Those of us who have a tough dating history more than liking have at least one story of things getting super awkward, like an ex trying to come back into our lives, or us trying to get something important back from an ex's house.
Whatever the case may be, these stories hardly ever went the way we were hoping, agreed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor aitasoldheirloom gave their ex-fiancé three years of opportunities to retrieve the engagement ring they proposed with before they finally decided to donate it.
But when their ex finally responded, the Original Poster (OP) still wondered if they handled the situation poorly.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for donating my engagement ring, which is a family heirloom, to an auction fundraiser and telling my ex to bid if he wants it back?"
The OP tried to return their engagement ring.
"My friend is raising money to build an orphanage in his home country. He's going to host an auction fundraiser and asked our friends if they had anything they could donate."
"I had an engagement ring that is very beautiful but holds painful memories for me."
"My ex and I broke up 3 years ago. I've contacted him multiple times in the past, asking him to either take it, to give me his new address so I can send it to him, or to agree to me selling it."
"He hasn't responded to any of these requests, so after 3 years, I finally decided to get rid of it by donating it to the fundraiser."
Then they gave their ex one last chance.
"I sent my ex one final warning that I was going to get rid of the ring, which he ignored."
"So I gave it to my friend. I even sent my ex a confirmation text to let him know I no longer had the ring."
"This was a few weeks ago and he never responded."
The OP received a surprising visit recently.
"On Saturday he showed up at my home, looking furious. I was shocked to see him, and I kept asking him who gave him my address."
"I guess this annoyed him more because he told me that was a stupid question and demanded I give him the ring."
"I explained that I no longer had the ring and that I had given him plenty of opportunities over the last 3 years to collect it."
"He told me to get it back and I told him I couldn't."
"He asked me if I had any idea how much that ring was worth and reminded me it was his grandmother's."
"I told him if the ring was so important to him that he should've responded to my messages or came to collect it, since he obviously knew where I lived."
"He told me he gave it to me because it was so important, but if he had known t I would be so spiteful to give it away, he would've come back for it."
"We kept arguing and he told me I would regret it if I didn't get the ring back to him by the end of the week."
"I told him if he wanted it back so badly, he should bid on it because it was too late."
"He eventually left after telling me I had a week to get the ring back 'or else.'"
The OP wasn't sure what to do.
"Obviously, he thinks I'm an AH and after speaking to my sister he might be right."
"But I gave him plenty of opportunities to take the ring back, and if it was that important to him, he would've."
"He also can 100% afford to bid and win it back, so I don't feel as bad about refusing to ask for it back, since his money will go to a worthy cause."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that they gave him plenty of time and opportunities.
"You gave him 3 years? And he responded immediately after you said it was gone? Meaning he was reading the messages and just deciding not to respond? Lmao. No you're NTA. If he cared he would've gotten it immediately." - Dellidit
"I was so prepared to rule you TA by the title. I was wrong… you did everything reasonable to return it and were more than fair. NTA and I hope it raises a lot of money in the auction." - Dezzys2
"I was ready to say OP was the AH, but in this case nope! You did your due diligence before you donated it. I love that you donated it. NTA." - Blynn025
"OP should definitely save all of those messages in case the idiot ex somehow tries to sue for the ring. In some areas, an engagement ring is considered a gift and you can't sue for it back, but in others that might not be the case. But if OP has proof that they did try to give it back and the ex ignored them, they'd have the proof" - Crafty-Koshka
Others agreed and said the ex was trying to keep his foot in the door.
"Leaving the important family heirloom ring with her, ignoring her messages, keeping track of where she lives...this guy is weird. Was this just an opportunity to make her the bad guy or did he think so long as she had the ring they were still connected?" - thistleandpeony
"Yep, that dude just wanted to keep her emotionally hostage. 'Oh the ring means so much to me she can't possibly get rid of it and think of us every time she sees it.'"
"Now she's gotten rid of it, he knows that she's moved on and he is fuuuurious."
"OP, in some states the law expects you to return the ring if the engagement ends, so make sure you keep documentation of all correspondence with this guy, detailing that he abandoned it with you for 3 years. Try to avoid talking to him, get it in writing." - Hamajaggah
"I don't think he dropped the ball, I think it was deliberate. He thought that for as long as she had 'his' ring in her possession, she would have an unbreakable string of connection to him."
"That's why he ignored her (generous) messages - he thought he could extend that connection into infinity, and that she'd never really be free of him. He's mad that she proved him wrong. It's a control thing. A**hole." - icecreamp**is
Some also wondered if the ex was a legitimate threat.
"I am not in any way suggesting that OP has contributed to any delusion he may have regarding the likelihood that they would ever get back together again."
"I would have expected that if he'd broken things off he'd have been less invested in tracking where she was and would have asked for the ring back at the time of separation. I would also have thought it he'd broken things off she'd have been less concerned about him knowing where she lived."
"If however she broke it off and had to leave in hurry to get away from an abusive partner I can see why he'd potentially be more likely to think he could get her back - because he would be in denial about the finality of the separation and her retaining the ring could play into his fantasy of it all. Her disposing of the ring would have been a discordant event in his fantasy and potentially make him more dangerous." - Fraerie
"I'm also extremely concerned with the overt threat that she'd 'better get the ring back by the end of the week OR ELSE'..."
"OP is NTA for sure, and should really consider trying to get a restraining order. The ex clearly has rage/control issues that haven't lightened up over THREE YEARS." - SnowFox84
"NTA. He's THREATENING her if she doesn't get it back."
"OP, please be on your guard, he could hurt you, damage your car or property, spread nasty rumors, or try to get you fired. If he shows up again to demand the ring, please record it and if possible have a witness."
"Take care." - Super-Snouter
While they could understand why the OP was worried, the subReddit agreed that the OP had done nothing wrong by donating the engagement rings after three years of holding onto it. Legally, they were concerned, not to mention for safety reasons, but morally, the OP was in the clear.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.