Comfort levels are unique to each person and depend on the issue at hand.
Our personal comfort levels can also cloud our judgment about our friends' and family's.
Sometimes, this can lead us to accidentally create an awkward situation.
The girlfriend of Redditor Crypto-Carl-9 was excited to share a project she had been working on with his family.
Of course, the original poster (OP) and his family were thrilled to support his girlfriend.
After seeing his girlfriend's project, however, the OP felt shocked and embarrassed, telling her she should have warned him and his family. Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subreddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for suggesting that my gf should have told me beforehand that the film she made contains nude scenes?"
The OP explained why he felt his girlfriend should have warned him and his family about what they were in for:
"I (30 M[ale]) have been seeing my gf (29 F[emale]) for 9 months."
"We both work in television production, and we met on a TV show set about 15 months ago."
"It's been going really well and over the past couple months, she has really gotten to know my family and she gets along with them very well, my sister in particular, which makes me happy."
"I haven't gotten to know hers at all because they all live on a different coast."
"The entire time I've known her she has been working on a super low-budget indie film, 50 minutes long, written, directed by, edited by, and starring her, shooting and editing sporadically, about a low-income woman needing to get an abortion but not being able to afford it."
"Most of the film was already done when we got together, with most of the footage shot years ago, but when she finally finished it 6 months ago she refused to screen it for anyone, including me, until she could premiere it but she would talk daily about how proud she is of it (not a complaint, to be clear, I'm very proud of her also)."
"I only saw little clips here and there, but obviously I was dying to see it."
"Last weekend she arranged a private friends, family, and crew screening at the semi-local art house theater that seats 50 people."
"It was mostly people that worked on it and some of our industry friends, and then she asked me to invite my family because she needed to fill as many seats as possible for the event organizers."
"I told everyone in my immediate family, and most of them showed up to show their support (it was free; she paid to rent the theater) - my mom, my dad, my sister, and my sister's husband all came."
"I was not that surprised in retrospect because she'd told them all she was making the film a million times and they all said they wanted to see it."
"She talked about it frequently when around them."
"I was totally unaware of and unprepared for the amount of nudity she decided to include in the film."
"Not even a few minutes into the film, my stomach sank when she appeared full frontal nude in front of a mirror and the shot held for about a minute (or at least it felt that way) showing everything - rear, breasts and vulva."
"There was another scene where she is topless towards the middle of the film, and then she showed between her legs again in the closing scene of the film when the character gets the procedure."
"And by this I mean there is a shot of her laying nude from the waist down, vulva fully showing on camera."
"I had absolutely no idea about this and I found it extremely difficult to concentrate on the rest of the film."
"I am very proud of her work and the film itself is very good."
"The amount of work that goes into actually making a low-budget indie almost entirely by yourself is amazing, but I really wish she had given a heads-up about the content."
"Not only have our mutual friends and industry peers seen it, but now almost my whole family - including my dad - have seen my girlfriend completely naked."
"All of them were very respectful and didn't say anything about the nudity afterwards but it's all I've been thinking about."
"Later on I asked her why she didn't tell me about the nudity and she said firstly that it would have ruined the viewing experience as it's meant to be surprising, and secondly that she wasn't sure how I'd feel about it and didn't want me to be nervous or start an argument/ruin my excitement."
"Well, she's right about that."
"What I can't personally fathom is knowing full well that you appear naked in the movie and then asking your significant other (me) to invite their family, including my brother, who thankfully could not make it."
"I know she is proud of the movie, and she should be, but why would you purposely invite your SO's family to see you naked?"
"It might be worth pointing out that she is not traditionally an actor, has never acted in anything before, and mostly works in set decoration and props."
"She only played the character in her film because she didn't have the money to pay an actress."
"I was surprised because she is usually very modest and doesn't tend to show off her body."
"She's the kind of person that normally wouldn't even post photos of herself wearing a bathing suit."
"Obviously narrative filmmaking is what she wants to do with her career because she has been posting all about the film on her social media."
"To be clear, I'm not saying she should not have included these scenes - I understand their narrative purpose in the story, none of the nudity in the film has a sexual context - but I think it would have been fair to at least tell me before I invite my family that there is not only nudity, but lots of it. If this relationship continues, I would have preferred to not have my father and brother-in-law know what my girlfriend's vagina looks like, something by which she is apparently completely unfazed."
"She said later on, 'When I eventually post it online, everyone is gonna see it. It's part of the movie'."
"And there wasn't anything in particular she could do to accommodate my family members."
"But yes, there was; she could have at least given me a heads-up."
"If they're gonna watch it online, whatever, I can't stop them, but sitting behind my parents and my BIL all looking at my gf's naked body together is not a memory I will back on fondly."
"If the situation were reversed and I were inviting her mother and sisters to see a movie where I show my penis multiple times, I would have definitely at least told her as a courtesy, but evidently she does not agree, or even understand why I was so surprised."
"She seems to think the necessity of the scenes within the film overrides my personal comfort boundaries."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was right to feel his girlfriend should have given him and his family some warning.
Everyone agreed that not only should the OP's girlfriend have given him a heads-up, but she also should have shown some contrition for putting the OP in a position that made him uncomfortable:
"NTA."
"There's a reason movies have ratings, and usually content warnings."
"Saying 'hey BTW there's nudity' doesn't ruin the impact of the scene, but viewers have the right to decide if they want to see it or not."
"Just because it's art, doesn't make it less awkward to unexpectedly flash your no-no area to your boyfriend's entire family."
"They should have had the chance to say 'No thanks, that's not something I want to see'."
"Just like for any other movie."- Styx-n-String
"NTA."
"She should have advised you - & guests - that there was nudity (beyond 'R' from your description)."
"If she was focused on filling seats, her omission may have been deliberate."
"No issue w/nudity, but would appreciate a heads up."- unrepentantsoul
"NTA!"
"I work in theatre stage management (so with a lot of intimacy directors), and a warning is the least she could’ve given; I’m so sorry for that."
"It’s not artsy or cool to jump graphic content visual on people without a warning."
"Ew."- Silent_Bite_2745
"NTA."
"The bigger issue is her not acknowledging that she put you in a tough spot and then failed to recognize your feelings."
"In other words, there's no room for you in her world, and she will do this again and again."- Johnny-Weedseed
"NTA."
"Why the hell would she want to invite your family to that."- Fit-Beginning-3035
There's nothing wrong with the OP's girlfriend being comfortable showing off her body to others.
However, not everyone is comfortable with nudity, be it their own or other people's.
Something the OP's girlfriend might want to consider next time she recommends that anyone watch her film.
Whether she knows them or not.
