When it comes to hosting people in our homes, everyone has a different idea about what is acceptable and what is not.
But sometimes trying to do what is “acceptable” for others will end up hurting someone’s feelings, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Mid-yoga session, Redditor dontbeshy007’s parents showed up at his home, for which he put on a shirt and expected the women in the group to do the same.
When his yoga instructor threatened to fire him as a client, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he’d really asked too much by asking her to put on a shirt around his parents.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for asking my girlfriend and her sister to cover up?”
The OP recently started doing yoga.
“I (26 Male) have decided to work on my flexibility and mobility due to my injuries from playing soccer in high school/college.”
“My girlfriend of two years recommended I try yoga. She does yoga three times a week and is incredibly flexible and agile.”
“She told me she would talk to her sister as she’s a personal trainer. I agreed, and my girlfriend, myself, and her younger sister as the teacher have been doing yoga twice a week at my house for the last three weeks. I feel fantastic and really feel that it has been helping me.”
The OP’s parents were going to stop by during their yoga session.
“Yesterday, my mother called me asking me if I was still going to give her the freezer I no longer used. I said yes and told her to come to get it or I would take it to her the next day.”
“The freezer is in my garage where we do yoga. I usually do it shirtless and my girlfriend and her sister are in sports bras and sweats.”
“In the middle of our yoga session, I got a notification that someone was at my front door. It was my mom and dad.”
The OP made a request for while his parents were in the house.
“I headed to the door while putting on a shirt but I asked my girlfriend and her sister to put on a top also.”
“My girlfriend gave me daggers for eyes and her sister gave me a confused ‘who the h**l are you’ look.
“I said please because my parents were coming in. I let my parents in and when I came back, they still are in their sports bras. My parents greeted them and left shortly after.”
The request may have ruined the OP’s relationship.
“My girlfriend’s sister ended up leaving before we finished the session and told me that I am no longer her client because she’s the teacher and she felt I disrespected her.”
“I was confused and asked my girlfriend what she meant.”
“She said, ‘Dude, she has big boobs. She gets sh*tted on like that all the time. You need to apologize like now. I’ll let it go, but you’re a d**k.'”
“I told her I will clear things up with her sister, but I will not apologize because I didn’t mean it that way.”
“My girlfriend doesn’t believe me and thinks I was trying to police her and her sister.”
“I did start to think about it, and her sister is a good person and thought I overstepped her boundaries, but I don’t feel I did.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was insensitive and needed to apologize.
“I’m big-chested. My sister, who’s about five years older than me, once asked me to wear ‘less revealing’ tops in front of her now-husband, over 13 years ago. I was just wearing a v-neck shirt in the right size.”
“I still feel incredibly uncomfortable about what I’m wearing when I’m around my brother-in-law, even though HE never said anything or was weird or whatever, because of my sister judging what I wore to SCHOOL as inappropriate to wear in front of her husband.”
“I’m 31 now. And my sister is just as big-chested as I am.”
“These things stick like tar.” – TurnipWorldy9437
“YTA. They weren’t visiting your parents (who we are to assume would be offended by the sight of two adult women in sports bras), they were busy in normal attire for their activities which you interrupted.”
“Apologize and pray you didn’t ruin more than free yoga lessons.” – ArthriticGamer
“Regardless of whether you meant to offend them, you did, you knew you did at the time from their reactions.”
“You cared more about your parents’ reaction to them than them. You’ve upset them, you should apologize to both of them individually for upsetting them regardless of what your intentions were because your actions were hurtful.” – Warm_Distance_3999
“YTA, you don’t have a right to tell the women in your life how to dress. If it was appropriate to be around you, it’s appropriate to be around others. You are directly sexualizing them, especially the little sister, who is doing her job.”
“If you were uncomfortable with them having their shirts on and working out in sports bras, you should’ve stated that from the beginning. Instead, your actions tell them that you are either ashamed of their bodies and how they dress, or you only think you should be able to look at them in sports bras.” – dietiticianoverlord113
“YTA, OP, because for an apology to be necessary and heartfelt, it’s not necessary to let go of your underlying principles (though you might want to think over WHY you want to cover up your female relatives in front of your parents).”
“Apologies are about admitting that you (knowingly or unknowingly) hurt someone and didn’t mean to. That you value their feelings and that you will try to not hurt them that way again.”
“If I step on someone’s foot, I’ll apologize, even if I didn’t know they were standing behind me. That’s just how this works.”
“Learn to apologize, for God’s sake. Right now you seem like one of those people who don’t apologize to their children ‘because they have to respect me.’ This is just pride, please bury it.” – TurnipWorldy9437
Others thought the OP putting a shirt on, too, made a difference.
“This may be an unpopular opinion, but NTA since OP himself covered up before opening the door. He was in the process of wearing a shirt and asked them as well.”
“It could be of cultural significance, or it could just be that he knows his parents will not be comfortable. Either way, he walked the walk before requesting the same from them.” – Nightshade-9
“NTA… I’m a big-chested woman, and I would have put on a t-shirt. Not because I’m not proud of my body or because I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to wear that working out, but because your parents/guests came.”
“It’s just respectful. Like I wouldn’t wear my yoga clothes out on the street or to a restaurant for the same reason.” – Mother-Throat-6341
“WORK OUT GEAR. You said it yourself. Not greet the family and socialize gear. It takes 20 seconds to pop a top on for a five-minute greet with parents to RESPECT them.”
“He put one on himself. When they were gone, they could have taken it back off to work out in comfort.”
“She has a massive chip on her shoulder from past behaviors regarding her breasts clearly, which isn’t OP’s fault, nor is it okay she’s been previously treated this way, but she’s taken this the wrong way.”
“I’m a 29 (Female) and ask my guests if they’d mind covering up when my parents pop over… it’s common decency.” – ASmallThing94
“NTA. Everyone seems to forget that you put a shirt on as well. It’s your home, and it’s reasonable to ask anyone to cover when someone else comes over, even if it’s a brief amount of time.”
“I feel like your girlfriend and her sister totally overreacted. You didn’t make a lewd comment about anyone’s anatomy.” – Zeldenskaos
“I don’t mind my family seeing me in one. I was a cheerleader and gymnast and wrestler, so it was common to pull down our leotards or singlets to our waist and just a sports bra as a top.”
“I usually walked around the house in shorts and a sports bra, but I would never wear that in front of another family, especially my boyfriend’s or sister’s boyfriend’s family. It’s just a respect thing I feel like it wasn’t sexist. He covered himself too. NTA.” – ashhald
While the subReddit could understand everyone having different comfort levels about their own attire, they were otherwise divided on how the OP had handled the situation.
Some found the situation to be overwhelmingly sexist and a form of body shaming by expecting the women to cover up further. But others couldn’t see themselves wearing a sports bra around anyone who wasn’t an immediate family member or partner, and understood why the OP might expect the women to cover up around his parents.