Knowing when a friendship is over—or maybe never existed—is an important skill to develop.
Clinging to something that’s over is natural and letting go can be very hard.
A woman struggling with a broken friendship turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Zealousideal_Ear7529 asked:
“AITA For filing a police report on a good friend who was caught on video stealing my boyfriend’s camera at a dinner?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“She has refused to help me either replace it in full or contribute to the cost of replacing it.”
“We were out to dinner one night at an expensive hotel. My boyfriend let me borrow his Canon G7X (1800) camera to bring to take pictures with my friends.”
“At the conclusion of the dinner, I went up to the room and realized the camera was gone. I went back right down to the table and no one had seen it.”
“I immediately got with hotel security and she is on video, clear as day, swiping the camera when my back was turned and shoving it in her purse. I covered for her initially with my friend, and contacted her to find a resolution.”
“She had taken the camera with her and my other friends to a club after dinner, which I did not attend, and lost it there. For background, this is my good college friend who I know well (the camera thief).”
“She has been taken on free trips to Coachella and St Barths on my dime (not kidding), as well as many other things. We have done a lot together and are good friends, so I expected her to feel sorry.”
“Initially she lied, saying she did not have it. When I told her we had video, she confessed and then said yes she took it, but lost it at the next bar she went to with my other friends.”
“It is now gone. I asked her to help me replace it by going in on me with the cost. She has refused all measures or resolutions, and now I feel I have nothing left to do but file a police report and let them handle it.”
“It is impacting my relationship, and I am furious my friend is not helping at all. Why should I be on the hook for something she stole?”
“I have given her three weeks to help me resolve this, but she insists she is going to do nothing. I am being pressed by my boyfriend to either replace the camera or help him file a report with her info and the footage.”
“I even asked her to just throw in half or less than half the cost to help, but she still refuses. I do not want her to get in trouble, but I am at the point where I feel she really does not care.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I want to know if i am the a**hole for filing a police report and taking serious action against a good friend. I do not feel like a good friend for doing so, even though her actions hurt me, I feel like an a**hole.”
“I want to know if I am an a**hole for not just covering the cost myself or feeling like she needs accountability.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA), but not for the reasons she thought.
“YTA – not even sure why you are asking. I have rarely seen a post with more a**holish behavior on here.”
“You are an a**hole to your boyfriend. Kind guy trusted you with something valuable and you are not even giving him all the information you have after it got swiped.”
“You brought your a**hole friend to this dinner. You are an a**hole for not filing a report.”
“You are an a**hole to yourself for not holding this f*cking ‘friend’ accountable… what the hell do you mean ‘throwing in half’?”
“Get your head out off your a** and go file a report. Make sure your boyfriend is made whole, be utterly embarrassed with your own behavior here, and do better next time.” ~ Steve12345678911
“YTA, for caring about your thief of a friend over your boyfriend’s property. Your number one priority should have been to get his property back. Not sure if this post is real, and also not convinced your ‘friend’ didn’t sell the camera on or keep it.” ~ simply_clare
“Girl, WTF‽‽ Please stop being a pushover. You should have reported her that night. Grow a spine and report her and give the police the tape.”
“She is not your friend. Seems like she has not been your friend in a long time and you are too foolish to see it. She obviously uses you for free trips and things.”
“This probably isn’t even the first time she stole from you. The fact that you even hesitated to report her for stealing your boyfriend’s camera is very strange.”
“I would have broken up with you if I were him for not having his back and for trying to protect someone who obviously doesn’t even like or respect you. Really, YTA for even waiting this long to do anything about it.” ~ AnneShurely
“Stop bailing this person out by offering to cover half the cost. Such entitlement that she would take it in the first place.”
“File a police report and drop the parasite from your friend group. A friend, especially a good friend, should never treat you that way.” ~ EquivalentChip7463
“YTA. Is there a reason you are choosing your thieving friend over your boyfriend? She’s made it clear she’s not your friend, and that she’s not going to make this right.”
“The police report should have been filed the moment she said she wasn’t going to pay for it.”
“If I were your boyfriend I would be reconsidering the relationship with you over this. You’re really dragging your feet to make this right. Get the report made and replace his camera.” ~ Pleasant-Tax8290
“You sincerely BELIEVE you’re being the nice person, to her, in general. You are mistaken. YTA.”
“She clearly feels entitled to steal from her friends, even the friends who have been super generous with her. How do you think she feels with people who are less close friends, or coworkers?”
“You’ve enabled her to steal from others – I guarantee you that she has, AND that is partly on you if you do NOT file this police report.
“When some other less fortunate person is unable to pay their rent, and she’s merely skated through PROVEN incidents of theft, you could be part of the cause of making that random stranger homeless.”
“You have clearly not thought this through. File the police report. Sue her for the full amount.”
“Do not spend another penny on her…EVER. People who imagine themselves to be people pleasers…doing more harm than good…SMH.” ~ QueenLevine
“She is not a friend, she’s an opportunist with parasitical behavior. She will continue to do this to you and in all of her relationships until people hold her accountable. That’s the type of path that creates the type of person who steals cash from her own children.”
“She should take full responsibility financially and morally and everyone in a friend group you share that will ultimately hear about the situation when she blames you for attacking her should be able to see the footage if they wish so they can protect their own peace and possessions so I hope you have a copy on hand.”
“I’m all about forgiveness and mercy if the other person has compassion, takes accountability and wants to try to change but she can’t do the bare minimum.”
“Also, I don’t buy that she conveniently lost it at the club as if it magically slipped from her bag. It’s just as- if not more likely- she still had it when you confronted her, lied again, and maybe sold it off or is hiding it.” ~ FutureFablesGaming
The OP provided a series of updates:
“UPDATE: I sent her a text this AM telling her if I do not receive full cost of the camera or shipping confirmation of a new camera from an approved vendor to a provided address by end of day Friday, we will be filing a report with the police Saturday AM. I felt like an a**hole typing this out to her, but I have to do it.”
“UPDATE #2: She told me she is sick of me and that I will be receiving a tracking number by 12 eastern on friday and not to blame her if the package is never received. I told her if she was my real friend, she would be sorry and in no way will I allow this to be flipped on me. Should I ask if the camera is new, or the one that ‘dissapeared’?”
“Update #3: She sent me a tracking number via FedEx. It says it is awaiting package. I have asked her repeatedly if she is sending me the original camera, assuming it ‘magically’ turned up, or a new one. She refuses to answer and only tells me to stop bothering her.”
“Update #4: I am more and more convinced my friend (camera thief) took the camera hoping that I would just replace it for my boyfriend, gifting her a free camera. For background, this friend is heavily involved on instagram and loves taking pictures.”
“The Canon G7 is COVETED by women because it is known as THE Instagram camera. Even if you wanted to buy one at full price, they are out of stock everywhere. Lets hope it gets returned with this tracking. FedEx still says awaiting package even though shipping info was sent to them at 7 PM yesterday.”
“Update #5: Original camera returned via FedEx the other day. Has been given back to the boyfriend. However, the camera thief blocked me on all socials after this. Appeared she was trying to keep the camera for herself, and expected me to just buy a new one for the boyfriend.”
OP got her boyfriend’s camera back hopefully learned a lesson about the difference between friends and parasites.