It's that time of year again.
It's the holiday that celebrates love and all of its trappings.
It's Valentine's Day and some issues have come up.
It's not always chocolate and roses.
Case in point...
Redditor throwtri434346 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA? For 'implying' that my boyfriend is cheap because of the V-day gift he got me?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I F[emale], 31 have been with my boyfriend M[ale], 37 (who's a single dad with 2 boys) for 2 years."
"He has a decent job with decent income and is into woodworking as a hobby."
"For Valentine days, Birthdays and every other celebration, he'd gift me mostly jewelry and I get him his favorite gadgets or sports gear."
"For this Valentine I got him sneakers."
"I found out today that his gift for me was a wooden framed photo of him, me, and the kids."
"I gotta say I wasn't thrilled with it."
"When I told my boyfriend my honest opinion (I didn't wanna open my mouth but he pushed me)."
"He said he couldn't believe this was my reaction but I pointed out that he has money to for an $200 necklace at least so I could wear it at the engagement party."
"But he said I was out of line to imply he was being cheap when all he was doing was to make me a special gift."
"And also had the kids help with it and put so much thought and effort in it because they see me as family and I should be appreciative of that."
"I said I was."
"But still thought he could've added the necklace as a great combo."
"But he got even more mad saying he couldn't understand why I'd value a necklace as much as or even over a special gift he and the kids made for me."
"We went back and forth on this and breakfast got ruined."
"He went upstairs and refused to speak to me."
"I feel like he blew this out of proportion since he asked for my opinion and I don't know if he has the right to be upset with me now."
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It's a tricky situation.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"So you don't have enough jewellery yet? How many necks do you have?"
"Yeah, he has more than a right to be upset with you."
"Wear an old necklace and appreciate what you have with this man and his kids. YTA." ~ lorelorelei
"That has to make having OP's head lodged up their bum a little difficult to say the least."
"YTA OP."
"That gift took time he could have been using to make money at his craft or for his kids."
"Add in that he made the frame SPECIFICALLY for a photo of you with the two most important people in his life, and all you can think about is having some shiny bauble instead of a hand crafted sign he loves you?"
"Sounds like he'd be better off making himself a better girlfriend." ~ Stormcallerandco
"This is super unfair, OP could be a professional Mr. T impersonator and may have been depending on the necklace to complete the look."'
"We could be looking at career sabotage by the BF."
"OP YTA - in case it wasn't clear enough." ~ Sharkoslotho
"Eh. That's a red flag, the jewelry thing and expectation."
"Also the implication that a good job warrants such an expense. He's a single dad with 2 dependents."
"As a man, it's rethink the future marriage, though there's have to be more red flags."
"Not everyone understands gifts right away and their 'value.'" ~ v3ndun
"OP also doesn't understand the dollar value of a hand carved picture frame."
"But yeah, craning her long neck around the frame to look for more necklaces. Eeep." ~ madsjchic
"YTA …"
"I'm assuming he made the frame, which takes a lot of time and effort … every minute of the project he would be thinking of you."
"Then he found a photo of him and his kids and you."
"He is literally presenting you with an image of you as part of his family and you're complaining as it's not worth a lot."
"Do you know the min value of the wood? Then add that to his time."
"Entitled much?" ~ MustbetheEvilTwin
"I'm wondering if the image of the family together is something he was planning to make happen."
"With an engagement ring at dinner (a more intimate affair than breakfast with family)."
"And he was REALLY asking how she felt about being in that picture not the gift itself."
"Definitely OP is TA. Wonder if he holds back on that ring." ~ CryingINwilderness
"For Valentine's Day, my husband shoveled out my car, got our kids breakfast (usually my job), and fixed a kitchen appliance I managed to mess up."
"He speaks my love language!"
"OP is darned fortunate her BF wants to celebrate her as a part of his family, their family, if she figures out she wants what he's offering."
"I can say, after a couple decades with my partner, a necklace isn't going to be that lasting marker of happiness."
"Sadly, neither will that photo, thanks to OP's reaction to the gift." ~ WellingtonGreenIII
"That was a really important symbol she just spit all over for the sake of materialism."
"OP, I think the real gift you gave your boyfriend this year was the timely reveal of your true self."
"I don't think you'll be getting any further gifts of significant jewelry from him in the future." ~ Covert_Pudding
"If you can't accept a gift from the heart you shouldn't be getting connected with kids."
"I still have a necklace my kid made me out of modeling clay and it's almost 20 years old because that's how kids show love."
"If OP's love needs a pricetag those kids will not be better off if Dad marries her." ~ MamaTalista
"Forget the value of the wood and labor — why isn't it worth more that he and the kids made this for her, and that it's a clear symbol of love and acceptance into their family."
"What could be worth more than that?"
"Their beautiful gesture is clearly wasted on this materialistic, ungrateful woman."
"Yeah, OP, YTA."
"Get over yourself and appreciate what you've got with these people before you lose them."
"All the expensive shiny jewelry in the world won't buy you love and family." ~ Predd1tor
"Some of my most prized possessions are things my children have made me, the subtotal of all of their handmade gifts in terms of money is probably far under £100, the value of them to me is absolutely priceless."
"I hope OPs boyfriend can see how shallow she is being."
"There was so much thought out into the gift and all she cares about is its price tag." ~ Catherineb84
"A few years back, I bought my wife one of these calendars that you insert a photo in for each month."
"I put in photos of us and our kids and the kids decorated each month as well."
"It's a few years old and she still has it up."
"Something OP seems to shallow and materialistic to understand is that what makes something special is the effort behind it, not the value."
"Forgot to add: OP, a massive, massive YTA."
"Hopefully your boyfriend can see what he's getting himself into here." ~ gooderj
"You sound brutally self-centred and materialistic, and also very immature."
"Plus you sound really lacking in empathy."
"My husband of 14 years got me literally nothing for V Day."
"I got him some nice ground coffee and a card."
"We went out to dinner at a nice place that he had a gift voucher for that someone at his work had gifted him for Christmas."
"And I'm happy because he organised a sitter and I got to drink lots of cocktails and I felt loved and acknowledged."
"Don't you get that Valentines isn't a birthday or Christmas?"
"It's not for gifting things!"
"It's for showing LOVE."
"You know, that thing he was showing when he HAND CARVED YOU A FRAMED PICTURE OF THE FAMILY HE'S WELCOMING YOU TO BR PART OF!!"
"Wow OP TYA so so much. Grow up." ~ Wonderwoman_420
"I'd much rather have a made hand thoughtful gift than anything he could buy off a shelf at the mall."
"OP doesn't deserve such a caring and thoughtful person."
"I make so many gifts for my family and I would be so hurt if they would rather I buy them a generic corporate trinket." ~ Special_Weekend_4754
"YTA. Depending on the size and type of wood he could have easily spent $200 on the frame."
"If being 'cheap' is the issue (which would still make OP TA)."
"This gift isn't the one to complain about."
"She just won't get attention from other people for it so she doesn't see value in it." ~ Bmillybluntz
"It's not even a birthday or Christmas either its freakin' Valentines Day and she wants him to break the bank give me a break."
"And who gives sneakers for valentines day and expects diamonds?" ~ PajamaPete5
Well let's OP took a good listen to everyone.
Reddit was definitely clear on its feedback.
This is why Hallmark holidays have gotten so decisive.
Happy V-Day y'all.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.