The pandemic has changed the way we work and socially interact – with many people using video conferencing apps like Zoom.
Although game night gatherings will never be quite the same, Zoom has been a worthy substitute to allow couples to conveniently get together in the spirit of competition without the hassle of stumbling home after a few cocktails.
Redditor BranchLones and his wife participated in what was set out to be a harmless trivia game on Zoom, but he wound up losing major points with his beloved teammate for his response to a fantasy question.
So he visited the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for saying my wife wasn't my 'dream girl' in a trivia game?"
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"So my wife and I have been doing a game night every so often with some other couples via zoom since we can't go out and see people lately."
"We were playing this card game the other night that was like basically a trivia game for couples to play and you are asked a question and you write down your answer and your partner has to guess what they think you answered."
"If they guess correctly your team gets a point. Whichever couples knows each other the best wins."
"So some of the questions in this version were a little spicy and one of the questions was 'Who is your dream man/woman to have sex with.'"
"I wrote down my spin instructor, since my wife knows I think she's hot, and thought she'd guess her and we'd get a point."
"Well, f'k me, turns out every other husband either wrote down their wife or a celebrity/fictional character."
"My wife was livid, and upset. I tried to explain I didn't actually want to do anything with my spin instructor and I would never even briefly consider being unfaithful, it was just me trying to play the game."
"She doesn't believe me, saying everyone else's instinct was women who didn't exist or better yet, their wives. I feel really bad, but also really confused. I don't know how to deal with this. Is she overreacting or am I an a**hole?
"(And no need to tell me about the Curb Your Enthusiasm Episode. No I hadn't seen it. Yes I've seen it now. Almost every man there sent me references to it as soon as the video was off.)"
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
The OP wasn't winning with Redditors either, and he was schooled on the unspoken rule of what constitutes as a "dream girl" in this scenario.
"YTA. Come on man, a woman you know in real life?"
"There is such a clear difference between talking about a celebrity crush or a character from a TV show, but you chose someone you realistically could hook up with, which is what your wife will be thinking about from now on when you go to spin class." – Overall-Bus
"YTA. 'Dream girl' - i.e. someone you will literally never get the chance with, like a celebrity."
"You don't put down someone that you know in real life that you interface with on a regular basis." – ProspectorJim101
"YTA. Dude - really? REALLY?"
"She will NEVER forget this. Ever. She's absolutely right, you should have known to say your wife. Why on earth would you say your dream sex partner is a fit, healthy, attractive woman that you see on a regular basis? Why??!?"
"I hope you're prepared to change spin classes or whatever they're called because your wife is never going to be ok with this."
"+1 for honestly but -1 million for being such a dolt." – 153799
"YTA, YTA! Wait just to be sure, YTA! Man what the hell were you thinking??"
"You weren't it seems like. You basically let your wife know that you'd cheat on her with the spin instructor. WOW." – cutlesss
"My college boyfriend did almost exactly the same thing."
"I broke up with him a few months later and haven't even spoken to him in almost a decade, and that incident still hurts in a way that few other things ever have. I feel so bad for his wife." – trantexuong
This was a close call.
"My wife and I were talking about celebrity crushes. I was about to mention an internet personality, when I realized that they were going to be present at a con I was going to the following month."
"Suddenly there was even the smallest hint of realism, and it wasn't funny at all, so I didn't say a word. But even that would be a non-existent fantasy situation. I cant imagine saying the name of a real person in my day to day life." – FamousTVshow
"I thought I was going to read he said Angelina Jolie or something, which I could understand why his wife might miffed OP doesn't say her but at least a celebrity is an unobtainable 'goal.'"
"When I read 'so I said my spin instructor' my mouth literally dropped open. Surely nobody is that stupid." – its_all_relativity
"YTA. It's basically a universal rule that you pick either your current SO or a celebrity when it comes to sex questions in games, never anyone you know in real life."
"You could have said Scarlett Johansson, Emilia Clarke, or the queen of goddamn England and it would have been fine."
"Instead you picked the absolute worst answer other than saying you want to bang your wife's sister." – CelikBas
The OP was advised not to take class from this "dream girl" instructor.
"And drop your spin class. You can't ever go back there." – Shinynewreddit2019
"If he wants to save his marriage he can't ever go back to that spin class. I imagine she would flip if he tried." – darthvadercake
In response to the OP not knowing "how to deal with this," Reddit's "Ignite!" award-winner offered the following advice.
"Google ways that people across various cultures atone for shameful and inexcusable failure. Then do all of them." – LazerKhan
Game over.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.