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Guy Stirs Drama By Calling Out Girlfriend’s ‘Lack Of Work Habits’ After She’s Passed Over For Promotion


Truth telling in a relationship seems to always lead people to stress.

Why? Who knows.

It’s the truth.

The problem is everyone’s interpretation of the truth can be different.

So the delivery and the landing can lead to chaos.

Case in point…

Redditor throwawayzebra3 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for pointing out my GF’s (lack of) work habits?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I might get roasted for this, but here goes.”

“My g[irl]f[riend] complained recently about missing a promotion.”

“Some guy in her department got promoted instead.”

I don’t know the dude or anything about him.”

“But she called it a boys club and is complaining that he got it for being a dude.”

“Ok here’s what I do know.”

“My gf has terrible work habits.”

“We both live together and we work from home, so I see her every single day.”

“Here’s her typical work day: 9-10am she’s doing chores around the apartment.”

“At 10am she signs in for a few meetings.”

“From 10:30-12 she does work.”

“At 12 she goes to gym for 2 hours, then stops to eat lunch.”

“She gets back at 3 and surfs social media for an hour or so before heading taking the dogs out at 4:30.”

“She’s back at 5, then shuts her computer off.”

“That’s right- she works maybe 2-2.5 hours a day.”

“Sometimes she has an additional meeting or two that takes some time.”

“Here’s where I maybe the AH.”

“After a week straight of complaining about patriarchy I finally broke and told her, ‘maybe he just works harder than you.'”

“She was like, ‘what does that mean?'”

“Then I told her she only works 2 hours a day, and maybe that’s enough to get by, but not enough to get ahead.”

“Holy crap did she blow up at me.”

“I’m not gonna repeat it all here but she accused me of being a woman hater, being part of the problem and a lot more.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA, because sometimes, everybody just has to hear an ugly truth.”

“Blaming failure on external circumstances is never the best option for growth and self-reflection.”

“Her response was uncalled for.” ~ ToiletPaperGanon

“NTA, but I probably would have just kept my mouth shut and let her feel how she feels about it.”

“You don’t truly know how much work the person who did get the promotion actually puts in, and some people take 2-2.5 hours to do what it takes others 8 to do.”

“So, misogyny aside, you don’t really know all the circumstances as to why she perceives the situation as unfair.”

“I just don’t think you had much to gain by interjecting this time.”  ~ ygf107

“She is doing something, but clearly not enough to be promoted.”

“Let’s be honest here, she could achieve 3 times as much if she actually put in 8 hours of work a day (which is what she gets paid for).”

“No misogyny here, just denial.”  ~ Objective_Tour_6583

“My job is variable.”

“Some days, I have nothing to do. Some days, I’m slammed.”

“It’s just the nature of the kind of work I do.”

“A lot of jobs are like that.”

“On my slow days I’ll do a load of laundry or listen to a podcast or whatever.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not getting all my work done.”

“And I can’t make work that doesn’t exist appear out of thin air.”

“Without knowing the specifics of the GF’s job responsibilities, you can’t really judge.” ~ vurplesun

“NTA – but you need to learn the phrase ‘fix it or just listen.'”

“By telling her she needs to work harder you were attempting to fix it.”

“She most likely just wanted to vent.” ~ Mono275

“Not enough info to be honest.”

“You just said that you have no idea how much the other guy works for.”

“For all we know he could be working less or the same amount as her.”

“What kind of job does she have where she gets to work for 2 hours a day?”

“You can see how irritating it would be if somebody just randomly said ‘they’re just working harder’ when you know for a fact that you and the other person work the same amount, right?”

“So the outburst shouldn’t of been a surprise.”

“Regardless it doesn’t really seem like she was trying to actually explain anything to you and just started throwing accusations.”

“Taking everything at face value, I’d say you’re NTA.”

“For clarification: You’d really only be AH if you didn’t bother listening to her side but I do find it odd how you don’t seem to know what her job is.”

