Right now the world is in chaos.
Emotions are constantly running on high overload.
And all of our most essential people and workers are struggling to cope and survive.
Sadly many personal relationships are taking a hit.
The balance of career and home is becoming harder to manage.
Case in point…
Redditor StraightKale5752 to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for forcing my wife to change career?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife is a Registered Nurse and the last two years have been incredibly hard.”
“I have been really worried about her and she has been working really horrible hours for most of the two years.”
“I really can’t do it anymore.”
“We were finally getting back to a place where we had time for each other and then it got yanked back again.”
“It broke my heart and I told her that I really don’t have the energy and mental fortitude to deal with the stresses that came with her career.”
“And I told her that I know that meant that we would probably divorce and I didn’t want to leave her but I haven’t felt happy in a long time.”
“She didn’t take it well and she was crying and two days later she told me she wanted to work on our relationship and she wanted to do something else as she was burnt out and she needed a change.”
“She quit her job and has been searching for other roles in the healthcare industry.”
“We have been spending a lot of time together and it has helped both of us feel sane.”
“Last night, she was reading an article about the nursing shortage and started to cry.”
“I tried to console her and she said it was my fault that she had quit her job and she felt really guilty about it and she would have nerve quit if not for me.”
“She said she would have worked through all the bulls**t and she was willing to bear all the stress that came with the job if I hadn’t brought up divorce.”
“I feel guilty because I selfishly didn’t second guess her when she brought up quitting the job because I didn’t want to leave her.”
“I really love my wife and I want her to be happy.”
“And I feel she has to work through a lot of guilt about quitting and I feel horrible for forcing her to quit.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors seemed undecided on who the A**hole was in this situation. It was certainly a hot debate.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA. You threatened divorce because she has a stressful job as an RN in the middle of a pandemic with a massive shortage of nurses? Cool. Cool cool cool.”
“Your job is to support her. Period.” ~ lovely_aria_ann
“He couldn’t live with the hot that high stress job, so he communicated that he couldn’t do that anymore.”
“She chose whether to stay with him or leave the job.”
“She might now regret it; she might have made the wrong choice for her, but that doesn’t make him the a**hole.”
“There is no a**hole here unless she unless she stays with him and doesn’t deal with the fact that she regrets leaving her job.”
“She needs to either leave him and go back to the job or deal with the loss of the job.”
“But, him stating that he can not live under that amount of stress anymore is not an asshole move.”
“And I’m sorry, but the situation with Covid does not make him required to deal with it; in fact, it is upping the stress so much that a lot of people are leaving the industry.”
“It’s just too much.” ~ Affectionate-Prize84
“Ya no it’s within his right to leave.”
“However, how he went about it does make him an a**hole.”
“Instead of trying to figure out a middle ground, he basically gave her an ultimatum of ‘you either quit your job now or we divorce.'”
“My way or high way. Especially about something that isn’t really her fault.” ~ GelatinousPumpkin
“Exactly! OP said in the comments he had been watching her suffer for months.”
“Her hair was thinning, she was losing weight and wasn’t sleeping.”
“She’s clearly under a lot of pressure and stress, if not depressed and/or has PTSD like a lot of nurses in this pandemic.”
“His actions as a husband is change your career or we are going to divorce?”
“This is supposed to be someone he loves, respects and is married to.”
“If anything she needs help and therapy, not more weight dropped on her.”
“I could see asking her to step back, cut her hours, change her job (but not her entire career!).”
“Then maybe if it wasn’t working, counseling or divorce.”
“But based on what we have, he went straight to threatening her with divorce if she didn’t change career, not her job, career.”
“She deserves better than emotional blackmail when she’s already in a horrible mental state.” ~ PotatoLover-3000
“As far as I can see in the post, it wasn’t him who brought up her quitting her job.”
“That was her response to him communicating his issues.”
“It must be hard for him to be married to someone he barely sees and is stressed and exhausted when he does spend time with her.”
“You can get burned out from constantly supporting someone too.”
“It’s pretty obvious why she’s not an a**hole in this.”
“I’m a firm NAH and the real AH is a healthcare system that puts so much pressure on its staff.” ~ cyberllama
“NAH, the real AHs are the people not doing their part to help put this pandemic in check.”
“The ones that refute science and then roll right into the hospital sick as s**t suddenly wanting all the science.”
“The ones that cuss and fight the healthcare workers while lying in that hospital bed.”
“The ones who’s relatives do the same – fight and cuss the worker, then rush home to post more lies on social media and refuse to learn from their loved ones mistakes.” ~ Advanced-Extent-420
“Some professionals do not contribute to a healthy relationship.”
“Something has to give and it’s usually the relationship.”
“He recognized that and said he wants out unless something changes.”
“Nurses are working insane hours. Not having anything left for your spouse for two years? Totally unsustainable.” ~ desertrat329
“Honestly though, that would be on her to suggest.”
“If her job is damaging their relationship and there are ways for her to stay in the same field while getting out of the specific job that is causing the problem, she ought to bring it up.”
“She’s smart. She’s the expert. She would know if she could just work part time or get a different kind of RN job.”
“It’s not his responsibility to find a new job for her.”
“ETA: And now that she finds she misses being a nurse, this would be the perfect time for her to suggest one of those RN positions with shorter hours and better working conditions.”
“But it sounds like she wants to go right back to what she was doing before.” ~
“I disagree. I say NTA. It sounds like they were both miserable and he laid out his terms.”
“She made a choice, he didn’t force her to do anything. If she was burnt out it was the right choice.”
“Burnt out healthcare workers don’t make good healthcare workers. Speaking as a healthcare worker.” ~ araknay
“YTA. Full disclosure-I’m a nurse.”
“Nobody other than other health care workers has any inkling of an idea of what we’ve gone through in two years and there aren’t adequate words to explain it here.”
“You think you can’t go through it again? How do you think she feels?”
“And on top of that you’re threatening to divorce her because of her dedication to her profession!”
“News flash-every single nurse on the planet is burned out right now but there are still sick people and someone has to take care of them.”
“Do you have any idea what she’s seen? What we’ve all seen? What she’s had to do? Had to face?”
“Of course she’s crying when she reads about the nursing shortage!
“We are dropping like flies and the ones who haven’t are fleeing the bedside in droves!”
“Did you or didn’t you promise in good times and bad?”
“Maybe you didn’t, I don’t know.”
“But this is the worst time in recent history to do what we do and I pray that your wife has some kind of support from another loved one.”
“You seriously cannot suck it up and see her through?”
“That is not how you love someone, especially not someone who has risked her own a** to save a strangers, repeatedly.” ~ snarky_chimichanga
“People divorce people in essential high stress jobs every day.”
“No one is owed a permanent relationship if they can’t meet some of their partner’s needs.”
“No matter how noble or necessary the work they do.”
“Service people in wartime get Dear John letters.”
“Partners divorce overworked cops, firefighters, flight crews all the time, CEOs, athletes, celebrities all can lose their relationships over work.”
“The partner of op is burnt out and that’s awful for them but if the burnout is long term and making the relationship untenable, then OP doesn’t have to stay.”
“OP can’t work with this situation. They made an ultimatum. “
“There’s nothing wrong with an ultimatum.” ~ HesherPiney
It’s all a lot for everyone right now.
We need our medical professionals now more than ever, but they also need time to live for themselves.
This story is sad. Hopefully OP and wife can find the compromise.
Good to them.