Money is the root of all awkwardness in relationships.
Why is that?
Does anyone know?
However asking about money can lead to some very eye opening situations.
Sometimes, you just follow the money to the truth.
Case in point…
Redditor ZealousidealCoach128 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for asking for a copy of the medical bill before paying for half of an abortion?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For context, a girl (28 F[emale]) who I (27 M[ale]) recently had a very short lived fling with claimes I knocked her up after we hadn’t hooked up for a little over 2 weeks.”
“She immediately said she was planning on getting an abortion and that I need not worry about having a child.”
“I offered to pay for the procedure and take her to and from any appointments she would have.”
“As well as offer any emotional support she needed.”
“She said that she didn’t want my help emotionally or financially as she is very independent.”
“And that she would let me know when everything was taken care of.”
“Fast forward to today, I woke up with a Venmo request for half of the bill, so I called her to clarify.”
“She immediately declined the call, and said that she sent the request for my half of the bill.”
“I responded by saying that I would be more than happy to pay for my half but requested she send a picture of the bill for my records.”
“I come from a family that has done less than great financially so I try to be on top of all of my money now that I have my own money and expenses.”
“She immediately flipped out and refused to send any proof, blocked my phone number and on all social media.”
“I would be happy to pay for the procedure in full if she would just show me that it actually occurred.”
“I have my doubts on if the child would have even been mine in the first place.”
“There have been several red flags.”
“We’ve only known each other for about a month.”
“She found males clothing that didn’t belong to me in her place and asked if it was mine.”
“Went on a week long cruise, had a friend of the opposite sex stay with her for a week and I was not allowed to see her, etc.”
“I’ve talked to some close friends about it and some are saying she may never have even been pregnant.”
“I want to reiterate I have no problem paying – I am partially at fault, but I just want some proof that there was actually a pregnancy/procedure.”
“So Reddit I ask you…”
“AITA for asking to see a bill before blindly accepting a Venmo request?”
“TO SUM UP: I allegedly knocked up a girl I barely know, not sure if there was ever a real pregnancy or abortion.”
“Asked for a copy of the bill before paying, she flipped out and now I can’t get in touch…”
“AITA?
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. It’s a reasonable request and very simple.” ~ Bubblegrime
“This scam was invented about 30 minutes after the first medical abortion procedure was developed.”
“Smart money says about 12 guys a year get this bullshit from her and it was just your turn.”
“Son’t send her a dime.” ~ PaganMastery
“Wait. You haven’t even seen a pregnancy test?”
“Do. Not. Give this girl a dime.”
“You responded appropriately to the news.”
“You did everything right, unless you didn’t use protection, then I’m giving you the disappointed mom face.”
“And I’m pretty good at it. I’ve raised 3 kids.”
“Seriously wrap it up.”
“But I also know you can do everything right and still have an oops.”
“That said, why-in the name of sanity-would you just take this girl at her word?”
“She’s not a friend. Y’all weren’t dating.
“You seem to barely know each other.”
“Why would you put so much trust in this woman’s unsubstantiated claims?”
“Until you see proof of the pregnancy, you need to halt any plan of action you might have.”
“This girl could be completely full of crap.
“So first, get confirmation there’s actually a pregnancy before you pay for an abortion.”
“Good luck. You seem like a really good dude, just maybe a little too trusting.” ~ KelliCrackel
“NTA, because it sounds like you’ve done everything right.”
“However, I do want to mention that I don’t think her reluctance to send a receipt is necessarily evidence that she’s being shady.”
“It’s totally conceivable why she may not want to risk documentation/evidence out in the world.”
“She doesn’t know that she can trust you to keep it to yourself (not saying YOU would ever spread it around, but I’m sure it happens).”
“So, her not sending a receipt isn’t necessarily strange.”
“Her other actions do make me suspicious that she may not be being fully transparent though.” ~ Bostongirlgreenwood
“NTA. Sounds like she’s trying to swindle you.”
“Your request to see the bill for proof that the abortion was done is very reasonable and even generous.”
“Considering you have reason to doubt that you even got her pregnant in the first place.” ~ zszal
“NTA.”
“If she won’t provide the proof then most likely she is scamming.”
“And even If she was pregnant its probably hibbity jibbity.”
“As a kid we learned pregnancies are always the mother’s baby and the father’s maybe.”
“Not your kid, not your problem! lol.”
“In all seriousness, consider refraining from getting involved with such low class, low value women that audition to be seed receptacles for all other men.” ~ Automatic-Choice-508
“NTA.”
“Don’t simply assume it was never a real pregnancy.”
“Wait things out and hold onto that money for now except for perhaps buy a new pack of condoms if you’re potentially knocking someone up.”
“If she actually had an abortion chances are she’s dealing with a lot of new emotions because of this.”
“Emotional people aren’t always going to make the best decision of thinking ‘ok I’ll just grab him the bill because I happily kept the receipt of my abortion in my expenses folder.'”
“It’s possible she didn’t accept a receipt for not wanting records of this.”
“You barely know her as you said, so knowing her financial habits isn’t something you’ve had much time to learn.”
“Just keep doing you, if she returns with proof continue your original plan.” ~ panthereal
“NTA. You offering to drive her to the appointments, paying for the procedure and to be there to support her is awesome.”
“But just something to think about ahead – use protection so that you KNOW KNOW that you ain’t responsible.”
“And also, it helps prevent STDs, so two benefits with just a single simple action.” ~ AlakhNordslay
“Let’s pretend this wasn’t an abortion.”
“Let’s say you dinged an acquaintance’s car.”
“You apologize, offer to pay, and she declines.”
“Then two weeks later you get a Venmo request for $500 for repairs.”
“Do you think you would be the AH for asking to see the repair statement/receipt before paying?”
“No. Just because this is a sensitive or taboo subject doesn’t make you an AH for keeping good financial records.” ~ Cultural-Guide1325
“NTA. I even keep my own documentation from hospitals and physician visits to make sure the numbers are correct.”
“For instance, if I were to have asked my ex to help me pay for my wisdom teeth removal (he would have tried to help) I would have automatically sent the whole bill.”
“And even the invoice or whatever that literally breaks down everything and the prices.”
“These are too expensive and huge of procedures to not get proof for if you’re helping pay.” ~ trashlikeme001
“NTA.”
“She declined your help leading up to the procedure and now claims to have gone through with it.”
“So it should be fairly easy for her to provide you a copy of the bill.”
“If she can’t/won’t, she either lied about being pregnant and getting an abortion as an intentional plan to scam you, or she actually IS pregnant and lying about getting an abortion.”
“You may or may not be the father in the case.”
“But if she claims you are, you should wait the 7-8 months it will be before you can get a paternity test before you turn over even a single dime to her.” ~ AccessibleBeige
OP came by to give us a few more details…
“Edit: Thank you everyone so much for the support and insight.”
“Life (and Reddit) has a funny way of teaching you valuable lessons.”
“Condoms are our friends.”
“Still no word from the lady involved.”
“I actually saw some of her friends last night.”
“They came over and gave me a hug and told me they weren’t mad at me.”
“Asked for my side of the story and bought me a beer.”
“I guess maybe there is something she’s not telling me?”
“Anyways, learn from my mistakes – trust but verify, and gentlemen, I cannot emphasize this enough.”
“WRAP YOUR WILLIES!”
“Cheers friends!”
Well OP it sounds like you have it together.
Hopefully this situation will rectify itself.
And everyone can move along peacefully.
Good luck.