A man was stoked after he planned the perfect wedding proposal to his girlfriend at one of their favorite romantic spots.
Unfortunately, things went downhill when he made the mistake of agreeing to have his sister join the occasion to take some candid photos before the moment of surprise.
When he made a reactionary decision that caused family drama, he visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
Redditor Dirimndz asked:
"AITA for Not Inviting My Sister to My Wedding After She Ruined My Proposal?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (29 M[ale]) recently got engaged to my girlfriend (28 F[female]), and it was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of our lives. I had planned a romantic proposal at our favorite spot, a secluded beach where we had our first date."
"I had everything ready: flowers, a small picnic, and a photographer hiding nearby to capture the moment."
When the day came, my sister (32 F[female]) insisted on tagging along. She said she wanted to take a few 'candid' photos of us before the proposal. I was hesitant but agreed, thinking it might make the moment more special. Big mistake."
The OP explained why he regretted agreeing to this.
"As we reached the spot, my sister started acting weird, making snarky comments and trying to direct the whole scene like a movie. My girlfriend could sense something was off, and the mood was getting ruined."
"Then, out of nowhere, my sister grabbed the ring box from my pocket and yelled, 'Surprise! Look what he's going to do!' My girlfriend was shocked, and I was furious."
"I managed to salvage the proposal somewhat, but the moment was tainted. My girlfriend said yes, but we both felt the proposal was ruined."
"Later, I confronted my sister, and she just laughed it off, saying she was 'just trying to help' and that I was overreacting."
"Fast forward to our wedding planning, and my fiancée and I decided not to invite my sister. We wanted our day to be about us, without any unnecessary drama."
That didn't go well. The OP said:
"When my family found out, they were furious. My parents called me heartless, and my sister is playing the victim, saying I'm tearing the family apart over a 'little joke.' "
"Now I'm feeling conflicted. AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding after she ruined my proposal?"
It turns out this was not the first time the sister caused problems in the past.
The OP wrote in edits:
"Here are a few other, not so minor, instances in which my sister has done me wrong:"
"1.My sister has a long history of attention-seeking behavior. She's the type to fake fainting at parties just to get everyone's attention. She once 'accidentally' set off the fire alarm at my fiancée's birthday party, causing the whole place to evacuate and ruining the celebration."
"2.This wasn't the first time she's crossed the line with me. When I got my first big promotion, she announced she was pregnant at the same party, only to later admit she was joking. At another family event, she spiked the punch with alcohol knowing I was on medication that strictly prohibited drinking."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
'Then, out of nowhere, my sister grabbed the ring box from my pocket and yelled, "Surprise! Look what he's going to do!" '
"What she did is so ludicrous that my first reaction was that perhaps this post isn't real, no one could be that obtuse. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting her at your wedding; you already made the mistake of allowing her to come along to the proposal. NTA"
"she just laughed it off, saying she was 'just trying to help""
"What might she try to do to 'help' at the wedding if she went?"
"My parents called me heartless"
"Perhaps your parents are part of the problem and have always enabled her behavior?" – StonewallBrigade21
"OP. Just fake her out. Don't involve your family in any of the planning. Get your sister the invitation to the wrong venue, a good hour out of the way. 'You were just trying to help your fiance have the wedding you wanted her to have.' " – desertboots
'My parents called me heartless'
"I'm guessing, based on your edit that confirms this is normal behavior for her, that your parents have a history of enabling and explaining away your sister's behavior."
'my sister is playing the victim'
"Of course she is, because taking accountability would mean admitting that she purposefully ruined your proposal."
'saying I'm tearing the family apart over a "little joke" '
"You finally having enough of her BS ≠ 'tearing the family apart.' Again, she just doesn't want to admit that she's facing the consequences of her poor behaviors."
"NTA. Stay strong and don't invite her. You should probably put your parents on a strict information diet and have security at your wedding to ensure your sister and/or your enabling parents don't pull some shenanigans."
