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Dad Furious After Fiancée’s Family Demands He Exclude Son’s Boyfriend From Their Wedding

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Homophobia seems like it should be a thing of the past, but as we have seen in the world over the past decade, it is anything but.  In several countries, gay people can still be killed for being who they are.

And Redditor Ajax2021__ found himself facing some of that very ugly homophobia within his family-soon-to-be.  His fiancée’s family showed themselves to be open homophobes, and he pushed back at them.

But after being challenged to make one single concession for her family by his fiancée, he went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback from strangers:

“AITA for ‘making’ my fiancee choose between me and her family?”

Our original poster, or OP, made it clear he knew his fiancée’s family was homophobic as soon as he met them.

“I lost my late wife to breast cancer years ago. I have a 19 year old son (Chris) who’s been through so much ever since his mother’s passing.”

“We grew close because of this tragedy and he’s been the most important thing in my life since he was born.”

“I met a wonderful woman ‘Melanie’ 2 years ago and we got engaged few months back. We’re getting married this month and already have everything set.”

“Now, onto the issue at hand, my in laws are extremely conservative, they come from the deep south.”

“They met Chris’s boyfriend by chance at our house and were extremely uncomfortable even though my son’s boyfriend is sweet and well mannered.”

“They acted cold towards him and Chris and left dinner early. I spoke with Melanie about it and she asked me to give them time to adjust since we’re a blended family.”

When he and his in-laws-to-be discussed the wedding, they made an ugly demand.

“I was invited by my in laws to discuss the wedding and MIL & FIL requested that I don’t let Chris’s boyfriend come to the wedding. I asked why and they gave no reason. Just that they were ‘uncomfortable’ with Chris’s boyfriend around.”

“I figured it had to do with their beliefs and they asked me to please respect that and not argue about it.”

“I decided I wanted to argue about it and told them Chris’s boyfriend is invited and will attend my wedding.”

“They attempted to talk me into using an excuse to uninvite him if I was worried about Chris’s reaction but I refused and told them they have a choice not to attend if they were uncomfortable and then I left.”

The in-laws then went onto Melanie, to try and force her to make it happen.

“They blew up Melanie’s phone claiming I was excluding them from their daughter’s wedding and forcing them out of it and offending them too.”

“She brought it up saying that as their only daughter, her parents want to see her get married and it wasn’t fair for me to tell them not to come.”

“I corrected her and explained they wanted me to uninvite Chris’s boyfriend to my wedding. She said Chris and his boyfriend are nice but asked me to consider and was sure Chris’s boyfriend will understand since her parents seem to not want to let it go.”

“I flipped out and told her that either her family respect me and my son and his boyfriend or they won’t be able to come to the wedding.”

“She said she could talk to Chris and his boyfriend, but I said no. She said I was putting her in a hard place and making her choose between me and her family which isn’t the way to solve this conflict and I was acting like she has no say.”

OP is now not sure how to come out of this argument with his fiancée.

“I asked if she agreed with them. She said no but thought Chris not bringing his boyfriend will be easier than the grief she gets if her parents are uninvited.”

“We’re still arguing about it and she’s still saying I’m making her choose between me and her family knowing how they are even though she disagrees with them.”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

People agreed that OP standing up for his son was far more important.

“Sounds more like she’s making you choose between her parents or your son.”

“This will be a running theme with them. Will they ask your son’s boyfriend to sit out holidays and family gatherings as well?”

“NTA Sounds like you have a long talk ahead of you.”-anonyruok

“I had to choose between my aunt and uncle, who are my godparents, and the rest of the brothers and sisters from my mother’s side (my other uncle’s and aunts).”

“At the end I decided to invite them all, simply because I wanted them all to be part of that special day since I love them all.”

“My godparents were so mad, they told me they wouldn’t come. My aunt even stalked my phone with angry messages for about a month. But I kept my calm and sent an invitation to all of them.”

“In the end my godparents stayed at home. It was their loss, not mine. I am so glad I stood my ground and some of the folks I hold dearest, that (partly because of Covid) are not among us anymore, were there on our special day.”

“What I’m trying to say is: you are NTA and I would advise you to stick with what your heart tells you. And since your son and his boyfriend are dear to you, you simply invite them.”

“Your in-laws can make their own decision. You don’t decide for them, they do. And it will be their loss, and will tell their daughter something about their love for her as well.”-Legitimate-Magazine7

“This is 100% a hill to die on, because it will set the tone for how they behave towards your son for the rest of their lives, the type of respect they will show your family, and what they will think they can get away with.”

“Tell them your son and his bf are invited to the wedding, and so are they, and if they decide not to attend then the choice is on them, not you.”

“It’s 2021, they need to get the f*ck over it.”-ElleDarkly

“It’s not just that, OP, your ILs don’t have a problem with your son’s boyfriend. They have a problem with your son.”

“Your son is gay, and any man he brings home will cause tension. If this were specific to the boyfriend that would be one thing, but it’s not about the boyfriend.”

“It’s about them not accepting your son, not only that, but your fiancee’s reaction shows SHE also does not accept your son.”

