We've all had at least one crush who didn't reciprocate our affections, right? It's a terrible experience, and one we might find ourselves looking back on in embarrassment in the future.
But how much worse would it be if our crush knew we liked them and then used that to their advantage?
One guy recently experienced this on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) when a woman he thought was his friend pranked him to expose his feelings.
Redditor Ok_Green1000 was so hurt by what happened, he decided not to help his crush with something he'd previously promised to assist with.
When he saw her reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being petty.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for stranding my friend on her moving day because she pulled a prank on me?"
The OP was friends with Jess for three years.
"I'm a 24-year-old man and my friend (Jess) is a 22-year-old woman."
"We've known each other for about three years since we met in class. We've always been platonic, and to be completely honest I'm not the type of guy to go for it."
The OP planned to help Jess move.
"Yesterday, Jess was supposed to move."
"I was going to drive my truck over to her place, help her load up her stuff, and get her out of her apartment."
"Her situation with her roommates has become highly unstable due to irreconcilable differences so she was in a rush to leave."
Then Jess confused the OP.
"The day before yesterday, as a way of thanking me in advance, Jess ordered pizza for the two of us."
"We were sitting there watching a movie on my couch, being platonic friends as usual, and suddenly she inched closer to me."
"I figured it was nothing until a minute later, she got a little closer."
"Then she got a little closer, and all I could do was think about how it was finally happening."
"She squeezed up really close next to me and looked up at my face."
"I'm not the most confident guy, so all I could say was 'Hi,' to which she responded, 'Hi.'"
"Then she asked if I wanted to do 'something.'"
"I asked what 'something' was."
"And she said, 'Oh y'know... something.'"
"Still trying to keep room for plausible deniability, again, I laughed and said I didn't know what 'something' was."
"She kept staring at me and nodding, and I thought I'd take my chances. I asked if I could kiss her."
It turned out to be a prank.
"She immediately stood up, walked to the other end of the room, and sat down on the armchair. Then she took out her phone."
"I immediately apologized to her, and she said that I should just forget it."
"A few minutes of incredibly awkward silence passed, and then she said, 'I guess Kim (her best friend) was right.'"
"I asked what Kim was right about, and she explained that for several years, Kim has repeated again and again that I was only trying to get into her pants."
"Apparently, Kim put her up to 'testing' me."
The OP tried to apologize at first.
"I felt horrible. Immediately I apologized to Jess again, said that while I found her attractive, I'd do nothing to hurt our friendship, and then apologized yet again."
"Jess accepted it while crying a bit."
"Then I told her she had nothing to worry about."
But then the OP started thinking about what happened.
"After Jess went home, I got to thinking that it was incredibly meanspirited that she would do that to me."
"I apologized, but that juvenile high school prank just started to strike me the wrong way."
"I talked to my sister (who I can talk to about anything), who reinforced that it was disgusting behavior."
"Then she asked for Jess's address, which I declined to give her."
The OP decided to stay away from Jess.
"The next morning, instead of meeting up with Jess at the promised time, I just didn't."
"I had taken the day off work, but I went in anyway because I wanted to get my mind off what happened."
"Jess was blowing up my phone all day, and then I got a couple of texts from a number I didn't recognize, which I imagine was Kim."
"Finally Jess called me a 'flaking creep,' and that was the end."
"I'm really mixed on this. I feel kind of bad, but not so bad."
"Was I wrong?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP shouldn't hesitate to go no-contact with her immediately.
"I don't understand how she thought you'd still help her after she did that. It was mean and cruel. You are better off ending the friendship. Sorry she did that to you." - JLAOM
"I just can't imagine throwing away a 3-year friendship over some 'test' bulls**t. Like if you were playing the friendship part to get in her pants, you were pulling the really slow game."
