While we might like to imagine all relationships possibly being able to work out, the truth of the matter is, a relationship or friendship could end at any moment, for any reason.
The reasons for the breakup will be increasingly petty, depending on how toxic or unserious the relationship is, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit, like being mad about how someone folds clothes.
Redditor bigtityeva had been living with their boyfriend for a while, only for him to begin to complain about any noise that they made, no matter how mild or quiet.
Out of anger, they suggested that he date a ghost instead, and when he accused them of being abusive, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if they were in a relationship that could last.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for telling my boyfriend he can go date a ghost if silence is that important to him?"
The OP's boyfriend started treating everything like a noise violation in their home.
"My boyfriend has recently decided that every tiny thing I do is 'too loud.' Not music, not parties; I'm talking basic human functions."
"I close a cabinet: 'Can you NOT?'"
"I walk normally: 'Why are you stomping?'"
"I open a bag of chips: 'You're doing that aggressively.'"
"I COUGH: 'You always need attention.'"
The OP had enough when their boyfriend demanded peace and quiet.
"Two days ago, I laughed ONCE while watching my phone."
"He paused his show, stared at me like I kicked his dog, and said, 'I just want peace and quiet. You're draining.'"
"At that point, I said, 'If you want silence so badly, go date a ghost. Or better, move out, so you can enjoy all the quiet you want without me existing.'"
The boyfriend accused the OP of various things, leaving them feeling conflicted.
"He told me I was 'emotionally abusive' and 'hostile' and then stormed off like I ruined his entire life."
"Now he's giving me the silent treatment (which is ironic, considering that's supposedly his dream)."
"Was I wrong for finally matching his energy, or is he acting like living with an actual human is a war crime?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some took the OP's hand and gently explained that the relationship didn't seem to be working anymore.
"I'm so sorry to say this, but he doesn't like you anymore. He isn't annoyed by you being loud; he is annoyed by your presence. He has already checked out of the relationship mentally, which is why he is annoyed with you being there."
"Give him exactly what he wants, silence. Don't go apologize to him; let him sulk. He is trying to manipulate you. He overreacts to very common things you should be able to do in your house, and then tries to make it seem like it's your issue for getting upset by it."
"It's time to move on and find someone who enjoys the sound of you being happy and laughing; he sounds miserable." - CorePM
"NOR. Sounds like he's kvetching like that to drive you away. And when you do leave, slam that godd**n door as hard as you can." - Tiny-Objective6795
"NOR. Your boyfriend is not happy in the relationship or some parts of it. It's coming out as if everything you do annoys him, but he doesn't have the guts to break up with you. Sorry, OP." - Remote-Tangerine-737
"He's doing that thing that insecure guys do: he's trying to give you reasons to dump him so he doesn't have to take accountability for DOING the dumping. He wants to dump you; he just wants the pity and sympathy points of being the poor, dumped party."
"In my opinion, give it to him, and find someone who enjoys having you around. Him 'getting sympathy points' is worth you saving your time and your toes from all that tiptoeing. Oh, and YOUR peace. NOR, infinitely." - SprayedSL2
"The fact that you're breathing irritates him means the party is over. And by the way, he sounds like the one who's draining. I mean, can HE not??" - Beautiful_Camel_17
Others agreed and reassured the OP that it was time to start a life without all the noise monitoring.
"I think you know it's time to leave him and get out. No one wants to tiptoe around their own house." - Vvendetadlcemc
"Sounds like mine. I understand what you're saying. You need to leave. I'm trying to do the same."
"It won't turn around. Mine started with saying I was too loud, and he went through our fridge and pantry, criticizing every single thing he could find that he felt he could get a cheaper version of (despite me being the budget shopper in the house). Then it grew to everything being my fault, that I can't do anything right, no matter what it is."
"Don't still be in that house when he's saying everything is your fault. He won't leave, and mine won't either. So since it's our fault, we will be on our faulty way." - Playful_Prior_3831
"He sounds like he doesn't like you. I'm sorry. You should leave and be with someone who values you and actually enjoys your company because it's the least you can ask for, literally." - Upbeat_Arm_1093
"Yeah, he hates you and the reminders of your presence."
"I have housemates, none of which are a partner of mine, and I care about them, and so it brings me joy when I hear them around the house. Cooking or doing dishes, walking upstairs, getting home and kicking off their shoes. And I have sensory issues and like being alone!"
"You deserve someone who will smile when they hear you laughing at your phone. Or at least, you deserve to be able to live comfortably in your own home without worrying about being snapped at for breathing too loud." - phoenixrunninghome
"Imagine this. This guy is infuriated, perturbed, inconvenienced, scoffing, rolling his eyes, and lashing out at every little sign of you existing. The way you clean, make your tea, shower, cry, laugh, live your life..."
"Then, how does it feel... if all of the above made your partner want to kiss you or romantically acknowledge you instead? The things that have this 'man' lashing out at you for 'just a widdle bit of peace and quiet' are the exact things that will make a MAN fall in love with you."
"There is someone out there who is looking for someone and their cute ways to be loved by them."
"Don't leave them waiting too long. In the meantime, NOR." - major-psychs
"He's being a real jerk so YOU end it."
"So. You're not at the airport… Don't announce that you're leaving. Pack and go when he's gone. Block him. Be done."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"NOR. Not at all. If you have somewhere to go, run and never look back." - Bitter_Arm_2035
After receiving ample suggestions to break up, the OP shared some conflicted feelings, leaning toward agreeing with the idea of breaking up.
"I think the best decision would be to get the h**l out of this house."
"If everything else were 'perfect,' I wouldn't be here asking strangers on Reddit whether I'm losing my mind."
"I'm not super loud. I'm literally doing normal human stuff. If breathing, sneezing, and opening a drawer count as 'noise,' then yeah… maybe he is just over me and looking for reasons to be annoyed."
"What's wild is he doesn't talk about anything. He nitpicks, sighs dramatically, acts irritated, but when I ask what's actually wrong, he says nothing."
"So either he wants out and doesn't have the guts to say it, or he genuinely expects me to live like a silent NPC roaming the house on mute."
"I brought up the subject of breaking up, but he started saying there was no problem. Reddit, are we surprised?"
"Now I am absolutely certain about breaking up, because I cannot change him unless he wants to."
"I don't want to change him; I want everyone to go where they are happy. I don't want anyone to stay with someone just because they are afraid of losing them or because of some inner inadequacy when they are not actually happy."
"Now I'm taking responsibility for this breakup, and I'll talk to him tomorrow and want to end it directly."
The OP hadn't shared an update if they had followed through with breaking up with their boyfriend or at least having a conversation about what was happening, but it was clear that their relationship was changing, and it was not in a good way.
It might be one thing if the OP slamming the cabinets made their boyfriend's ears hurt. Then the boyfriend could say what the problem was, and why, the OP could practice closing the cabinets quietly, and the situation would be resolved.
The fact that the boyfriend seemed to be upset with simple signs of living, and the fact that he wasn't discussing his concerns by instead lashing out, that left the OP with little to work with to actually improve whatever was broken in their relationship.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.