Part of the responsibility for pet owners is keeping their pet safe.
Many homes pose hazards to pets in the form of cleaners, plants, and foods.
A woman with two cats turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Educational_Bat4640 asked:
"AITA for being 'ungrateful' about the flowers my girlfriend got me for my birthday?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Backstory, my girlfriend got me flowers about a month or so ago. I'm also a woman, we're lesbians."
"It was a beautiful bouquet of flowers with a lot of lillies in it, which are my favorite flowers and I absolutely loved it. However, I do have two small kittens in my house that I adore."
"I thanked her so much for the gesture and I quickly removed them and took them to my parents house. We were on the phone and I was researching and telling her that lillies are poisonous to cats and that even the pollen from them can cause illness and death."
"I was kind of freaking out about it."
"Fast forward to this week, she got me flowers for my birthday. These also had lillies in them."
"She had kept them in my room and when I came home from work she handed me them and then said 'they have lillies in them so you might want to take them to your parents' house, but let's put them away in the closet for now."
"In the moment, I was kind of confused why she would have got me another bouquet that has lillies in them when she knows that I could not keep them in my house. But I thought the gesture was nice, so I didn't say anything about it, just kept them in the closet."
"I haven't had the time to take them to my parents house so they've been in the closet since the weekend."
"We got into a disagreement tonight and she told me that it doesn't make her feel good or reassured that I left the flowers in the closet 'to die.' She said she put a lot of thought into getting me flowers and wrapped them herself and was excited to see me smile when she gave me them."
"I told her that it doesn't make me feel good that she got me flowers that she knows could harm my cats and that I can't actually keep in my house. And that it wouldn't have taken much thought to get me something like roses that I also love and are cat safe, especially because of the last conversation we had when she got me flowers the last time."
"She called me ungrateful and said she was trying to do something special for me and felt that I threw it in her face like it meant nothing to me."
"I did appreciate the gesture, I love getting flowers from her. But I feel like it would have been more special and thoughtful to receive flowers that I could actually display and enjoy in my home."
"AITA?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I let the flowers that my girlfriend got me die in my closet because they aren't cat friendly and it may have come off as ungrateful to her."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole for protecting her pets (NTA).
"NTA. My fiancée (also a lesbian couple) has a cat with a SUPER sensitive stomach. Even when I got safe flowers like roses, her cat would throw up from chewing on it."
"So instead I started surprising her with rotisserie chicken from Costco because she loves them."
"Being in a relationship means taking note of stuff for your partner to make their lives easier, even if it is something small."
"The first time, okay fair it was a mistake. The second time she wasn't making an effort." ~ Thatonecrazywolf
"So bringing cat poison into a cat-owner's home was premeditated? NTA She knew these couldn't be around your cats. Is this some sort of mind game she's playing with you?" ~ KatTheKonqueror
"She put a lot of thought into it? Either she's stupid, selfish, or she's testing you to see if you prioritise your cats over her (she can be all 3 simultaneously)." ~ No-Introduction3808
"You forgot #4. She knew that OP would have to take them to her parents house. She wanted the parents to also see how 'great' of a partner she is for gifting the flowers." ~ Kittymemesallday
"I mean assuming OP's girlfriend isn't evil, I think she maybe thought the flowers were still an appropriate gift because they're OP's favorites? So maybe she thought OP still liked getting them even though she can't keep them in her own house?"
"Assuming best intentions, maybe when OP originally got lilies, she used overly nice language that didn't make it clear to her girlfriend she didn't want to receive lilies again."
"Something like 'oh the lilies were very pretty! They're actually my favorite flowers, but I can't keep them in my house because of my cat, so I'm taking them over to my parents house' and instead of that signaling to girlfriend 'thank you, but please don't get me lilies again because I can't keep them in my house' girlfriend thought 'oh, OP really liked the lilies and would still like to receive them even if they have to stay at her parents' house because they're her favorite'."
"OP is obviously NTA, but she should make it really clear this time that even though she personally loves lilies, she does not want to receive them as a gift as a current cat owner. If girlfriend gets her lilies again after that clear communication, then girlfriend is definitely evil and should be broken up with." ~ AnyaHatesCarrots
"This is straight out my manipulative past partner's playbook. Get a gift that is more problematic than a present, then get mad when the receiver isn't appropriately appreciative." ~ moo-chu
"NTA for not being grateful, and I'd rethink this relationship."
"'Here's something that will kill your cats as a sign of how much I love you' is an odd message to send."
"The first time was probably coincidence—many people including cat owners don't know—but after you told her, how could she not pay attention?" ~ allyearswift
"Agree with everything you said, and just want to add/emphasize that when GF was told about the problem, and then her second gift of cat poison flowers didn't go over well, she claimed to be hurt because she 'put a lot of thought into [it]'. Not enough thought, obviously." ~ CoverCharacter8179
"When someone finds it necessary to point out to the recipient or complain to others about the effort they put into a gift or other action, I've learned to tread lightly because too many times it's a self-centered person expressing irritation and resentment that their carefully calculated act of performative manipulation didn't sweep the recipient off their ungrateful feet."
"Why couldn't she send the birthday bouquet with lilies to OP's job if that was an option?" ~ Lhamo55
"NTA. I am a vet tech who has lost more than one cat patient to lily toxicity. You're not ungrateful, you are protecting your kitties." ~ Equerry64
"I say this carefully, but your girlfriend is disrespectful of your feelings and your care for your cats. If she cared about you, she would have paid attention the last time and would not be making it all about her." ~ HappyM0M
"NTA. She's putting her feelings above your very real concern that the flowers could poison your cats. Either she's not taking it seriously, or she doesn't care. Either way, it's not a good look."
"She's upset that you're upset that she did something thoughtless (at best)." ~ Sarissa32
"I'm not trying to sound accusatory, but does she like your cats? I don't want to jump to conclusions, but it makes NO sense to CONTINUE buying you flowers that are just going to go to your parents' house."
"WTF is the endgame there? NTA since you had JUST went through this not that long ago and explained it to her." ~ Thick_Mick_Chick
"NTA. I recently bought a houseplant for my coworker. I walked to my car and thought 'oh I should Google if the things are safe for dogs."
"It wasn't, so I returned it and got a rose instead. That's the normal thing to do, right?" ~ FriendlyCanadianCPA
"Okay I was fully ready to say yes as most people don't research flowers and if they're toxic to pets (especially if they don't have pets themselves) But she knowingly bought them and kept them in your house? Not even 'oh, I forgot' not to get flowers without a toxic plant?" ~ Broken-Ice-Cube
"NTA. The first time is a mistake, the second time is either malice or more likely weaponised incompetence." ~ Dizzy_Run_3220
"OP the longer those flowers sit in the closet the more dangerous that closet will be for the cats. Even the pollen is toxic. You're gonna need to likely wash any low-hanging clothes, and if it's carpeted, vacuum it to bits. I'd even consider l washing the carpet if it's been more than 48 hours." ~ wiggleJiggleCatLady
Seems like OP needs to have another discussion with their girlfriend about bringing toxins into her home.
