Picking someone up from the airport is a really nice way to show you care. But, it's not always possible, no matter how hard you try.
Assuming your partner can just put everything on hold and drive to the airport will leave you waiting, and your partner frustrated because they couldn't be there for you.
Redditor Sylvipink encountered this very issue with their husband. So they turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
They asked:
"AITA for getting upset at my husband for not picking me up from the airport?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Background first, I come from a family where you would just always pick up your friends and family from the airport if you could, regardless of the time of day. My husband does not."
"He also doesn't sleep well if woken up so we made a compromise that he will take me/pick me up if it's between the hours of 6 am and 11pm. For me, I would always pick him up in general."
"Anyway, I had a flight (redeye) that was scheduled to land at 9:35am."
"He had something he needed to do online at 10am so the plan was for him to drive there, get me, and I would drive home while he did his thing on the phone since it would cause no issues to do it on mobile."
"I usually text him when I land and he leaves then since we live pretty close to the airport."
But, the flight was delayed.
"Well my flight ended being 20 minutes delayed in the air and when I landed at 9:55 he hadn't left the house and said he could no longer do so because he had to do that thing at 10."
"I asked why he hadn't come earlier and waited for me in the cell phone lot and he said he was waiting for my text; I said that might make sense up until 9:40 (it's about 15 minute drive to the airport) but then he should have just left."
"He said he didn't know what had happened to my flight and didn't know my flight information. I pointed out he knew where I was flying from and my airline so it would have been easy to check and he could have also gone into my email to find the info if he forgot that. My computer is right next to his and my email is always open."
"He apologized but said I was making a big deal out of nothing."
"Anyway I ended up taking an Uber home and was upset for a few hours but then moved on. I was curious though, was I being unreasonable? Was he? Thanks."
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
"YTA. In general I agree that it's nice to pick your partner up from the airport, but in this case your flight was late and you knew he had a thing at 10:00. I think you need to let it go this time." ~ WebbieVanderquack
"And the airport is only a 15 minute drive from their house…get a cab." ~ ccoastmike
"Fun fact: in my hometown (Pisa, Italy) you can walk to the airport because it's in the city. Not in the middle of course, but in the city. The road to the airport would be: houses, houses, supermarket, coffee shops, stores, houses, houses and then BAM! AIRPORT! The first time I picked my bff from the airport (she's from Rome where airports are bigger and far away...you know like normal airports LOL) she was totally shocked that as soon as I left the parking lot we were in the city." ~ slytherinsus
"My airport is 20 minutes away. The cabs won't drive to my house. Heck, one time we parked in our church's parking lot. A ten minute drive. We had to try three cab drivers. They only want to go to the hotels where they have a chance of picking up another fare." ~ cappotto-marrone
"YTA. Is this really a hill you want to die on? You knew he had a thing, your flight was delayed, you live close to the airport so Uber can't have been terribly expensive. In the grand scheme of life, Ubering home one time should really not be argument worthy when the situation changed unexpectedly." ~ slydog4100
OP added some edits.
"It seems general consensus is that I overreacted, so I will accept that."
"I was asked to include some additional info about the events leading up to this that I didn't think was relevant."
"My trip was booked a month ago, when I booked it I told him I'm coming back this date and you need to pick me up, he said fine as long as it's within the time limits. I said yes, it's at 9:30am so he agreed."
"My husband is self employed and the way his scheduling works is he can either 1) propose his own times or 2) say when he is not available and they will propose times. He usually does #2 because he doesn't care, and he is used to just saying he is fine with whatever time. This scheduling happened about a week ago, he forgot about my flight and confirmed this 10AM time."
"A couple days later, he asked me when I was getting home. I told him and he said crap, I have this 10 AM thing."
"Once he confirms, it's a pain to reschedule because he would have to swap time slots with at least two other people, so I would never ask him to do that. I suggested the plan I wrote about above and he said fine. I texted him right before the plane took off to let him know it was on time and that was the last communication before I landed."
"Maybe we should have considered the possibility of the flight being late but we travel a LOT (before Covid anyway) and our flights to our home airport are pretty much always early if anything, so it wasn't something that crossed our mind."
"Also, we are definitely both over this whole situation, I was honestly just curious about who was being unreasonable."
Taking an Uber once is not a big deal, but talking about it is the best answer.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.