The battle of the sexes is a never ending war.
So that's why it's so nice when someone from one side is willing to learn a lesson.
And embrace a new idea.
However, you're always going to have your detractors.
Case in point...
Redditor ThrowRAZero*ucks wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for putting my husband through my make up routine?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (28 F[emale]) like many women have learned due to the pandemic that I don't have to dress up to societies ridiculous beauty standards."
"Before I use to dress to the nines and made sure I always wore heavy make up like, James Charles, Nikki Tutorials level of make up."
"And made sure my skin was as unblemished and smooth as a baby's skin and were not even gonna get started on my hair situation."
"Well my husband (30 M[ale]) is annoyed by this."
"He said he liked my old look and he's embarrassed to go out with me now that I've decided to be a lazy slob."
"I told him I still dress up when we go on dinner dates, when we have important occasions I just don't feel like wearing make up and heels to go to the grocery store or clean the toilet anymore."
"He said it wasn't that hard to out with some make up and shave."
"So I told him if he thought so then to prove it, go through the same treatment I go through to look good as he put it."
"He agreed because if I've been doing it for years how hard could it be."
"He learned how painful waxing is soon after."
"He learned how long it takes a woman with long thick, waist length hair to wash, dry and style it."
"He learned how uncomfortable wearing certain outfits everyday was for me and since he wanted me to wear make up he had too as well."
"He was in too deep so he let me do his make up."
"I didn't go full drag I only did some stuff that would enhance his features yet show him how much effort goes into make up."
"Needless to say, after a full day of this he told me he was sorry."
"And he didn't realize how much work I put into my appearance."
"I told him to now imagine the woman who go around getting lip fillers and botox and he laughed and said thank God I wasn't that high maintenance."
"We both had a laugh about it and I felt I proved my point."
"Issue, he was talking to his sisters and told them what I did which they found hilarious ."
"Because they too also feel it's about time men understood how much work some women put into their looks."
"Well he told his mom what I did and now she's been calling and texting me about how I abused her son."
"How it's a woman's duty to look good for her husband."
"And how I'm going to drive him away by being a lazy slob and to not be surprised when I end up divorced or cheated on."
"I ignored her but my husband's now defending me from his mother and she's mad that he's defending me."
"Anyway did I mess up? I was just trying to prove a point."
"My mother in law hates me, she wanted her son to marry a tall white, blonde, blue eyed Instagram model who she could be besties with."
"And instead I'm Latina, short and don't agree with her views."
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It's a tricky situation.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"NTA. But now you can see exactly where your husbands toxic views came from - his mother." ~ dinkydish
"Just in case you only skimmed, hubby actually took the lesson to heart and is defending OP against his mother, so he's an okay guy in the end."
"I do love how the pandemic is helping people cut through the bullshit on a lot of things, and hope it ensures." ~ Docthrowaway2020
"He's an okay guy in the end cause OP had to put him through her entire routine just for him to get the point."
"It shouldn't have to be that hard."
"It's like that one story where the OPs S[ister] I[n] L[aw] ruined an entire bowl of homemade pasta and the husband rugswept his sister's behavior."
"Until his wife basically forced him to make the pasta by scratch by hand."
"Noodle dough, filling and everything."
"And after all that - he finally saw the light."
"It shouldn't take someone going through the exact steps and processes their partner takes to get a point." ~ dinkydish
"In order to only be able to acquire information about these things through personal experience you need to be dismissive when the people who do have personal experience tell you what it's like."
"OP's husband only needed personal experience to understand because he refused to believe that she knew what she was talking about."
"And assumed she must be exaggerating which does in fact suck." ~ majere616
"It's sh**ty in our society that many men can get away with being selfish and small-minded like that (sometimes as probably here, without necessarily even being aware that they are)."
"OP is also completely within her rights to decide that educating her husband in this way is worth the effort to improve their relationship." ~ ActualMassExtinction
"I also think it was pretty cool that he agreed to her experiment."
"Not many men would do that."
"And he is laughing about it with OP and his family."
"He seems very secure."
"Also, he is defending OP against his mother." ~ Able_Secretary_6835
OP came back with some details about mommy dearest...
"Oh she's hated me for years, she still brings up how I stole her wedding experience from her."
"I don't believe in traditional marriage with white dresses and churches."
"Instead we got married at a park."
"My uncles an officiant so he married us and the park was near a beach where we had the reception as a very true stereotype about us Latin people is we do love our huge family outdoor parties."
"We had a cook out and everything, the kids loved being at the beach instead of wearing dresses and suits inside a boring building."
"I also didn't wear a white dress I bought a red sundress and she's never let it go that I ruined her son's wedding despite him having liked it as well."
Reddit continued...
"I think maybe it's a personality thing that some people have and others don't."
"I would never assume something others do was effortless just because I don't personally have the experience of it being difficult."
"And I don't understand why someone would make that assumption."
"Lots of guys shave their face every day."
"I'm a woman and I don't have any facial hair (some women do) so I have no experience with shaving my face."
"But why would I assume it's effortless/easy?"
"It just takes a small amount of critical thinking to realize that there are many steps involved."
"And also that it's easier for some people than others (depending on how dense/coarse their hair is and how sensitive their skin is)."
"I really don't understand why not being familiar with something would ever mean defaulting to 'surely it's easy.'"
"Why not just default to 'I don't know what goes into it' and leave it at that rather than adding onto it 'and I know it can't be that hard' for some reason?" ~ roadsidechicory
"It can be pretty hard to understand problems that you never had to deal with in your live, especially when you've been told it's not a big deal."
"He accepted going through this, and he accepted that he was wrong and completely changed his point of view."
"That's a great quality to have as a partner."
"Also, NTA obviously."
"The only a**hole here is his mom."
"The story has a perfect happy ending where everyone involved is happy."
"But his mom comes along and decides that they are not supposed to be happy like that and complains about everyone." ~ MrKarotti
"Does mom know that even if she get bestie with a tall blonde, blue-eyed insta model, she wouldn't turn into one herself?"
"But it is great that the husband saw the light so fast and is now defending women."
"So many see women get ready in tv or internet and think 'that's just a few minutes, where is the problem?'"
"'She can't even waste a few minutes to look good for meeeee?!'"
"While just splashing water in their face to get ready, haha. NTA." ~ EvilFinch
"NTA. Good for your husband for being open minded."
"Admitting when he was wrong, and also for sticking up for you against his mother... A++!"
"You are a human being, not an art museum."
"His mother's opinion is irrelevant and outdated."
"You did nothing wrong." ~ Otherwise_Maize2281
"NTA but beware OP, you have an unusual human being for a husband."
"As apparently if he doesn't understand your point of view, he will actually let you put him in your exact position so that he can see it from your point of view!! "
"So, don't use this power too much or it might weaken, and don't use this power for Evill!!!" muahahahahahaha
OP, Reddit clearly wants you to do you.
So do you.
It's great that your hubby is willing to learn and embrace.
Good luck with mama....
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.