We've all had at least one crush who didn't reciprocate our affections, right? It's a terrible experience, and one we might find ourselves looking back on in embarrassment in the future.
But how much worse would it be if our crush knew we liked them and then used that to their advantage?
One guy recently experienced this on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) when a woman he thought was his friend pranked him to expose his feelings.
Redditor Ok_Green1000 was so hurt by what happened, he decided not to help his crush with something he'd previously promised to assist with.
When he saw her reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being petty.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for stranding my friend on her moving day because she pulled a prank on me?"
The OP was friends with Jess for three years.
"I'm a 24-year-old man and my friend (Jess) is a 22-year-old woman."
"We've known each other for about three years since we met in class. We've always been platonic, and to be completely honest I'm not the type of guy to go for it."
The OP planned to help Jess move.
"Yesterday, Jess was supposed to move."
"I was going to drive my truck over to her place, help her load up her stuff, and get her out of her apartment."
"Her situation with her roommates has become highly unstable due to irreconcilable differences so she was in a rush to leave."
Then Jess confused the OP.
"The day before yesterday, as a way of thanking me in advance, Jess ordered pizza for the two of us."
"We were sitting there watching a movie on my couch, being platonic friends as usual, and suddenly she inched closer to me."
"I figured it was nothing until a minute later, she got a little closer."
"Then she got a little closer, and all I could do was think about how it was finally happening."
"She squeezed up really close next to me and looked up at my face."
"I'm not the most confident guy, so all I could say was 'Hi,' to which she responded, 'Hi.'"
"Then she asked if I wanted to do 'something.'"
"I asked what 'something' was."
"And she said, 'Oh y'know... something.'"
"Still trying to keep room for plausible deniability, again, I laughed and said I didn't know what 'something' was."
"She kept staring at me and nodding, and I thought I'd take my chances. I asked if I could kiss her."
It turned out to be a prank.
"She immediately stood up, walked to the other end of the room, and sat down on the armchair. Then she took out her phone."
"I immediately apologized to her, and she said that I should just forget it."
"A few minutes of incredibly awkward silence passed, and then she said, 'I guess Kim (her best friend) was right.'"
"I asked what Kim was right about, and she explained that for several years, Kim has repeated again and again that I was only trying to get into her pants."
"Apparently, Kim put her up to 'testing' me."
The OP tried to apologize at first.
"I felt horrible. Immediately I apologized to Jess again, said that while I found her attractive, I'd do nothing to hurt our friendship, and then apologized yet again."
"Jess accepted it while crying a bit."
"Then I told her she had nothing to worry about."
But then the OP started thinking about what happened.
"After Jess went home, I got to thinking that it was incredibly meanspirited that she would do that to me."
"I apologized, but that juvenile high school prank just started to strike me the wrong way."
"I talked to my sister (who I can talk to about anything), who reinforced that it was disgusting behavior."
"Then she asked for Jess's address, which I declined to give her."
The OP decided to stay away from Jess.
"The next morning, instead of meeting up with Jess at the promised time, I just didn't."
"I had taken the day off work, but I went in anyway because I wanted to get my mind off what happened."
"Jess was blowing up my phone all day, and then I got a couple of texts from a number I didn't recognize, which I imagine was Kim."
"Finally Jess called me a 'flaking creep,' and that was the end."
"I'm really mixed on this. I feel kind of bad, but not so bad."
"Was I wrong?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP shouldn't hesitate to go no-contact with her immediately.
"I don't understand how she thought you'd still help her after she did that. It was mean and cruel. You are better off ending the friendship. Sorry she did that to you." - JLAOM
"I just can't imagine throwing away a 3-year friendship over some 'test' bulls**t. Like if you were playing the friendship part to get in her pants, you were pulling the really slow game."