“I know your son is an adult, but you really want to marry a woman who doesn’t accept your son? She’s clearly ignorant at best if not a closeted homophobe.”-Weirdbirdnerd

And people were wonderingwhy would Melanie take the side of bigots?

“OP – you need to sit your fiancee down and ask her how she sees this playing out in the future.”

“She’s asking your son to deny who he is at your wedding for her family’s comfort. Does she expect him to continue to hide who he is ongoing?”

“Does she expect him to just go no contact. Is SHE ashamed of him?”

“It sounds like you are fully supportive of your son and his sexuality. You need to decide if it’s a dealbreaker to be with someone who isn’t similarly supportive.”

“NTA based on your post.”-Fraerie

“So what happens when your son gets married? Maybe not to this boyfriend, and maybe he doesn’t ever, but maybe he does.”

“Will his husband be asked to sit out family holidays, or be iced out by your future wife’s side of the family?”

“NTA OP, I’m just pointing out that you’ve got a literal lifetime of future trouble to look forward to if you don’t iron this out with your fiancée right now.”-blackwolf43

“NTA and IMO this is a hill to die on. Your fiancee might be a ‘wonderful’ woman but she is also someone who is willing to exclude your son and his ‘sweet and well mannered’ BF.”

“I don’t believe it is just because she finds it easier than dealing with the ‘grief she gets if her parents are uninvited.’ I suspect that she is not nearly as accepting of your son as you think.”

“Your fiancee’s behaviour here is a big red flag. Proceed with caution.”-roadtohealthy

“NTA – You’re not ‘making her choose,’ you’re defending your son from these f**king bigots. You’re doing what every parent should be doing. Your son comes first.”

“And if that means protecting him from the bigoted in laws (and even your fiancee if she chooses their side) then thats their problem not yours.”

“Really tells you something about their character if they’re willing to make Chris’s boyfriend coming to the wedding a hill to die on. They don’t have to even interact with him. It feels like they’re like ‘how dare he exist?!1!1!1?'”

“Note: keep a good eye on the in-laws and talk to your son. If they are willing to treat the boyfriend like this then theres a high chance they’re treating Chris badly too. Don’t let them make him feel ashamed for who he loves.”-ghostcraft33

And everyone warned OP to tread carefully.

“NTA. Your son and his boyfriend should be there. But don’t uninvite the in laws. That lets them off the hook and they can make themselves out to be the ‘victims’ instead of the homophobes they are.”

“Merely say to them you are looking forward to seeing them at the wedding. Same as you are looking forward to Chris and his boyfriend attending.”

“Everyone is invited, end of story. That way they can’t say you didn’t invite them, and they will have to tell everyone it’s because there was a gay couple in attendance that they chose not to attend their only daughters wedding.”

“You need to make sure your fiancé is on board though. She’s joining your family and needs to be accepting of your son at all times and not only when it’s convenient for her.”-Scissors4215

“NTA for defending your son and his relationship against the bigots. Next it will be that his boyfriend isn’t allowed at any family gatherings.”

“They’ll throw a fit and keep your wife from attending Chris’s future wedding. If they have children through surrogacy or adoption, her parents won’t recognize them as their great-grands.”

“All of that being said, you will be TA if you proceed with this marriage without making it very clear to Melanie that bigoted behavior toward Chris is NEVER going to be allowed, and that includes her ignoring it or, worse, allowing her parents to dictate bigoted actions to her.”

“She must stand up to them now and firmly, making her stance clear that she chooses you, Chris, and kindness over hate. Do not marry this woman if she cannot do that, because you will lose your son over it.”

“Source: Am LGBT myself and have seen this first hand. I was the partner never allowed to attend functions.”-Keboyd88

“NTA. Choose wisely if this is the woman you’re seriously choosing to be your sons stepmother.”

“A woman who will bow to her bigoted parents requests rather than step up for your sons right to have his boyfriend at his fathers wedding.”

“It won’t stop here, he’s always going to be a point of contention for your future in laws. Your fiancée is choosing her family over what should be her new family.”-PeteyPorkchops

“NTA. I’d be saying goodbye to Melanie if she doesn’t understand how wrong it would be to exclude your son from your wedding.”

“Her parents don’t have to share your beliefs, but they have to be civil when they are around your son. He isn’t going anywhere & she’s being unreasonable in my opinion.”

“No one is preventing them from seeing her get married—they’re doing that to themselves. That’s their problem.”

“While I understand it being Melanie’s problem as well now, she’s known what her parents believe. She knows your son is gay. What she’s asking of you is unreasonable.”

“What happens at Christmas? Or Easter? Or any other family holiday. This is only the very beginning/tip of the iceberg. To think otherwise would be naive.”-spoiledrichwhitegirl

OP and his fiancée have a long talk ahead of them.

OP’s son is not going anywhere nor will he somehow get less gay. He is a gay man who is an integral part of OP’s life, and so are his partners.

Thankfully, OP has his son’s back.  Hopefully Melanie will come around to having it too.

Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.