The division of household chores often comes down to who does it better or is willing to do it. Cooking is something that often gets tackled by one person in a household.
If others don't like their cooking, they can take over that responsibility or shut up and eat what's served.
A wife turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after years of derogatory comments by her husband about her cooking.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Quesos_Sabau asked:
"AITAH for telling my husband his 'jokes' about my cooking aren't funny anymore?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (32, female) do most of the cooking in our house. My husband (34, male) has this running joke where he'll make comments like 'oh, is this edible?' or 'what did I do to deserve this?'"
"I used to laugh it off, but it's been years now and I'm tired of it. Last night I made a really nice dinner and he made another joke."
"I put down my fork and said 'I need you to stop. It's not funny. It just makes me feel like you don't appreciate what I do'."
"He said I was being too sensitive and that he's just joking."
"I told him joking is supposed to be funny for both people.
"Now he's acting like I started a fight over nothing."
"AITAH for finally saying something?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to call out her husband's insults (NTA).
"Tell him he never made any jokes, he just insulted you then laughed for years. When you finally told him how his daily derogatory comments made you feel, he didn't apologize."
"Instead he got defensive and claimed his insults were jokes. If you called him stupid, fat, and ugly daily, the insult wouldn't magically go away if you laughed or claimed it was just a joke."
"So since he clearly hates your cooking and doesn't care at all how you feel, he can feed himself. Stop cooking for him. Make food for just yourself and whoever else doesn't mock your culinary skills and leave him to fend for himself."
"He's an adult comedian. He can find the kitchen and the food by himself from now on." ~ MohawMais
"This. ⬆️ And, yes, stop cooking for him. He can make a TV dinner for himself from now on. What an ungrateful a**hole." ~ cruiser4319
"My favorite reply to 'It's just a joke' is 'You didn't tell a joke. You just said something mean'."
"Another good reply is to look them dead in the eye and say, 'Explain to me how it's funny'."
"I work with high school kids, and I have had plenty of opportunities to call out bullying with either of those comebacks." ~ LilandraF
"This one must be Reddit's favorite reply when something is offensive, but I don't think it gets the point across. Lets face it, NO joke in the world will sound funny if you have to explain it to someone." ~ yea_about_that
"You're missing the point. The point is to get the 'joker' to explain the 'joke' and actually say the demeaning thing and expose themself as an a**hole."
"Bonus points if they just can't seem to bring themself to say what they actually mean aloud because they are humiliated to openly show how sh*tty they are while the person they were trying to humiliate is calmly asking, 'But what do you mean? I don't understand why this is funny'." ~ ASTERnaught
"It's not that it just sounds unfunny when they explain it. It's that they can't explain it without it being blatantly obvious that cruelty is the punchline."
"Sometimes people make jokes that are thoughtlessly mean, and this approach forces them to think about it. If they're a decent person, they'll feel bad and think better about making those types of jokes in the future."
"If they aren't a decent person, you've at least pointed out that they're an a**hole." ~ ARC4067
"Telling him, 'you finding rudeness amusing doesn't mean the rest of us do' also works!" ~ mangababe
"Also: 'I'm not too sensitive. You're too insensitive." ~ heidismiles
"Yeah, if they really were just trying to joke around, when called out, they'd say something like, 'Ah, I'm sorry. I was trying to joke around, but yeah, it obviously didn't land. I didn't mean to upset you, I won't do that again, not get all defensive and minimize their partner's feelings."
"If they've been told that it's not appreciated, then they just straight up have zero respect for their partner and enjoy hurting their feelings to make themselves feel like they're the 'winner' in the marriage." ~ AutisticTumourGirl
"My favorite response is 'Oh, I see. I missed that it was a joke because jokes are usually funny'." ~ Optimal_Olive3423
"A joke is not a joke if you have to say, 'I'm just joking'." ~ unkilbeeg
"My husband used to do this except it was when I tried to give him a kiss. He'd always go 'eeeewww' like a little kid. And now he's my ex." ~ GardenHobbit
"My ex and I had a joke like this. Every single time she was cooking, I'd have a gander and I'd say something like 'Damn, that looks good... and so does the food.' or 'That's a juicy looking piece of meat... and that chicken's also looking fine.'"
