Here is one universal truth: An a**hole having cancer doesn’t make them less of an a**hole.
It tragically just means that they have cancer while doing hurtful things, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Reditor EconomistMinimum5303 was still processing the fact that her husband had fallen in love with another woman, that the other woman was a cancer survivor, and that he was leaving her for the other woman.
While she didn’t wish ill will on the other woman or her future ex-husband, the Original Poster (OP) still struggled with having any negative feelings toward someone who used to have cancer.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for hating the other woman my husband fell in love with while she had cancer?”
The OP’s husband was leaving her for a woman he met at work.
“My husband (35 Male), soon-to-be ex-husband, is a doctor. I (32 Female) married him six years ago.”
“There is a woman (41 Female) who was a patient at a hospital where he used to work. She wasn’t a patient while he worked there, and he was never her doctor.”
“They both said she knew he was married.”
“I didn’t want to put how he got close to her in the post because I don’t fully believe their explanation. He sometimes does consultancy there, and his best friend is an oncologist there, so I understand how he could have met her.”
“I’m not sure if there was any breaking of rules involved to get them to be so close.”
“When he met her, she was suffering from cancer. She’s in remission now.”
“They fell in love while she was sick, and he’s leaving me for her.”
The OP felt conflicted about her feelings toward her future ex-husband and his new partner.
“I feel like I’m not allowed to hate her.”
“Most of my own family isn’t even p**sed at him.”
“My sister (28 Female) is the worst as she talks about the situation like such a romantic event.”
“I take cancer very seriously. My sister makes me feel like I don’t when she says things like, ‘Cancer is worse than getting a divorce.'”
“I’m happy this woman is healthy now. I want her to live a long, happy life. I don’t wish ill on her, but I hate her.”
“I partially love and partially hate my husband. I feel guilty for hating her.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was not wrong to feel hurt, betrayed, and even a little hateful.
“NTA, why on earth would you feel guilty for hating someone who was your husband’s affair partner? Just because people go through sh*t doesn’t mean they have a free pass to be AHs. Your soon-to-be ex-husband also doesn’t get a free pass to cheat because his affair partner was a person with cancer. That’s stupid. It’s not a f**king ‘Walk to Remember.'”
“Yeah, your soon-to-be ex-husband is the main person to be p**sed at, since he’s the one who took vows, but if she knew he was married, she was still an a**hole too, even if in the back of her mind, she was like YOLO!”
“I hope you’ve got a shark for a lawyer and you get everything you deserve in the divorce. Don’t go easy on him.” – NYCStoryteller
“Although it is sad that she has/had cancer, her illness has nothing to do with the fact that she chose to have a relationship with a married man. NTA.” – calacmack
“Her health issues don’t change the fact that she pursued a relationship with a married man, and he chose to cheat and leave his wife for her. OP’s feelings are valid, and it’s not about being allowed to hate her; it’s about acknowledging the hurt and betrayal caused. And to acknowledge what caused them.” – harmonious_crush
“NTA, OP. You’re grieving a betrayal. You’re allowed to feel hurt, angry, and yes, even hate someone who played a role in ending your marriage, regardless of their circumstances. Having had cancer doesn’t make her a saint.” – NapBunBun
“NTA. She had cancer, but that doesn’t make her a saint. S**tty people get cancer, too.”
“Cancer touches everyone, even a**holes who get with married men.”
“You lose them how you get them, so good luck to her. You get to live your life and find a partner who isn’t a cheater, please believe you won in the end here.” – I3ex_g
Others urged the OP to report her husband for potential misconduct at work.
“They definitely met at the hospital. You can’t trust the words of a cheater. He would say anything to save his job and prove what he did was ethical.” – Think_Storm_8909
“OP specifically said she was a patient at the hospital he used to work at, but she was not a patient when he worked there. And she was not his patient.”