“I’m willing to chop it up to poor wording though.”  ~ Upstairs-Vacation774

“YTA (and I say this as a manager).”

“What did you think saying that would accomplish?”

“You don’t know what sort of work ethic the guy they promoted has.”

“Maybe he only works a few hours a day too.”

“I have a team of 12 employees.”

“One of them gives me better work in a few hours than like 2-3 of them do in a full day.”

“Also, maybe she doesn’t work because the work isn’t there, and she’s not being challenged.”

“Either way, the fact that her looking to you for support and you ‘broke’ is really the issue.”  ~ aunteemame

“YTA. If hard work guaranteed promotion the world would look a lot different than it does.”

“You’re assuming that your gf has the same deadlines, due dates, and requirements as the jobs that you’re used to doing, and that your perception of how hard she works is accurate.”

“Many people who are good at their jobs are good because they are more organized and have developed shortcuts to achieve goals more quickly.”

“If your GF says that it’s a boys club.”

“It’s also possible that’s true, and that she’s being pushed out of work that is being given to, well, ‘the boys.'”

“Regardless, it’s definitely a weird choice to side with some dude you don’t know regarding some job you don’t work against your gf. Like. Why?” ~ agathalives

“I mean, if she wrote a bunch of software to automate herself out of a job, then, yeah, she should totally be promoted (or found her own company).”

“But, otherwise, if she’s barely working, it shouldn’t surprise her that she didn’t get rewarded for that.”

“I would be concerned about what other possible [edit:] delusions ideas she might have about your relationship together. NTA.”  ~ MystifiedByPeople

“NTA. As a woman who worked in the professional world, I really hate it when lazy women make their lack of advancement a gender issue.”

“You didn’t say the guy does work harder, you said maybe he works harder because it’s so obvious she just doesn’t work that hard.”  ~ noclevernickname2021

“YTA, I think, but a small one.”

“As you say you don’t know the guy or her workplace, so you’re assuming that the problem is her.”

“It may well be that the guy who got promoted works the same amount as she does.”

“Some companies are a bit more chill.”

“And if her boss isn’t complaining about her performance/work ethic I really don’t think you should be taking it upon yourself to do it instead.”

“Honestly jealous of what sounds like an excellent work-life balance.”  ~ MrPoliwoe

“I work maybe 2-3 hours a day, IF that.”

“My employer loves me and I deliver fantastic work and get everything done in advance.”

“It just takes me less time than other people.”

“Depending on her job, that may also be the case with her.”

“I’d say soft YTA based on given information because doing work quickly doesn’t make someone a bad worker as long as the work is done well.”

“But if she’s truly slacking and you know it for a fact, NTA.” ~ PortableAlexis

“An important lesson here for you.”

“Learn to inquire as to whether she’s venting to vent, or if she wants input.”

“If the latter, then you can (as gently as possible) provide said input.”

“If the former, however, then you tolerate it for as long as you are able, then you point out that she’s repeating herself, and it’s beginning to be difficult to listen to.”

“Which may start a conversation wherein you can provide input. Maybe.”

“I know you didn’t ask about that, but it might useful at some point.”

“If you were kind when you pointed that out, then good for you.”

“And no one said she has to like reality.”

“NTA. But if she turns every disapproval into ‘woman hating’ you may have a bigger problem.” ~ iowaiseast

“I was going to say NTA, but then I read your post history like someone else mentioned and literally every single post except 1 is about hating women, porn, sexism, and policing your GF.

“So now I feel like you’re the asshole due to the type of person you appear to be.” ~ LocaYellow

“NTA. You are absolutely correct and that’s why she’s pissed.”  ~ MielikkisChosen

Well OP, Reddit seems to agree.

You have some detractors but everyone mostly seems to understand.

Maybe try for a calm, more focused chat with GF, before this gets out of hand for the future.

Good luck.