We've all known at least one person who likes to be the center of attention. Being the "main character" becomes, essentially, their entire personality.
But it can get so bad that even very minor coincidences could be misconstrued as major problems for them, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor marktheshark45 did not have the best relationship with their father, so they wanted to change their last name before their baby was born, and their wife agreed to do the name change with them.
When they found out that they'd changed their last name to the same name as the woman that one of their friends was dating, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by how offended she was to share the same last name.
They asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for changing my name without checking with my friend?"
The OP and their wife decided to change their last name together.
"I have a problem with one of my friends and would appreciate some feedback from y'all on whether I am in the wrong."
"Before my daughter was born, my wife and I decided to change our last name. I don't have a good relationship with my dad, and I felt compelled not to give my daughter his name."
"We thought about it and settled on a last name that we both resonated with. It's my wife's grandfather's last name, and also similar to my mom's last name."
"It's also a very common last name. A quick Google search says that an estimated 80,000 people in the US alone have this last name."
"We went forward with the name change."
It turned out that the OP and their wife now shared the same last name as the OP's friend's girlfriend.
"A while later, we met up with this friend and his girlfriend and told them we had changed our name."
"It turns out that my friend's girlfriend has the same last name as the one we chose."
"We did not know this until that night. We laughed it off like, 'Wow, what a funny coincidence,' and moved on."
"Time goes by, and my friend has been distant, not answering when I invite him to hang out. I did not push too hard because I assumed he was busy or dealing with his own issues."
As it turned out, the OP's friend and girlfriend did not like them sharing a last name.
"Two years went by. Then, a few weeks ago, he abruptly informed me that his girlfriend feels very uncomfortable with the fact that we changed our name to be the same as hers."
"They accuse us of knowing beforehand about her last name since it's in her Instagram bio, and told us that we should have addressed it with them before proceeding with the name change."
"My friend tells me that, to move forward, I need to meet with them so that his girlfriend can read a letter detailing her feelings."
"I didn't want to go, but ended up meeting with them because I respected my friend and wanted to find a resolution."
"During the meeting, his girlfriend insulted me several times and told me I am weird and 'either the most unaware or inconsiderate person she has ever met.'"
"I told her again that it was purely a coincidence, but they would not accept this."
"She responded that everyone she has consulted agrees with her that we are weird and creepy for changing our name."
A name change marked the end of their friendship.
"I kept my emotions in check during the meeting, but last night, I texted my friend basically saying, 'What the f**k was that?'"
"He told me he could not believe we did not know, and that we are s**tty friends for not clearing it with them."
"I told him he is acting like a main character, and what I do with my last name does not affect their lives."
"He called me on the phone and was extremely emotional. I tried to explain myself again, but the call devolved into him and his girlfriend screaming at me, insulting me, and threatening me."
"I feel so confused about why they are so fixated on this, and I feel heartbroken that my friendship is now over."
"What do you guys think? Am I in the wrong on this?"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the couple was being irrational about the name change.
"What a total clusterf**k. They're never gonna accept that it's a coincidence. And you don't need their permission for s**t. Probably time to cut these people off, you don't need them in your life." - Professional_Pick557
"They legit sound delusional as f**k. I'm sure she's not the only person on the entire planet with that last name, and frankly, it's incredibly creepy of both of them to even begin to assume it had anything to do with her." - Gattaca401
"They're also intentionally overlooking/ignoring the fact that it was OP's wife's grandfather's surname (so, her mom's maiden name?). It was already a family name, so it's not like they pulled it out of thin air, either."
"It's sad they are being ridiculous and choosing to end a long-standing relationship over it. The girlfriend needs to find other outlets in her life rather than causing huge conflicts."
"NTA and congrats on growing your family!" - LavenderGinFizz
"I was thinking how delusional they are, too! Like, in what world does this impact them in ANY F**KING WAY?! Like, what the h**l is she mad at?!"
"And, I don't know literally any of my friends' girlfriends' last names, like ANY OF THEM... I would cut ties with these drama freaks..." - VulnerableValkyrie
"My dad had to ask me what my new last name was after I got married as he didn't know."
