke that rule.”
“In the future, call out this sort of behavior as soon as you see the pattern.”
“Don’t let it fester for so long.”
“Good on you for finally calling her out.” ~ GreekAmericanDom
“Are you both like… 20?”
“I cannot fathom having any of this back and forth, particularly ‘doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.'”
“She shouldn’t s**t on people’s happiness, sure, but people do talk s**t behind closed doors all the time, realistically.”
“You could have said, hey, I’m trying to watch how I speak about other people moving forward, so feel free to say your piece, but I just may not have the same level of enthusiasm back… without bringing her ring into question as her friend.”
“I tend to follow the hurt people hurt people rule – if she feels the need to s**t on folks, she probably feels s**t on somewhere else in her life.”
“I’d have reconsidered my friendship with her as a whole if the behavior continued after saying my piece, without dragging her ‘tacky’ ring into it. Personally.”
“So – I’m new to NTA pages – can I say it’s like 70/30 NTA?” ~ Careless_gremlin
“NTA – If she isn’t open to hearing the truth, she should not ask these questions.”
“You also proved your point by answering that way.”
“She shouldn’t care what you think of the ring, as long as she likes it.”
“She clearly thinks the ring is more important than actually getting engaged.”
“It honestly sounds like she is quite materialistic and shallow, and I would suggest she probably isn’t a good friend to you anyway; she just needs other people around her who will tear other people down alongside her.”
“You’re better off away from the toxicity, in my honest opinion.” ~ AmberWarning
“NTA. Sounds like you solved two problems at once.”
“I wouldn’t consider someone like her not wanting to be my friend a negative.” ~ Katerh
“NTA, I wouldn’t want to be friends who’s that negative on other people’s happiness.”
“I guess she feels that she has to tear people down to make herself happy.”
“I’d stay away from her, cause who needs friends like that?” ~ blonde1psp
“NTA. I believe the appropriate word is ‘tacky.'”
“She acts tacky and ended up with a ring that might be perceived as the same.”
“You’re not the only one who notices her trying to one-up people by tearing them down.”
“She must be so bored!”
“You’re not losing anything by this friendship ending 😉.” ~ leftclicksq2
“NTA. Although you could have told her to cut it out earlier.”
“Why was she comfortable shi**ing on others with you?”
“Personally, I would have taken a screenshot of her hand with the ring and said this ring is fuglier than the one she’s mocking.” ~ Different_Dog_201
“NTA. She’s immature and insecure.”
“Kick her to the curb.”
“She didn’t like what she saw when you held a mirror up, so too bad, she can suffer in her jocks.”
“Why can’t people just be happy for others?”
“There’s so much negativity in life already.”
“Go you.” ~ Prawn-Cocktail-2000
“NTA. That barely sounds like an ‘exploded’ besides maybe the use of the B word.”
“She kept pestering you to give her attention for being mean to other people, though, so I don’t think she was being one.”
“I don’t think losing that friendship is a bad thing.”
“It just sounds like she likes drama too much.” ~ PocketSand314
“ESH – She is shallow and materialistic.”
“She also didn’t tell the people she didn’t like their rings.”
“She confided that in you.”
“Sure, it’s shallow, but it isn’t being cruel to that person.”
“You never asked her to stop putting down people’s rings in multiple messages to you and had plenty of opportunities to talk it out.”
“You let resentment and anger fester.”
“You blew up at her directly and became the exact thing you hate.” ~ FoncusedFistula
“ESH – you both sound immature.”
“She is for trash-talking people’s rings, but you were being a hypocrite.”
“You say you don’t want to talk poorly about someone’s happy moment, yet you went out of your way to do it to her.” ~ amelia611
“ESH, clearly hates her for being shi**y about people’s rings, but you too because you obviously joined in on it and let her do it for this long.”
“You can say you were annoyed or sick of it or whatever all you want, but you gave her the space to do it, and it seems like she’s used to you joining in on it, so to be honest, you suck just as much as she does on this one.”
“You just grew out of it, and she didn’t.” ~ spid3rham90
“ESH, yes, you were deliberately being an a**hole in response to her constant a**holery; you both shouldn’t be friends.”
“Yes, she sounds nasty.”
“Yes, it’s karma.”
“Yes, you may have been justified in saying it to her.”
“But you deliberately said something to hurt your supposed friend’s feelings.”
“That is an a**hole move.” ~ Away_Doctor2733
“YTA for her being comfortable enough to rag on people’s rings, too.”
“You should have shut this s**t down the first time.”
“Anytime someone rags about our mutual friend, I tell them I’m not going to participate in putting down OUR mutual friend.”
“You should try it.” ~ Ihateyou1975
“NTA. God, I hate people who can dish it out, but they can’t take it.” ~ strawberycreamcheese
“ESH. You could have told her to stop or that it bothered you, but you didn’t.”
“I also wouldn’t want to be friends with something that’s so negative about others’ happy moments, but it’s not like she was saying it specifically to those people.”
“She didn’t ruin their moment as you ruined hers.”
“She probably didn’t even know it was an issue, considering lots of people talk s**t in private.”
“Even tho most won’t admit it.” ~ No_Platypus4073
“NTA. She is ridiculous and immature, time to move on, l’d say.” ~ Spare_Necessary_810
“Justified YTA.”
“Look, do you even want to be friends with this person?”
“She sounds deeply unpleasant and like she prioritizes how much her man spends over aesthetics when it comes to herself, but some pristine standard of beauty when it comes to everyone else.” ~ TheGoldDragonHylan
“NTA. Your friend also does not like her engagement ring, and she finds comfort by bashing others’ rings.” ~ mentat_emre
“NTA. She was never anyone’s friend to start with.”
“So no great loss there.” ~ Suspicious_Juice717
Welp, not all friends are gems.
Reddit is all over the map here, OP.
Your friend sounds toxic.
You don’t need the stress of it all about losing her.
She can dish it, but she can’t take it.
Be careful if you keep her in your life.
And maybe don’t engage or indulge in this type of behavior yourself.