Petty squabbles can become big rifts when people try to one-up each other in insults.
A man who never got over something a former classmate said to him turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a chance encounter years later.
Alfredodiliman asked:
"AITA for reminding an old classmate what he said to me years ago after I found out where he works?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (23, male) had a classmate back in high school. I wouldn't exactly call him a close friend, but we were more than just classmates. We talked sometimes and were generally cool with each other."
"Back then, I had already started working out, and he used to call me 'ripped, so we got along fine."
"After high school, we went our separate ways, but we were still friends on Facebook. One day, we ended up chatting, and I honestly don't even remember how the conversation turned sour."
"But he suddenly got really hostile and started insulting me. It escalated to the point where he created a group chat with some of his classmates just to talk trash about me."
"They were all saying things about me, but one thing he said stuck with me all these years. He said: 'You'll probably end up as a computer shop attendant anyway'."
"That hit me hard at the time, especially because we were both studying Information Technology. It felt like he was saying I would never amount to anything."
"Fast forward to now. I'm working remotely for a company. No RTO, fully work-from-home."
"I get to keep most of my salary since I don't spend much on transportation or food outside. I can help my family financially, and after work I can literally just lay down and rest."
"Overall, life turned out pretty good for me."
"Earlier today, I randomly ran into him. I noticed he was wearing a white uniform, so I thought maybe he was still studying or doing some kind of internship. I asked him, 'Are you still studying?'."
"He said no, he's already working."
"Turns out he works at an automotive company as technical support. It's a decent job, nothing wrong with it, but from what he told me, he earns a lot less than what I currently make."
"I'll admit something here: the moment he told me that, the memory of what he said years ago immediately came back to my mind."
"So I said something along the lines of, 'Oh, that's cool. At least you didn't end up as a computer shop attendant like you said I would'."
"He kind of went quiet after that, and the conversation became awkward. Later, I started wondering if maybe I shouldn't have said that and just let the past stay in the past."
"Part of me feels justified because what he did back then really hurt me and stuck with me for years. But another part of me thinks I might have been petty for bringing it up."
"So AITA for reminding him of what he said to me back then?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"The action I took was bringing up something my former classmate said years ago to insult me."
"When I ran into him recently and found out where he works, I told him something along the lines of 'At least you didn't end up as a computer shop attendant like you said I would', referencing the insult he made about me in the past."
"I might be the a**hole because I brought up an old insult years later in a way that was meant to throw it back at him and compare our situations now. Even though what he said back then hurt me, I could have just kept the conversation polite and moved on instead of making the comment."
"My remark made the interaction awkward and could have come across as petty, or like I was looking down on him."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors couldn't decide if the OP was (YTA) or wasn't the a**hole (NTA) or if everyone sucked (ESH).
"The fact this bothers you tells you your behavior was beneath your expectations for yourself. How you treat others shapes you. YTA."
"If you see him again, apologize and explain that his comment had rattled around in your head. Teenagers/college kids project their own fears onto themselves." ~ Woodmom-2262
"NTA, you didn't disparage his occupation, and you repeated only his sentiment he directed to you. No reason for you to feel petty." ~ AmateurExpert__
"Guy said what he said when he was in college, probably projecting his own fears onto others. OP said this to him as an adult after seeing that the guy's life isn't going that well. I don't know, honestly, but ESH at the very least." ~ rishado
"There's this story about Adam Sandler, he was just a kid trying to make his dream a reality... one of his professors took him out and said, 'hey I don't think you are going to make it in the acting/comedy world, you should really think about doing something else. This is not going to work out for you'."
"He saw that professor at a bar many, many years later, after his fame and success, Sandler brought him over to all of his buddies and introduced him as, 'the only professor to ever buy me a beer'."
"YTA for choosing to be petty and childish years later over something that happened in college." ~ Fantastic_List3029
"NTA, people are acting as if you looked for him to be petty. You saw him coincidentally and remembered he talked sh*t, and you just reminded him of what he said."
"If he doesn't like what he said, he should have never said it, and if he grew and learned what he did wasn't OK, he should have said sorry." ~ Zestyclose-Chip8526
"ESH. This is so unbelievably immature. But I guess he gets to know he really got to you enough that he's been living rent-free inside your head for years." ~ Real_Nectarine34
"The fact that you remember him saying this, but not what turned the conversation sour, is suspicious. The fact that you'd be this petty years later makes me wonder if you said something sh*tty back then to cause the conflict."
"It doesn't even make sense that he and all his friends were trashing you just spontaneously if you were getting along right until that moment. People always seem to 'not remember' the crappy things they themselves did. YTA." ~ ivecompletelylostit
"NTA. Petty doesn't equal a**hole. I don't know if it always works, but he got his own boomerang back. You just reminded him of it. Perhaps he forgot about it, and perhaps reflecting on it will help." ~ Selfimprovinghuman
"ESH, him for his behavior then, and you (a bit) for your behavior now."
"If you had held a grudge for that long, you could have just moved along without starting something now - or you could have said something like 'The way you treated me back then made me feel bad, but I'm happy to say that your predictions of how things would turn out for me were wrong'."
"That might have got you an apology, an explanation, or maybe even some closure. Instead, now you're still thinking about a year-old insult and feeling like you might have been wrong in retaliating."
"It's a bit pointed to me that you 'don't remember how a conversation turned hostile' back then—is it possible that you said something then that hurt him, even if that wasn't your intent? That doesn't excuse his behavior even if true, and his was likely worse than yours for involving his friends in a coordinated smear campaign."
"As impolite behavior goes, you have some justification for yours, but just remember that's how cycles perpetuate. Sometimes letting those old things be water under the bridge and continuing on your journey is a lot more freeing than starting up another cycle."
"Congratulations on doing well, and living a life you are proud of and enjoy." ~ ShannaraRose
After getting feedback, OP added:
"For the people saying I've been holding onto this for years, I really haven't. It bothered me for a few months back then, but after that we never spoke again."
"I muted the group chat they made about me and moved on."
"He never apologized either. Whenever we happened to see each other after that, he'd just ignore me."
"The only reason I even remembered what he said was when I saw him earlier and he told me about his job. That's when the exact line came back to me: 'You'll probably end up as a computer shop attendant anyway'."
"For context, life wasn't exactly easy for me. My mom died before I even started college and my father has basically been absent from our lives."
"I'm the breadwinner for my family, and I have two younger sisters who depend on me. So when I say what they did back then hurt, especially what he said, it really did."
"Back then, he made a whole group chat just to talk trash about me with his friends. They laughed at me and treated me like I was already a failure. I never fought back. I just focused on working hard and proving to myself that I could build a better life."
"So when I saw him again years later and realized the future he mocked me for never actually happened, I guess part of me wanted him to hear those words again."
"Maybe that makes me a little petty. But after everything that happened back then, I won't pretend it didn't feel a bit satisfying."
OP seems to be in a bit of denial, but he can always pick which judgment he wants and forget the rest.