"I would just walk away and let her think what she will because at the end of the day, what other people think of you doesn't mean s**t. You take care of yourself and find a woman that isn't going to do these stupid 'tests.' Girls and guys like that are manipulative jerks." - Vlascor
"NTA. If you really don't care, then don't respond. In a personal relationship, apologies, and explanations are for situations when you want to work things out to continue the relationship - when you want to fix things."
"She was unkind, ungrateful, and immature. Her sense of entitlement and lack of self-awareness are concerning. If she had questions about your friendship, she should have talked to you in a respectful way."
"Instead, she decided to set you up, humiliated you, and then played the victim, making you feel guilty - for doing what she led you to believe SHE wanted." - New_acc03
"I honestly can say you acted perfectly in this situation. Most guys would have just gone for it and then gotten screamed at for making a move. You were extremely polite and asked for clarification and asked if you could kiss her because well... it seemed like she was hinting at that and doing more."
"It shows you're a true gentleman. You deserve to have people in your life (not just romantically) that treat you with respect."
"I'd cut contact with her. Show her you're living your best life and don't appear like you've lost something - because you're not the one who has. She did - she lost a great friend." - Mellbxo
Others said the OP could use this as a learning opportunity.
"The meanest thing you could do is call out that her coming on to you made you uncomfortable and confused. She didn't respect the boundaries of your friendship and she ruined the friendship for you."
"She, and she alone. And she'll have to live with that but be explicit that you never want to see her again, and it's because she violated boundaries." - Sorrymomlol12
"I just wanted to say, just because you find her attractive and would have sex with her doesn't mean you aren't her friend."
"I know one of my friends liked me at one point, but after I said I didn't feel that way about him, we set up boundaries. He respects me and he is still friends with me because that comes first (well in this case)."
"Just because you would have sex with her doesn't mean you had an ulterior motive. You were a great friend, you never expected anything more from her and this kind of testing is incredibly demeaning to your friendship." - aberrantname
"You're totally justified in being p**sed because that was a terrible thing to do to you and absolutely, write her the f**k out of your life."
"I personally think that her hearing and realizing that she had a real and truly valuable friendship that she f**ked up and threw away would long-term hurt far, far more than thinking that yet another guy tried the back door friendship gambit." - ValosAtredum
"The only bad thing about OP pulling a no-show is now it looks like he proved her right even more because she 'rejected' his 'advances' and now he isn't gonna help her. OP, idk (I don't know). I think you dodged a bullet and should run away fast, but if you want to set the record straight with her, I'd stand behind you on it."
"If you need an example: 'After some thought and consideration, what you did last night was very unkind and meanspirited. I have always held you in high regard as a good personal friend, and I have always treated you with respect.'"
"'While I do find you attractive, and would have been open to exploring our relationship further if you were also inclined, I in no way let my interest in you sway my decision making or treatment of you. What you did last night really affected my ability to trust you and respect you, and I no longer wish to continue our friendship.'"
"ETA (edited to add): I put the part about OP finding her attractive/being open to more of a relationship since he clearly was, at least from what I read in his post. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that - that's the whole point. A guy can want more but still be respectful and be a good friend, which is exactly what I got about OP in his post." - Autumn988
A few thought it was obvious why she suddenly needed to move.
"I am absolutely shocked - shocked I say - that a woman with this much emotional maturity and respect of boundaries is having trouble with her roommates." - eggbronte
"DING DING DING."
"OP's next interaction with this woman (if any) should be to ask for the roommate's number. They clearly have stuff in common." - ClarifyingQ
"I'm beginning to see why the roommates want Jess gone. What a piece of work. She should room with Kim since they're both on the same sleazy wavelength. NTA and anyone who pulls this kind of crap on you isn't your friend." - PrideOfCapetown
The OP was somewhat torn about standing his former friend up the day she needed to move, but the subReddit saw little reason to worry. They agreed what Jess had done was childish and inappropriate.
If she had been really curious about the OP's feelings, they could have had a conversation about it, and what better time to have an awkward conversation than with pizza?
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.