"She knew the punch line was coming every single time, but she'd be smiling and shaking her a** out of happiness before I even delivered it."
"For nearly a decade we told that joke (she'd do the same to me) and for nearly a decade, we both loved it. That's because our joke actually lifts up the other person, it doesn't try to put them down." ~ ilikedmatrixiv
"Guess what? If I were you, he's now cooking every night!" ~ showard995
"You put up with this for years? You're more patient than me. I'd have warned him a long time ago, 'knock off the stupid jokes or cook your own dinners'." ~ DirectAntique
"Seriously if he doesn't stop, I would stop cooking. When he asked why, just tell him 'you always complained about my cooking, so now you can cook your own damned food' and NEVER cook for him again!! You took this crap for way too long, OP!" ~ Blonde2468
"Both former boyfriends ended up with all the cooking because of this kind of behavior. My now partner enjoys my cooking, and I finally think it's OK to be in the kitchen again from time to time." ~ Nepskrellet
"Use it once after sex, same disappointed tone, same 'what did I do to deserve THAT' maybe add a sigh and tell him he can't take a joke when his ego gets the sad." ~ Namethypoison1
"Tell him this when he undresses... 'Is this what I am getting? What did I do to deserve this?' If he complains, tell him to stop being sensitive and take a joke." ~ Phoenixie_fairy
"NTA. This is Man-Child behavior at a baseline."
"Then when you told him 'you're hurting me' he said 'No, I'm not. And if I am it's because you're too sensitive' it starts to approach manipulation/gaslighting." ~ YoullBruiseTheEggs
"I would argue that negging her cooking for years has been manipulative behavior all along. Gotta keep her in her place, which is off balance, on the back foot and always trying to please him." ~ CaptainBasketQueso
"You're NTA. The ole 'it's a joke. You're too sensitive'. Next time he does it ask him to explain 'the joke' then take his plate away and trash it." ~ redfancydress
"He cracks a joke at the next meal, she just gets up and throws the whole thing into the trash, plate and all! 'There, now you don't have to eat it!'." ~ Nonjudgmental-heart
"NTA. I used to make jokes like that about my mom's cooking. When I was 11! My dad scolded me once and I've never done it again. He should have a better sense of humor than that of a pre-teen." ~ Devri30
"NTA. If anything, you should have said something sooner. If I'm doing most of a specific chore, I don't want to hear complaints about it, or someone else can do it instead. Even if the complaints are framed as 'jokes'." ~ Thistime232
"NTA. 'He said I was being too sensitive and that he's just joking' is flat out not how a mature person should communicate to someone they love when they bring something up that bothers them. That is what an a**hole does." ~ Virtual-Tutor7404
"NTA. As long as he stops doing it, let him be mad. He'll get over it. If he does it again, just quietly pick up his plate, scrap his food in the trash, then sit down and start eating." ~ TeacupCollector2011
"My dad is this 'jokester' type too, loves to crack jokes and make fun of everyone but himself. He used to joke around about my mom's cooking, saying eggs were crunchy or pancakes like hockey pucks or whatever."
"She'd wave him off, but eventually I think it got to her so much that she lost a lot of self-confidence, unfortunately. Suffice to say, she doesn't cook anymore, and my dad does all of it."
"I'd do the same with your husband and stop cooking for that fool immediately. Then he can see who's laughing." ~ meekie03
OP needs to consider if they want to keep feeding someone incapable of saying thank you, or at least keep their mouth shut. If her husband thinks it's necessary to insult her at every meal, he shouldn't be eating her cooking.
