I definitely have a retail voice for in-person interactions and a customer service voice for phone calls. I don’t recall ever consciously choosing to alter my voice patterns, but I’m aware I do it.
And I’ve observed the behavior in most of my retail or customer service helpline coworkers as well. So apparently it’s a fairly common occurrence.
But what about developing a different voice for your social interactions?
I’ve seen this happen with people in new romantic relationships or who are trying to find a romantic partner by pitching their voices higher or lower, employing baby talk or a sultry voice, or using techniques like vocal fry.
A friend who called out their friend’s “fake” voice turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Puzzleheaded_Bug2363Â asked:
“AITA for outing my friend that her baby voice isn’t her normal voice?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I have a friend that I’m really close to that has social anxiety, so she hasn’t been out with my friends before.”
“She finally decided to come with us, which was exciting, but she spoke completely differently.”
“I don’t know how to explain it, but she was talking in a baby voice? Or maybe an anime voice?”
“She just sounded not like herself at all. She sounded like, 12 years old.”
“When she went to the bathroom, my friends immediately asked me why she sounds like that.”
“One of my friends said, ‘She sounds so young, WTF’. Another said, ‘No one sounds like that, she’s clearly faking it for some reason’.”
“I admitted that yes, she was faking it, which was obvious. But I wasn’t sure why she was talking like that.”
“There were guys there that I’m friends with. Maybe she has a crush? Or just nervous? No idea.”
“But after the hangout, I asked her why she was talking like that and she played dumb. She said ‘I was talking differently? Sometimes I act different around different people’.”
“I said it wasn’t just that, she sounded young, way younger than she is. She said it was just something she was trying out and that she hopes no one noticed.”
“I said of course they noticed, I told them that wasn’t your real voice.”
“She got upset at this and said I shouldn’t have told them that. I told her, girl, everyone knows you’re faking the voice.”
“My saying it doesn’t do anything, they all know. But she’s mad at me.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I told my friends that she was faking her voice. She feels like I outed her and is upset.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA for bringing it to her attention, but with friends like you, who needs friends? As someone with social anxiety, I can totally understand trying to be anyone but yourself in new/scary social situations.”
“Not saying your friend made the best choice in the moment, but sometimes we’re all weird and awkward and do the wrong thing. Maybe it was an accident at first and she got embarrassed and committed to the bit, or maybe she just made an uncomfortable social choice.”
“Changing your voice like this is super common in neurodivergent folks, so that may be something to keep in mind. Maybe if something like this happens again, you could try phrasing your feedback like this:”
“‘Hey friend I know that this is a lot of new social interaction, but I hope you know I’d never invite you around people you wouldn’t vibe with once we all get comfortable with each other!’.”
“‘If you’re feeling nervous always feel free to take a moment to yourself, (not gonna lie, I pretend to smoke in new social situations sometimes so that I can go get a minute alone outside if I’m overwhelmed) and we can have a signal to say “I need OUT” if it’s too much too fast’.”
“‘I enjoy your company so much and I know these friends will too. I hope you don’t feel the need to mask too much around these folks because they’re going to love getting to know you as you are!’.”
“So like, yeah, NTA for bringing it to her attention, but for sure not a good friend moment on your part either. It’s cool to be kind and to cover your friends’ asses when they’re being anxious little weirdos.” ~ Rare_Ad482
“If it was so obvious that everyone knew she was faking it, there’s really no place for you to retreat to without sounding disingenuous yourself.”
“Is she from the Elizabeth Holmes school of ‘fake your voice and affectations and pretend that nobody knows when they clearly all knew right away’?”
“NTA. You didn’t out her—her voice was so obviously not real that she outed herself. You just didn’t lie for her, nor should you have.” ~ baka-tari
“NTA. Using that type of voice is usually for attention (i.e. all those ‘anime uwu’ gamer girls). Baby voice is weird, especially if it was because she had a crush.”
“Yeah, I mask my social anxiety by occasionally changing my voice, but I usually force a confident tone to come off as confident. When I’m anxious, I don’t want more people paying attention to me or thinking I’m some sort of baby.”
“This was not an act of anxiety, this was attention-seeking.” ~ g0thl0ser_
“She didn’t tell you in advance she wanted you to cover up for her, and you didn’t choose to lie to your friends. Nothing wrong with that.”
“She’s a lil’ bit of an a**hole for getting mad at you, so NTA instead of NAH.” ~ ieya404
“NTA. I get people with social anxiety may do stuff like that to help them cope with their anxiety, but she also shouldn’t expect you to lie for her.”
“And, not to be rude, but trying to sound like a 12-year-old is kinda f*cking creepy. Like, what does she mean she hopes no one noticed?” ~ Sufficient-Berry-827
“I mean NTA, but let’s be real—we all have a voice we use for meeting strangers or when we’re working. Mine gets higher pitched and I drag out my words a little more.”
“It’s not a thing I do purposefully. Once I get more comfy I start using my more normal voice.”
“I’m an anxious person and I don’t do well talking to people. Like I can have a conversation, but I’m awkward as hell.” ~ B_schlegelii
“NTA, I mean were you supposed to deny reality? BUT, you could always try a different approach to really get at the heart of why she did it.”
“The high pitched kiddie voice might have been her trying to make herself smaller in a situation that scared her. It may have even started unconciously from that.
“If you feel the need to smooth this over with her, you can always present it as ‘Hey, we would love to see your authentic self! Changing your voice made us realize that we probably weren’t getting that’.” ~ spacesatsuma
“This reminds me of Jennifer Garner in 13 Going on 30, where she’s a 13 year old in a 30-year-old’s body. She had this super high-pitched young girl voice that sounded ridiculous, but honestly it’s annoying.”
“When I was in high school, a lot of the girls around me would do that and try to act innocent, because they were trying to be sexy. Now I look back and it’s gross.”
“Either way, someone was going to point it out if it wasn’t you. NTA.” ~ Background_Ruin_3631
“NTA. It sounds like you were in a tricky situation. You’re not an AH for being honest, but maybe the way you approached it could have been more sensitive.”
“Your friend was likely using that voice as a coping mechanism for her social anxiety, and outing her in front of your other friends probably made her feel exposed and embarrassed.”
“Instead of calling her out directly in front of everyone, it might have been better to talk to her privately about why she felt the need to use that voice and let her know that she doesn’t have to change herself to fit in. Everyone has their quirks, and she probably just needed reassurance that she could be herself around your friends without judgment.”
“So, while your intentions might not have been bad, the way you handled it might have made her feel hurt. Maybe a follow-up conversation where you acknowledge her feelings and explain yours could help smooth things over.” ~ Lifewith_Eloise
“NTA. Seriously I’ve been around girls who do the stupid baby voice for attention and it’s so freakin’ annoying!”
“They honestly think it’s cute and makes them look quirky and adorable, but it really doesn’t. One girl used to fake being clumsy as well thinking that was also cute.”
“She would purposely trip over things and make a huge commotion over dropping stuff as well and then look around expecting everyone to coo over how cute it was that she dropped a load of popcorn everywhere and made a huge mess.”
“She’d then get really pissy and sulk when no one did.” ~ Bubble_111
Whether this was the result of social anxiety or a conscious choice, no one faulted the OP for being unprepared to lie to their friends.
It was awkward because everyone was put in an awkward position.
The person who put them all there shouldn’t complain about a situation they created.