"The girlfriend sounds like she's unstable if she's this obsessed with two people who didn't know her changing their last name to another name from within their own family."
"I wonder if she's got another reason for causing this entire situation, like jealousy or wants to separate her bf from his friends." - NihilisticHobbit
"I think the connection in their own family makes it less 'weird,' but it sounds like the friend and girlfriend have made their minds up that OP changed it to her last name."
"In that context, I can understand why when she asks people, they confirm it is also weird and creepy, but I would guess she is omitting several details that make it make more sense that it was a coincidence."
"OP needs to not have these people in his life." - We_Are_Not_Amused
"I'm guessing she's telling people that OP met her and then decided to change his last name to hers. She's definitely leaving out the details that it's his wife's mother's maiden name, and possibly entirely leaving out that he has a wife and kids."
"I mean, if a good friend said, 'So I met my boyfriend's friend once or twice, and now suddenly he's changed his last name to be the same as mine,' I would agree that sounds incredibly creepy."
"But if she added the details, 'Well, I'm not sure he even knew my last name, and it's the same last name as his wife's grandfather,' then I'd realize it was pure coincidence and tell her not to worry about it since it's not about her."
"And if she went on talking about it, I'd start to wonder about why she's the one being creepy all of a sudden. Like, why is she obsessing over this? What's really going on here? Has she spoken to a therapist? Does she need to be on medication? Is OP's friend safe with her?"
"This is a rather odd thing to be this obsessed over, so much so that she wrote down her feelings and then had a meeting on it. This girl needs help, and she's dragging her boyfriend into this drama." - Sweetsmyle
"My own parents had their last name legally changed before I was born because my Dad's former last name was something Eastern European that was very difficult to pronounce for Americans, and he didn't have the best relationship with his dad, either. It's not totally unheard of at all." - Gattaca401
"Have you considered saying he should've consulted you before he started dating someone with the same last name as your wife's grandfather? Feel free to say that doing so without consulting the two of you is perceived as weird and creepy." - Lowbacca1977
Others were side-eyeing the girlfriend for writing a letter to read at an in-person meeting.
"I'm still trying to process the fact that the girlfriend wrote a letter detailing her feelings about a situation that doesn't affect her, and read it aloud." - kts1207
"Seriously, she wrote a letter detailing her feelings, about a situation that doesn't affect her, and read it aloud... TWO YEARS after they told her what the name they chose was. She's been sitting on this and upset about it for TWO YEARS. I... I really can't with this one." - sulpiciaa
"She's been stewing about this for two years and had to detail her feelings in a letter, obviously because she's so upset, she can't trust herself to coherent just SAY the words to this other person... all for a last name she didn't choose that's probably common enough that her family isn't literally the only one on the planet who has it."
"That is some seriously delusional bulls**t. That's something I'd expect from a teenager living in a small town with no access to the internet who literally doesn't have any idea how the world works."
"I'd have told them to Google the last name, see how many people have it, and try to harass them for stealing her last name, too." - Neveronlyadream
"'Everyone she has consulted with agrees...' That is a dead giveaway that she either consulted with nobody, or that she selected the consultees she knew were more likely to agree with her."
"Tell her that you need fully detailed letters from each of these consultees, handwritten so she can't write them herself, to confirm your wrongs."
"Then show her this Reddit post, and tell her that everybody you have given the opportunity to comment, agrees with you. More than that, you can actually prove it by showing this post." - SpiritedLettuce6900
"Not only are there other people and WHOLE A** FAMILIES running around with her last name, but unless she has a REALLY unique first and last name combination, there's probably a half dozen or more people running around the world with her same first AND last name."
"I hope she has some pearls to clutch, because WHAT THE F**K EVER is she gonna do about THAT?! (Probably write a whole novel about her stolen identity.)" - your_fave_redditor
"It's absolutely main character energy. She thinks the world revolves around her. Just wait until she realises thousands of other people also have that last name!" - ausernamebyany_other
Some people are very fixated on names, their meanings, and how they are passed down within families. But someone changing their name does not lessen their connection to their family; nor does it make someone else's family connection less meaningful.
It sounds more like this girlfriend wanted to be the center of attention and did not like sharing something with someone else.
