While we might like to imagine all relationships possibly being able to work out, the truth of the matter is, a relationship or friendship could end at any moment, for any reason.
The reasons for the breakup will be increasingly petty, depending on how toxic or unserious the relationship is, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit, like being mad about how someone folds clothes.
Redditor bigtityeva had been living with their boyfriend for a while, only for him to begin to complain about any noise that they made, no matter how mild or quiet.
Out of anger, they suggested that he date a ghost instead, and when he accused them of being abusive, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if they were in a relationship that could last.
They asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for telling my boyfriend he can go date a ghost if silence is that important to him?”
The OP’s boyfriend started treating everything like a noise violation in their home.
“My boyfriend has recently decided that every tiny thing I do is ‘too loud.’ Not music, not parties; I’m talking basic human functions.”
“I close a cabinet: ‘Can you NOT?'”
“I walk normally: ‘Why are you stomping?'”
“I open a bag of chips: ‘You’re doing that aggressively.'”
“I COUGH: ‘You always need attention.'”
The OP had enough when their boyfriend demanded peace and quiet.
“Two days ago, I laughed ONCE while watching my phone.”
“He paused his show, stared at me like I kicked his dog, and said, ‘I just want peace and quiet. You’re draining.'”
“At that point, I said, ‘If you want silence so badly, go date a ghost. Or better, move out, so you can enjoy all the quiet you want without me existing.'”
The boyfriend accused the OP of various things, leaving them feeling conflicted.
“He told me I was ’emotionally abusive’ and ‘hostile’ and then stormed off like I ruined his entire life.”
“Now he’s giving me the silent treatment (which is ironic, considering that’s supposedly his dream).”
“Was I wrong for finally matching his energy, or is he acting like living with an actual human is a war crime?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some took the OP’s hand and gently explained that the relationship didn’t seem to be working anymore.
“I’m so sorry to say this, but he doesn’t like you anymore. He isn’t annoyed by you being loud; he is annoyed by your presence. He has already checked out of the relationship mentally, which is why he is annoyed with you being there.”
“Give him exactly what he wants, silence. Don’t go apologize to him; let him sulk. He is trying to manipulate you. He overreacts to very common things you should be able to do in your house, and then tries to make it seem like it’s your issue for getting upset by it.”
“It’s time to move on and find someone who enjoys the sound of you being happy and laughing; he sounds miserable.” – CorePM
“NOR. Sounds like he’s kvetching like that to drive you away. And when you do leave, slam that godd**n door as hard as you can.” – Tiny-Objective6795
“NOR. Your boyfriend is not happy in the relationship or some parts of it. It’s coming out as if everything you do annoys him, but he doesn’t have the guts to break up with you. Sorry, OP.” – Remote-Tangerine-737
“He’s doing that thing that insecure guys do: he’s trying to give you reasons to dump him so he doesn’t have to take accountability for DOING the dumping. He wants to dump you; he just wants the pity and sympathy points of being the poor, dumped party.”
“In my opinion, give it to him, and find someone who enjoys having you around. Him ‘getting sympathy points’ is worth you saving your time and your toes from all that tiptoeing. Oh, and YOUR peace. NOR, infinitely.” – SprayedSL2
“The fact that you’re breathing irritates him means the party is over. And by the way, he sounds like the one who’s draining. I mean, can HE not??” – Beautiful_Camel_17
Others agreed and reassured the OP that it was time to start a life without all the noise monitoring.
“I think you know it’s time to leave him and get out. No one wants to tiptoe around their own house.” – Vvendetadlcemc
“Sounds like mine. I understand what you’re saying. You need to leave. I’m trying to do the same.”
“It won’t turn around. Mine started with saying I was too loud, and he went through our fridge and pantry, criticizing every single thing he could find that he felt he could get a cheaper version of (despite me being the budget shopper in the house). Then it grew to everything being my fault, that I can’t do anything right, no matter what it is.”
“Don’t still be in that house when he’s saying everything is your fault. He won’t leave, and mine won’t either. So since it’s our fault, we will be on our faulty way.” – Playful_Prior_3831
“He sounds like he doesn’t like you. I’m sorry. You should leave and be with someone who values you and actually enjoys your company because it’s the least you can ask for, literally.” – Upbeat_Arm_1093
“Yeah, he hates you and the reminders of your presence.”
“I have housemates, none of which are a partner of mine, and I care about them, and so it brings me joy when I hear them around the house. Cooking or doing dishes, walking upstairs, getting home and kicking off their shoes. And I have sensory issues and like being alone!”
“You deserve someone who will smile when they hear you laughing at your phone. Or at least, you deserve to be able to live comfortably in your own home without worrying about being snapped at for breathing too loud.” – phoenixrunninghome
“Imagine this. This guy is infuriated, perturbed, inconvenienced, scoffing, rolling his eyes, and lashing out at every little sign of you existing. The way you clean, make your tea, shower, cry, laugh, live your life…”
“Then, how does it feel… if all of the above made your partner want to kiss you or romantically acknowledge you instead? The things that have this ‘man’ lashing out at you for ‘just a widdle bit of peace and quiet’ are the exact things that will make a MAN fall in love with you.”
“There is someone out there who is looking for someone and their cute ways to be loved by them.”
“Don’t leave them waiting too long. In the meantime, NOR.” – major-psychs
“He’s being a real jerk so YOU end it.”
“So. You’re not at the airport… Don’t announce that you’re leaving. Pack and go when he’s gone. Block him. Be done.”
“NOR.” – MizPeachyKeen
“NOR. Not at all. If you have somewhere to go, run and never look back.” – Bitter_Arm_2035
After receiving ample suggestions to break up, the OP shared some conflicted feelings, leaning toward agreeing with the idea of breaking up.
“I think the best decision would be to get the h**l out of this house.”
“If everything else were ‘perfect,’ I wouldn’t be here asking strangers on Reddit whether I’m losing my mind.”
“I’m not super loud. I’m literally doing normal human stuff. If breathing, sneezing, and opening a drawer count as ‘noise,’ then yeah… maybe he is just over me and looking for reasons to be annoyed.”
“What’s wild is he doesn’t talk about anything. He nitpicks, sighs dramatically, acts irritated, but when I ask what’s actually wrong, he says nothing.”
“So either he wants out and doesn’t have the guts to say it, or he genuinely expects me to live like a silent NPC roaming the house on mute.”
“I brought up the subject of breaking up, but he started saying there was no problem. Reddit, are we surprised?”
“Now I am absolutely certain about breaking up, because I cannot change him unless he wants to.”
“I don’t want to change him; I want everyone to go where they are happy. I don’t want anyone to stay with someone just because they are afraid of losing them or because of some inner inadequacy when they are not actually happy.”
“Now I’m taking responsibility for this breakup, and I’ll talk to him tomorrow and want to end it directly.”
The OP hadn’t shared an update if they had followed through with breaking up with their boyfriend or at least having a conversation about what was happening, but it was clear that their relationship was changing, and it was not in a good way.
It might be one thing if the OP slamming the cabinets made their boyfriend’s ears hurt. Then the boyfriend could say what the problem was, and why, the OP could practice closing the cabinets quietly, and the situation would be resolved.
The fact that the boyfriend seemed to be upset with simple signs of living, and the fact that he wasn’t discussing his concerns by instead lashing out, that left the OP with little to work with to actually improve whatever was broken in their relationship.