Handling a neighbor can be a little difficult. Sure, maybe they leave you a lone and you barely know they exist. But maybe you have a neighbor who gets very involved in your life and you don't know what to do about their intrusions.
Somehow, Redditor Frosty_Intern9055 has a neighbor who became both. The original poster (OP) didn't know that their neighbor would respond the way she did when OP put a play set in her backyard.
OP's neighbor made what she thought was a reasonable request, but OP doesn't see it that way. The two are now arguing about how to handle the situation in OP's backyard.
While she doesn't think she's wrong, OP decided to ask the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit about her response.
Does she think she was wrong for what she told her neighbor?
"AITA for putting a swing set in my backyard despite my neighbor asking me to cover it?"
Or was her neighbor out of line for trying to ask about this?
"I (22 f[emale]) just recently bought a house with my boyfriend (24 M[ale]) after receiving an inheritance."
"I can't lie, I'm very excited. It is the house I always dreamed of having. It has lots of entertaining space. Which is super important to me because I love hosting."
"I am a big family girl so naturally having my family over is important to me. I am very close with my little cousins (5 F) and (8M)."
"They want to sleep over in the next month so I ordered a trampoline and a swing set for my backyard. It arrived last night and this morning I hired someone to help me put it together."
"While it was being built, I heard a knock on my door. To my (un)pleasant surprise it was one of the neighbors I had not met yet."
"We greeted each other and then she asked me something I did not expect. She asked if I was willing to 'cover up' my swing set during the day so her kids didn't have to see it."
"She said if they see it she knows they'll bug her and ask to play at the park. I apologized for the inconvenience but said I was not going to cover and uncover a massive swing set for her convenience."
"She got huffy and said she hopes someone treats me as rude when I have my own children. I kind of feel guilty so AITA?"
The neighbor really wants OP to cover the play set so her children don't see it and get ideas, but OP thinks this is a ridiculous request. OP believes it's not her fault if the neighbor's kids want to go to the park after seeing the play set.
But should OP have considered what her neighbor asked of her?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for refusing to cover her swings and play set for her neighbor by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While the neighbor might have thought it was a reasonable request, OP was more than within her rights to say no. It's her backyard, and she doesn't need to accommodate someone else's sensibilities or children.
It's one thing for the neighbor to ask, it's another for her to expect OP to make the change with no issue. Pretending that it was rude of OP to say no is ridiculous.
On top of all of this, the only reason that the neighbor doesn't want her kids to see the play set is because she doesn't want to take them to the park. It seems strange that a parent doesn't want their kids being more active in this day and age.
In the end, the commenters voted that OP was NTA.
"NTA. It's your house and your yard. She has no right to tell you what to put there if it's not hazardous to her or her family in any way."
"Also, IMO it's super weird that she would ask you to cover it rather than ask if her kids could come over to play sometime." - GratuitousSadism
"No! You are NTA at all. That's nutso! And you won't have to worry about that when you have kids cuz you HAVE a swing set.;)" - Vera_Telco
"Nta"
"Maybe...and hear me out, I know it's a wild and crazy concept....but maybe this is a time where your neighbor can teach her kid about respecting other people's property." - jstonesworld
"NTA."
"I have no idea what her reasoning would be, (is she disabled and cant go out, are the kids ND and don't understand why they can't play there?) but the idea of asking you to purchase a cover and then do the work of covering it whenever it's not being used? Audacity."
"The snide little remark after? Nah." - wishmage
"NTA - that's a ridiculous request. If she doesn't want her kids to see your swing set then she can tell them not to look in your yard."
"This is like having a flower garden in your yard and having your neighbour ask you to please dig it up/get rid of it because they don't have the time to dedicate to the upkeep of a garden and it makes them feel bad. Like what?" - Din0_DNA
The commenters started a discussion with OP about how she handled the situation. They reassured her that it wasn't an issue with her or her children, and the neighbor would have to find another way to deal with hers.
But the crazy interaction with her neighbor was something OP couldn't believe.
Still, OP wasn't about to get so petty in response to her neighbor.
"NTA. It isn't your job to deal with her kids. End of story. That said, you are probably going to want put a fence up and keep her kids out of your yard."
"Inevitably they are going to sneak in to play and the swings but especially that trampoline, are fantastic ways for them to hurt themselves when they come in unsupervised leaving you open to legal responsibility for any injuries."
"As a new homeowner, you need to remember that someone go hurts themselves on your property, regardless of how stupid they are being, is YOUR problem."
"Id take steps to keep her kids out and also put in cameras to record anyone in the back yard. Having video and documentation of the times you're going to have to confront them and tell them to stay off your property will one day hopefully save your butt." - TheDreadPirateJeff
"We do have a fence! I knew we needed one because I want to put in a pool at some point, I don't want anyone drowning while I'm not home."
"The swing set is massive so you can easily see it over the fence :")" - Frosty_Intern9055 (OP)
"Hahah you could 'hide it' by buying a used Bouncy House and setting that up too. ;)" - TheDreadPirateJeff
"Sorry to crush anyones spirits but def not haha :") I feel like me being petty doesn't hurt anyone except her kids."
"Which I really don't wanna do:( I feel bad that the kids are stuck in this mess in the first place" - Frosty_Intern9055 (OP)
"NTA. Wow, so she wants you to cover up your swing set so that her children don't bug her to go to the park. Why are they having to bug her?"
"They're kids. Kids like going to the park. What a lazy ass parent. 🙄 If she can get off of her ass to come and bug you with this nonsense, she can get off of her ass to take her kids to the park." - ZombieBuffet93
"I wish she would have been nicer about it. If she had asked if they could come over sometimes I'd be more than happy to let them swing about!"
"But unfortunately now I'm scared of her using it as a method to attack me. I feel guilty her kids have to suffer for it though :( definitely wanted to start off on a better foot with my neighbors :/"
"I also don't want her running around and telling everyone I'm mean so that it destroys my other possible neighbor relationships" - Frosty_Intern9055 (OP)
"There is no place on earth where someone who behaves like this lady does and can rally neighbors to judge a new neighbor. They all know what a loon she is and will not judge you based on her bullshit story."
"It feels uncomfortable now but she has done stupid, ignorant, entitled shit to show her ass long before you moved in. They're going to all "okay, sure Jan" the situation so she goes away." - wildferalfun
Good on OP for not sinking to her neighbor's level. She is not only the good guy here, she's got the moral high ground and the backing of internet strangers.
Who knows? Maybe the neighbor can use this example to see about taking her kids to the park every so often.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.