Siblings with large age gaps can have very different upbringings.
Especially when there are only two.
The firstborn will spend years as an only child. They'll also experience their parents learning how to parent.
The second child will have parents who have the benefit of years of experience. They're also more likely to be established in their careers and in their home.
A younger sibling turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after a conflict with their older brother.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Suspicious_Radio6166 asked:
"AITAH for kicking my brother out for flirting with my wife?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My wife (25, female) and I (25, male) have been together since high school. She's sweet, smart, soft, shy, and fiercely loyal, and this situation just proves that. I love her more than anything; she's the love of my life."
"My brother (35, male) recently got kicked out by my parents, because he's never worked a real job, just weird, low-paying nonsense, and recently quit another one of those weird, low-paying nonsense jobs."
"My parents understandably lectured him again, and he lost his crap, from what my mum told me. He was gonna gonna be homeless, so my parents begged me to let him live with me for a while."
"I decided to help, and my wife also decided that maybe we could help him. The conditions were that he'd clean his room, look for a job, and not be a lazy bum."
"My wife and I both work from home, so we'd be with him the entire day."
"6 days ago, my wife came to me, and told me he was flirting with her, like not just saying she's pretty, but more like telling her he'd give her a better life, and telling her to sleep with him."
"She insulted him quite badly by calling him a useless, old man that's nearly 40, and doesn't even own a car or have a life or even girlfriend. To that, he responded by being rude to me in my own house, telling me what to do because he's older."
"My wife telling me made me see why he was acting like a child. I told him to get out of my house.
"We ended up fighting, swearing, and screaming for about 10 minutes. Then my wife called my parents, who came and picked him up."
"My wife was crying while my parents shouted at both of us and shouted at me, for what I really don't know, he started the shouting, not me."
"After they left, I was just so angry and cried to my wife, and we both cried for a good 10 or 15 minutes. And watched a movie afterward. I chose 'The Perfect Date'."
"My brother is back with our parents, who are now pissed at me."
"I don't feel like the a**hole, but at the same time I kinda do."
The OP later added:
"I did promise myself I wasn't gonna be a doormat, so I'm happy I wasn't one."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to kick out his brother (NTA).
"Not the a**hole. Your brother is a loser." ~ Cool__Meiggi
"And his parents enable this behaviour." ~ Primary-Delivery737
"OP's brother is a loser, parents kicked him out and dumped him on him. OP has a great wife, and they both support each other. Keep on being a great couple." ~ RaptorOO7
"NTA. Defend your wife, defend your home. Your brother is a professional loser, and your parents have coddled and enabled him for years. In a perfect world, you never would have taken him in."
"But at least now you can go to your parents, relatives, friends, etc, and tell them that you tried to help him, but he disrespected your wife, your home, your marriage, and so you threw him out." ~ mmmmm_pi
"Professional losers have long and thriving careers, usually in politics or podcasting. OP's brother is a freelance amateur loser doing it purely for the love of the game.NTA." ~ ngp1623
"Bringing him in wasn't the issue. He was."
"At no point did you put a gun to his head and force him to hit on your wife. He CHOSE to do that. That's all on him."
"The only thing you're guilty of is being a good person. And you proved that over and over. You took him in to help him and your parents."
"He chose to spit in your face by cornering your wife.....who you instantly defended by removing the threat, your brother. You have wronged no one."
"You gave him a chance, gave your parents a break, and the three of them are choosing to make you the villain. Good. Let them. Now you know who and what they are."
"And now you know not to help them again. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, I earned the burn." ~ HeyPrettyLadyMaam
"NTA, but your parents sure are as well. The way your brother behaved, it's no wonder where his immaturity came from since they enabled it. You gave him a chance, and he blew it.
"The way he said he was gonna give your wife a better life was very corny. Like, what has he done to make his own life better in terms of financial stability?"
"I would suggest that unless your parents and brother apologize to you and your wife, go at least low contact with them." ~ Pomni_Simp2000
"You know your parents got mad at you just because they do not want you back. NTA." ~ Altruistic-Bunny
"Having your brother movupdateof your home and your parents not talking to you sounds like a win win to me." ~ Sufficient-Lie1406
"They were irritated with your brother to the point they passed him off onto you with the expectation that you'd play captain save-a-hoe with him and handle their problem (of their own making, mind you)."
"They cared very little for your own feelings, which is evident in the way that they strong-armed you into making him your problem."
"When you kicked him out, they were back at square one again, hence the (uncalled for) anger toward you and your wife. How anyone could possibly think you were in the wrong in this situation is mind-boggling."
"I don't envy your family situation at all. Your brother is what someone here commented, 'a professional loser'. You can love someone and still choose to keep your distance for sanity."
"After he tried to move in on your wife, he's lucky he's not having to feel his way through life without use of his eyeballs."
"Your wife definitely sounds like a keeper, my friend. We love a loyal queen. Give her extra love tonight since she's getting hate from both your parents. I would add for her to show you some extra love also, but I don't think she needs to be told." ~ Iwasyoungonetime
The OP provided an update:
"My parents have been cut off by my wife and me. The day after the original post, I set up a meeting with my parents and my brother for Saturday."
"Come Saturday, my wife and I go to their place. The greeting was... awkward, but my wife said cut the bullsh*t, and then we spoke about why I kicked him out."
"My parents shocked me by saying he had told them about the flirting already and everything he had done. They then said it's my wife or them, and that my brother is more important than a girl."
"I then realized how they are just as responsible as he is for how he turned out."
"You people on Reddit were right, my parents are the a**holes, along with my brother, and I deserve better."
"I really don't know why he is the golden child. Maybe because he's the firstborn, I guess. He was never really better than me in anything. We had no sibling rivalry, as he's 10 years older than me."
"Thank you guys so much for all the advice. It truly helped so much. My wife and I both read the comments, and it gave us insight."
"Now, how do I get over cutting off my parents? It's almost like a part of me is dead. I just realized how much control they had over me, even without me really knowing."
"They did everything parents are supposed to do. I'm just really damn confused."
"It's a weird grief, honestly. In some ways, I feel so happy and free, and in others I feel so sad about it, because I loved these people."
"My wife and I have been looking for a therapist for me. I feel like it will just help me a lot."
"The one good thing is my in-laws are just great people, and my wife is an angel, so yeah, I have a good support system at least."
OP at least has a path forward now.
He can let his brother be his parents' problem from now on and build a new family with his wife.