“I think there’s no reason to mention that if it’s not actually where they met, if you know what I mean. They have to put a little truth into the lie so it feels authentic.” – Novel_Photograph_479
“She might not have been directly under his care, but it is entirely possible that he met her while she was under the care of a colleague or while she was getting treated. He could also be lying. Cheaters lie and are untrustworthy.” – EvilRubberDucks
“This is such a conflict of interest; that relationship won’t last.” – kimmysharma
“Not to mention the rescuer/damsel in distress psychology behind a doctor falling in love with his patient. Eventually, he’ll stop feeling like the big man who saved her, and she’ll stop feeling like the swooning princess being saved, and they’ll go looking for that magic elsewhere.”
“OP is NTA for hating both of them. And OP, your family sucks. They’ve watched too many Lifetime movies or some s**t. Your loss and pain shouldn’t be negated because your ex hooked up with a cancer patient.” – MiddleAged_BogWitch
Some also urged the OP to go as low-contact with her sister as she possibly could.
“Your entire family is just fine with your spouse leaving you for another woman? I’m sorry, but f**k your family.” – DistrinctReception344
“I don’t understand how they are all fine seeing their own sister/daughter/family member being the obstacle in her soon-to-be ex’s true love story, instead of the homewrecker who destroyed their loved one’s love story. What the f**k?!” – Go-Mellistic
“F**k that b***h. You are entitled to have feelings.”
“And tell your sister to shut the f**k up for thinking it is romantic that her sister’s husband is leaving her for another woman.” – Irrelevant_Tess
“Clearly, the sister was jealous of the marriage since her sibling has a doctor husband.”
“My sister-in-law would likely be ecstatic if my husband were to leave me. I’ve never done anything to her other than exist and move back to the US (we spent the first 10 years in another country, so she had dibs on being the best DIL for around five years).”
“Some people are just petty, jealous cows and don’t deserve to be in our space.” – AsymmetricalShawl
“NTA.”
“My sister was always jealous of me, my ex was a diagnosed sociopath and extremely abusive, and life was hell.”
“She continued speaking to him, even after I asked her not to and to not ever say anything about me, her response was, ‘I know he wasn’t good to you, but he was always good to me.’ We no longer speak, for this and many other reasons.”
“I don’t think you’re wrong for hating the woman. I’m guessing she knew he was married, and for someone who could’ve died, you’d think she’d be more grateful to be alive, instead of sleeping with married men.”
“I’d be hating the ex, also. The saying that to forgive is about helping you, was not something I was able to do or understand until my ex was dead. As for all the women he slept with when we were married, thankfully, I don’t live near any of them and didn’t forgive but don’t waste time thinking about any of them.” – BeyondAbleCrip
“Your sister is a raging a**hole. I have one of those, and I don’t talk to her anymore. My life is infinitely calmer and trouble-free.”
“The affair partner having cancer doesn’t mean jack s**t. It doesn’t make her a saint. She’s an a**hole, and your husband is an a**hole.”
“NTA, OP.” – Loose-Chemical-4982
“What the F**K is wrong with your sister?! AND the rest of your family?!”
“With your sister at least, it sounds like she may secretly resent you and is taking this opportunity to rub salt in your wound. I frankly can’t imagine any other explanation for her callous, cruel, and abhorrent behavior.”
“Like, even if she’s screwed up enough to truly believe that this is some great romance, she should have the sense and consideration to keep those feelings to herself and prioritize your well-being. Any decent person would hold your hand and help you rant about what a**holes your ex and his affair partner are.”
“I would absolutely not tolerate her bulls**t. I hope you send this post her way so she can see all the thousands of people calling her an a**hole.” – Sea-Lead-9192
The subReddit was appalled that they were able to show the OP more compassion than the people who were supposed to love her the most in the world, but had clearly chosen to support her cheating husband instead.
Even though his new partner previously had cancer, that did not absolve her of being involved in what had undeniably been an affair. And it most certainly was not the start of a love story.