"I would just walk away and let her think what she will because at the end of the day, what other people think of you doesn't mean s**t. You take care of yourself and find a woman that isn't going to do these stupid 'tests.' Girls and guys like that are manipulative jerks." - Vlascor
"NTA. If you really don't care, then don't respond. In a personal relationship, apologies, and explanations are for situations when you want to work things out to continue the relationship - when you want to fix things."
"She was unkind, ungrateful, and immature. Her sense of entitlement and lack of self-awareness are concerning. If she had questions about your friendship, she should have talked to you in a respectful way."
"Instead, she decided to set you up, humiliated you, and then played the victim, making you feel guilty - for doing what she led you to believe SHE wanted." - New_acc03
"I honestly can say you acted perfectly in this situation. Most guys would have just gone for it and then gotten screamed at for making a move. You were extremely polite and asked for clarification and asked if you could kiss her because well... it seemed like she was hinting at that and doing more."
"It shows you're a true gentleman. You deserve to have people in your life (not just romantically) that treat you with respect."
"I'd cut contact with her. Show her you're living your best life and don't appear like you've lost something - because you're not the one who has. She did - she lost a great friend." - Mellbxo
Others said the OP could use this as a learning opportunity.
"The meanest thing you could do is call out that her coming on to you made you uncomfortable and confused. She didn't respect the boundaries of your friendship and she ruined the friendship for you."
"She, and she alone. And she'll have to live with that but be explicit that you never want to see her again, and it's because she violated boundaries." - Sorrymomlol12
"I just wanted to say, just because you find her attractive and would have sex with her doesn't mean you aren't her friend."
"I know one of my friends liked me at one point, but after I said I didn't feel that way about him, we set up boundaries. He respects me and he is still friends with me because that comes first (well in this case)."
"Just because you would have sex with her doesn't mean you had an ulterior motive. You were a great friend, you never expected anything more from her and this kind of testing is incredibly demeaning to your friendship." - aberrantname
"You're totally justified in being p**sed because that was a terrible thing to do to you and absolutely, write her the f**k out of your life."
"I personally think that her hearing and realizing that she had a real and truly valuable friendship that she f**ked up and threw away would long-term hurt far, far more than thinking that yet another guy tried the back door friendship gambit." - ValosAtredum
"The only bad thing about OP pulling a no-show is now it looks like he proved her right even more because she 'rejected' his 'advances' and now he isn't gonna help her. OP, idk (I don't know). I think you dodged a bullet and should run away fast, but if you want to set the record straight with her, I'd stand behind you on it."
"If you need an example: 'After some thought and consideration, what you did last night was very unkind and meanspirited. I have always held you in high regard as a good personal friend, and I have always treated you with respect.'"
"'While I do find you attractive, and would have been open to exploring our relationship further if you were also inclined, I in no way let my interest in you sway my decision making or treatment of you. What you did last night really affected my ability to trust you and respect you, and I no longer wish to continue our friendship.'"
"ETA (edited to add): I put the part about OP finding her attractive/being open to more of a relationship since he clearly was, at least from what I read in his post. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that - that's the whole point. A guy can want more but still be respectful and be a good friend, which is exactly what I got about OP in his post." - Autumn988
A few thought it was obvious why she suddenly needed to move.
"I am absolutely shocked - shocked I say - that a woman with this much emotional maturity and respect of boundaries is having trouble with her roommates." - eggbronte
"DING DING DING."
"OP's next interaction with this woman (if any) should be to ask for the roommate's number. They clearly have stuff in common." - ClarifyingQ
"I'm beginning to see why the roommates want Jess gone. What a piece of work. She should room with Kim since they're both on the same sleazy wavelength. NTA and anyone who pulls this kind of crap on you isn't your friend." - PrideOfCapetown
The OP was somewhat torn about standing his former friend up the day she needed to move, but the subReddit saw little reason to worry. They agreed what Jess had done was childish and inappropriate.
If she had been really curious about the OP's feelings, they could have had a conversation about it, and what better time to have an awkward conversation than with pizza?
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.