Couples have varying levels of sexual intensity when it comes to routinely making love.
One woman admitted to being loud during sex with her husband, which is fine since they are getting down and dirty in the comfort of their own home.
But when recent living arrangments changed, and her propensity to make some noise caused drama, she sought judgment from strangers on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
There, Redditor na77797 asked:
"AITA - My sister and her husband complained about hearing my husband and I have sex?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My sister and her family moved in with my husband (31 M[ale]) and me (30 F[female]) to be closer until they found a place. It was originally supposed to be 3 months, six at the very most. It has now been a year."
"My sister and I are best friends, but my husband and I are ready to have our house back for our family. My husband and I have high sex drives, and this entire time, we've tried keeping it as quiet as we can be and respectful with them here."
"I have a difficult time staying quiet, so we even changed up the time to the middle of the night when everyone is asleep or early morning."
The OP continued:
"Recently, we have gone back to how we used to do things and not holding back, and they complained about the noise. Saying it's disrespectful, and they asked if we could quiet down."
"We're not obnoxious about it. We're just enjoying each other, as we should be able to do in our home."
As a side note, the OP mentioned her brother-in-law and how he figures into the situation, writing:
"My brother-in-law took a month gap from work because he didn't want to work. He's lazy and has a bad work ethic, which is the main reason they are still here. He's been let go from 2 jobs and is on his 3rd job since they've been here."
"AITA for not carrying anymore. If they don't want to hear what we do, then he should work harder to get out of their situation.
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here (NTA).
"NTA - they've overstayed their welcome. They need to go and give your life back. Honestly, I'd start doing it louder at this point cos cmon. Get outta my house." – anon
"Please just have a direct conversation with your sister."
"Girl, I love you but we need our house back. We've been playing polite hosts for too long and must return to being comfortable in our home. At this point, if you don't want to hear it, you need to move out. And really, even if you do want to hear it, you need to move out." – That KinkyLady
"OP, I would just sit them down and tell them it's not working any longer. Give them 30 days, or whatever, to have them out. What you DON'T want is to continue having them live with you, while you feel resentful to them, and all these little things build up until you hate each other." – crystallz2000
1. "You want them gone."
2. "Loud sex makes them uncomfortable."
"Personally I would turn up the funky stuff to 11 from this point. Maybe try all the weird sh*t you were too nervous to try before...just make it loud."
"Bonus points if your husband gets a gimp suit and have him sit at your side while watching TV in the living room." – Rude_Egg_6204
"NTA. You should tell your sister directly 'When you originally moved in, you said you were staying for 3 months. I felt like even that was a long time to keep it down, but for the sake of harmony, we tried to be considerate. It's been a year, and I want my old life back. If you don't like it, find a new place.' " – algunarubia
"Your sister is most decidedly NOT your best friend. She's using you and has for this entire time."
"They have taken advantage of you and have the temerity to tell you to tone down your enjoyment of sex."
"Give them 30 notice to vacate, then when (not if, we all know this) they don't comply, file eviction. Good luck to them ever finding a landlord willing to rent to them with that on their record in today's housing market."
"NECTBA (not even close to being the AH."
"Or to keep the mods happy, NTA." – BlindUmpBob
"NTA. I think it would be good to communicate that you want them to leave before relying on sex noises to convince them to leave. I do want to acknowledge that you have done a kind thing that should not have been taken this far, you deserve your space back." – jenjemin_buttons
"NTA."
"The gall of people (who have overstayed by months) to complain about sex when they're the overstayed guests! "
"I think it's time to talk to your sister, who is your best friend, that they've overstayed their welcome and it's time to go." – archetyping101
"NTA."
"Oh I'm sorry you could hear the owners of the home you've been too lazy to move out of having perfectly normal sex. That must be difficult for you. Know where you can't hear us doing it? In your own house. Isn't that wild?!" – Tumbleweed_Jim
"NTA. They are family, but still guests. One's that have probably overstayed their welcome. Do your thing. If they don't like it, they can move out and be grown adults somewhere else." – NotMisterableRerport
"Nta: your home; they have way overstayed their welcome. They need to leave now. Getting fired from 2 jobs in less than a year, dude, is a waste of space. Generally by 30 if you're still a f*ck, you're always a f'k up." – No-Diamond9363
"NTA. They've outstayed their welcome. Give them notice they need to be out before Christmas as you want to have sex on the sofa in the sitting room on Christmas morning with only the lights from the Christmas tree on as you traditionally do. If you tell them that while they're sitting on the sofa they could be out within a week!! Please, please keep us updated." – Wooden_Opportunity65
"NTA Unless you're harming them somehow, then it's your house, your rules. They don't get to dictate your behavior. If it means them leaving sooner, I'd ramp up the noise and frequency of your coupling." – Performance_Lanky
"NTA. You've done more than enough. Set a firm timeline. Give them 3 months to get out. Then hold them to it. They have settled into living off your dime, and now you have to dig them out. If they can't figure it out in three months, they can become someone else's problem."
"Next time you sister is anything but appreciative towards you, point to the door and tell her she can have all the peace and quiet she wants in her own place." – WhereWeretheAdults
"NTA tells them as it is way past their moving out date, they should expect to find you living all aspects of your relationship regardless of what room, etc. If they are uncomfortable, you can signal it by leaving a towel on your entrance door ;) And that will likely be on the door all night all day and all days upcoming to signal they might encounter noise and/or not flying underwear...." – Icy-Cherry-8143
"NTA! This is hilarious. It's your house, and they've totally overstayed their welcome. I mean, if they can't handle it, they should move out ASAP! 😂" – Illustrious_Heart821
"NTA, I agree with most of the posts in here stating to let her know she overstayed her welcome, and if she doesn't like it, she needs to start finding other living arrangements."
"The one thing I do not see everyone suggesting is to make sure you PUT EVERYTHING IN WRITING!! Do this through text or make up a paper on key points you spoke about and make both of you sign it so you have written proof of what was said."
"Not saying she would do anything bad to you, but I've seen people switch up on family quick like this over something small, so just to save yourself, think about it." – PalpitationNo2352
"Nta. Period. I could not live with my own sister for a year, let alone my SIL. Your husband is a saint."
"The question also is here: have you told your sister that they need to leave the house, and what is their plan? If you don't, they will get more entitled by the day." – johnthes
Overall, Redditors thought that if the OP's sister was having a difficult time with the noises she finds offensive in a place that isn't even her home, she and her husband should make more of an effort to find a place of their own.
They also thought a 30-day advance notice was fairly standard and fair, given the circumstances.
No one should feel like they should restrain themselves to accommodate someone who is pretty much a mooch.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.