"You should also be prepared for your parents to threaten to not attend if you don't invite her. Don't fall for it. If they actually follow through, that's their loss not yours." – Glitter_Voldemort
"What's the joke? And how was she helping? Your sister is beyond out of line. Im so sorry you have to deal with her nonsense.NTA." – MyTh0ughtsExactly
"NTA, but a bit of a dumba** for allowing her to tag along for the proposal."
"Never mind that the proposal should have been a private affair between you and your girlfriend, but you admitted in your own post that your sister has done outlandish things at the most inappropriate times to seek attention, so you were quite naive to think she would behave when you planned to propose."
"You don't bring a monkey to a picnic and then be upset at the monkey when it starts throwing poop at everyone." – Adogg1973
"NTA, but reading all those other instances of sister seeking attention, why in the world would OP agree to let her come? He should have known she'd do something like this. It's clearly intentional." – AlannaAdvice
'At another family event, she spiked the punch with alcohol knowing I was on medication that strictly prohibited drinking."
"I'm sorry what?!?! NTA and uninvite her from your whole life because that is unhinged. Tell anyone who says to invite her that if they don't drop it and respect the no then they can also be uninvited because they are enabling this toxic and frankly dangerous behavior." – Normal-Kangaroo9209
"I would go the way extra step of asking the groomsmen and bridesmaids to BOLO. Or hire security."
"She should be barred from the ceremony and reception venues. She WILL do something to sabotage your day."
"Do not let her know any details of the day or about the vendors. I wouldn't put it past her to try canceling your arrangements or ruining your plans." – AirportPrestigious
"NTA. Your sister sounds like an attention-seeking narcissist. You and your fiancee need to present a united front and make it clear that your sister will not be invited. She already ruined your proposal, and you don't want her to ruin your wedding."
"If your parents do not respect your wishes, you tell them they will be uninvited. It's time to go NC with your sister, OP. This is your wedding, and you don't have to tolerate stupid, immature or unacceptable behavior. Your parents also sound like enablers." – Popular_Document1399
"NTA- your sister is a pick me that wants to be the main character in everyone's story. She has no boundaries and your parents have allowed her to live in this self centered fantasy world of a bubble."
"At 32 it is well past time for her to grow up and understand there are consequences for her behavior. Your parents failed as parents to you and her." – DuePromotion287
"NTA at all. The majority of my family weren't invited to my wedding because they either behaved like that, or enabled the ones who did and would absolutely have told them when and where to let them crash the wedding and make a scene. I have 0 regrets about doing it that way. It was a truly lovely day."
"Weddings are a celebration of the new couple with people who appreciate and celebrate them. Your sister does not celebrate you, therefore, she is not a fit guest for any wedding."
"If you can, hire security to keep her out of the venue building cause I wouldn't put it past her to pull the fire alarm in the building as petty retaliation by the sounds of it." – BibbleBean
"NTA. I think your examples of her past behavior are alarming. Go over the list with your parents. Ask them what are the chances she will be capable of behaving at your wedding. Tell them you find it sad she is so mentally disturbed and unable to behave."
"Say you trusted her to come to the proposal because you were trying to do what your family has always done and give her a new chance despite her inability to apologize, change, show remorse or even recognize the gravity of her actions."
"It was the very last time you will trust her to not ruin your special moments. Tell them it is very obvious she needs intense therapy. Perhaps if she gets a good therapist and really makes an effort to change and be normal rather than horrible, you will consider in a year allowing her to attend an important function of yours."
"But for now, the way she is and has always been, it is impossible. You will have security at your wedding to keep her out. You know it is hard for them to see her for who she is, but her actions speak louder than her meaningless words. You have made your final decision and you expect them to respect it. Good luck." – CatelinaBaylorfan
Overall, Redditors thought the OP disinviting the sister to the wedding was warranted, however, commenters also thought the OP shouldn't have agreed to letting his sister come along given her history of ruining things in the past.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.