Handling a neighbor can be a little difficult. Sure, maybe they leave you a lone and you barely know they exist. But maybe you have a neighbor who gets very involved in your life and you don't know what to do about their intrusions.
Somehow, Redditor Frosty_Intern9055 has a neighbor who became both. The original poster (OP) didn't know that their neighbor would respond the way she did when OP put a play set in her backyard.
OP's neighbor made what she thought was a reasonable request, but OP doesn't see it that way. The two are now arguing about how to handle the situation in OP's backyard.
While she doesn't think she's wrong, OP decided to ask the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit about her response.
Does she think she was wrong for what she told her neighbor?
"AITA for putting a swing set in my backyard despite my neighbor asking me to cover it?"
Or was her neighbor out of line for trying to ask about this?
"I (22 f[emale]) just recently bought a house with my boyfriend (24 M[ale]) after receiving an inheritance."
"I can't lie, I'm very excited. It is the house I always dreamed of having. It has lots of entertaining space. Which is super important to me because I love hosting."
"I am a big family girl so naturally having my family over is important to me. I am very close with my little cousins (5 F) and (8M)."
"They want to sleep over in the next month so I ordered a trampoline and a swing set for my backyard. It arrived last night and this morning I hired someone to help me put it together."
"While it was being built, I heard a knock on my door. To my (un)pleasant surprise it was one of the neighbors I had not met yet."
"We greeted each other and then she asked me something I did not expect. She asked if I was willing to 'cover up' my swing set during the day so her kids didn't have to see it."
"She said if they see it she knows they'll bug her and ask to play at the park. I apologized for the inconvenience but said I was not going to cover and uncover a massive swing set for her convenience."
"She got huffy and said she hopes someone treats me as rude when I have my own children. I kind of feel guilty so AITA?"
The neighbor really wants OP to cover the play set so her children don't see it and get ideas, but OP thinks this is a ridiculous request. OP believes it's not her fault if the neighbor's kids want to go to the park after seeing the play set.
But should OP have considered what her neighbor asked of her?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for refusing to cover her swings and play set for her neighbor by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While the neighbor might have thought it was a reasonable request, OP was more than within her rights to say no. It's her backyard, and she doesn't need to accommodate someone else's sensibilities or children.
It's one thing for the neighbor to ask, it's another for her to expect OP to make the change with no issue. Pretending that it was rude of OP to say no is ridiculous.
On top of all of this, the only reason that the neighbor doesn't want her kids to see the play set is because she doesn't want to take them to the park. It seems strange that a parent doesn't want their kids being more active in this day and age.
In the end, the commenters voted that OP was NTA.
"NTA. It's your house and your yard. She has no right to tell you what to put there if it's not hazardous to her or her family in any way."
"Also, IMO it's super weird that she would ask you to cover it rather than ask if her kids could come over to play sometime." - GratuitousSadism
"No! You are NTA at all. That's nutso! And you won't have to worry about that when you have kids cuz you HAVE a swing set.;)" - Vera_Telco
"Nta"
"Maybe...and hear me out, I know it's a wild and crazy concept....but maybe this is a time where your neighbor can teach her kid about respecting other people's property." - jstonesworld
"NTA."
"I have no idea what her reasoning would be, (is she disabled and cant go out, are the kids ND and don't understand why they can't play there?) but the idea of asking you to purchase a cover and then do the work of covering it whenever it's not being used? Audacity."
"The snide little remark after? Nah." - wishmage
"NTA - that's a ridiculous request. If she doesn't want her kids to see your swing set then she can tell them not to look in your yard."
"This is like having a flower garden in your yard and having your neighbour ask you to please dig it up/get rid of it because they don't have the time to dedicate to the upkeep of a garden and it makes them feel bad. Like what?" - Din0_DNA
The commenters started a discussion with OP about how she handled the situation. They reassured her that it wasn't an issue with her or her children, and the neighbor would have to find another way to deal with hers.
But the crazy interaction with her neighbor was something OP couldn't believe.
Still, OP wasn't about to get so petty in response to her neighbor.
"NTA. It isn't your job to deal with her kids. End of story. That said, you are probably going to want put a fence up and keep her kids out of your yard."
"Inevitably they are going to sneak in to play and the swings but especially that trampoline, are fantastic ways for them to hurt themselves when they come in unsupervised leaving you open to legal responsibility for any injuries."
"As a new homeowner, you need to remember that someone go hurts themselves on your property, regardless of how stupid they are being, is YOUR problem."
"Id take steps to keep her kids out and also put in cameras to record anyone in the back yard. Having video and documentation of the times you're going to have to confront them and tell them to stay off your property will one day hopefully save your butt." - TheDreadPirateJeff
"We do have a fence! I knew we needed one because I want to put in a pool at some point, I don't want anyone drowning while I'm not home."
"The swing set is massive so you can easily see it over the fence :")" - Frosty_Intern9055 (OP)
"Hahah you could 'hide it' by buying a used Bouncy House and setting that up too. ;)" - TheDreadPirateJeff
"Sorry to crush anyones spirits but def not haha :") I feel like me being petty doesn't hurt anyone except her kids."
"Which I really don't wanna do:( I feel bad that the kids are stuck in this mess in the first place" - Frosty_Intern9055 (OP)
"NTA. Wow, so she wants you to cover up your swing set so that her children don't bug her to go to the park. Why are they having to bug her?"
"They're kids. Kids like going to the park. What a lazy ass parent. 🙄 If she can get off of her ass to come and bug you with this nonsense, she can get off of her ass to take her kids to the park." - ZombieBuffet93
"I wish she would have been nicer about it. If she had asked if they could come over sometimes I'd be more than happy to let them swing about!"
"But unfortunately now I'm scared of her using it as a method to attack me. I feel guilty her kids have to suffer for it though :( definitely wanted to start off on a better foot with my neighbors :/"
"I also don't want her running around and telling everyone I'm mean so that it destroys my other possible neighbor relationships" - Frosty_Intern9055 (OP)
"There is no place on earth where someone who behaves like this lady does and can rally neighbors to judge a new neighbor. They all know what a loon she is and will not judge you based on her bullshit story."
"It feels uncomfortable now but she has done stupid, ignorant, entitled shit to show her ass long before you moved in. They're going to all "okay, sure Jan" the situation so she goes away." - wildferalfun
Good on OP for not sinking to her neighbor's level. She is not only the good guy here, she's got the moral high ground and the backing of internet strangers.
Who knows? Maybe the neighbor can use this example to see about taking her kids to the park every so often.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.