Why is education so expensive?
We all want to be educated and we want the world to be educated so that the world can do better.
So shouldn’t access to education be easy?
The answers to that question can become quite a burden for many families.
And that can lead to difficult choices and hurt feelings.
Case in point…
Redditor parents_lied__ wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my parents that I will never speak to them again after they lied to me about their ability to pay for my college?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“In case anyone is wondering…”
“HYPSM = Harvard Yale Princeton Stanford MIT”
“FAANG = Facebook Amazon Apple Netflix Google”
“All throughout high school, my parents prodded me (23 M[ale]) to study hard, earn good grades, and involve myself in extracurriculars.”
“They constantly said things along the lines of ‘look at person A’s sister, she’s attending Harvard Law’ and ‘follow person B’s example, he’s doing an MBA at Stanford.'”
“I did as I was told and was accepted into one of HYPSM.”
“I vividly remember crying out of sheer happiness when I logged into the portal and saw my acceptance letter.”
“I thought that my parents would be just as excited as I was, but imagine my shock when they said… ‘We think you should attend (state school) instead, because it’s a lot cheaper and just as good for your major (computer science) as HYPSM. We earn X per month, the mortgage is Y per month, so we have to support the family on Z per month. Where’s the money for you to attend HYPSM?'”
“They then logged into their bank account and invited me to do the budget calculations myself.”
“I did them, saw that their numbers added up, and declined my HYPSM offer (as much as it pained me).”
“I ended up going to (state school) for my BS and MS in computer science.”
“I currently work at FAANG, which means that I will be able to pay off my student loans relatively quickly.”
“(My parents said they’d pay the difference after I took out the max in federal loans per school year).”
“My sister (17 F[emale]) called in December to tell me that she was accepted early into one of HYPSM.”
“I congratulated her on getting in, and asked her if our parents would force her to decline her offer as well due to the cost.”
“She told me that dad told her to not worry about the cost. I then put two and two together, made an excuse to leave, and hung up the phone.”
“I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t put two and two together before that moment.”
“My dad has worked at a different FAANG since 2006.”
“These companies give their employees A LOT of stock per year, which meant that when I was getting my college acceptance letters (spring 2016), my dad’s shares were worth hundreds of thousands (possibly even millions) of dollars.”
“My dad is able to pay for my sister’s tuition by selling off some of his shares.”
“The next time my parents FaceTimed me I asked them why they were unwilling to sell some of my dad’s shares when I was accepted into HYPSM.”
“They visibly tensed up and muttered something about how their financial decisions were none of my business.”
“I then told them that this was the last time I’d ever speak with them because they were liars who pulled a giant bait and switch on me.”
“That all happened shortly before Christmas.”
“The gf asked me why I’ve been declining all of their calls lately.”
“After I explained to her why, she told me that she can see why I’m angry, but she also told me that I really shouldn’t be complaining as I’m in a better financial position than at least 95% of people our age.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Situation sucks. You are better off than most for this your gf is correct.”
“But what I’m hearing is that it isn’t about the college choice or financial choice, but rather the clear favoritism towards your sister.”
“Your choice on whether to move on or forgive, but in my years of being the ‘not favorite’ sibling it took me a long time to realize I don’t forgive them for them.”
“I do it for me. Bitterness sucks.”
“I am low contact and I’d suggest the same for you.”
“That being said. Yeah you’re NTA. but for your own mental and spiritual health don’t let it eat at you.”
“Forgive and move on. That doesn’t mean you need to keep them as centerpieces in your life.” ~ Yukon-Don
“THEY are the ones the pushed him to get into HYPSM.”
“THEY wanted him to get in. They made their dream his dream and he was so excited to get in.”
“Then they lied about not being able to pay, though they are fine with paying for his sister.”
“It doesn’t really matter that they helped him some, especially as they could afford it. I don’t think they should be compared to people who can’t afford to pay for their kid’s colleges.”
“They pushed him and then lied to him.” ~ dyingstars28
“That would bother me more than anything. The lying, the deception, the favouritism. It’s not about money.”
“I would always wonder what else they’ve hid. NTA.” ~ DrWhoop87
“Letting go of your anger for your own mental health and sanity isn’t the same as ‘forgiving them.'”
“It’s just choosing to allow yourself to move forward.”
“OP, NTA. While your girlfriend may be correct the big issue, to me, is that it was your dream school and you were so excited.”
“They purposely deceived you to get you to decline the school. If state school is good enough for you then it’s good enough for your sister.”
“What they did was wrong. Then to tell you that their finances aren’t your business even though they logged into their accounts to prove their point… like really?!”
“They knew what they were doing.” ~ FranJ08
“NTA. Being in a better financial position than others your age is a separate issue.”
“Lying is lying, no matter how your situation compares to others. pushing you then pulling out the rug is awful.”
“The main problem is they lied.”
“That’s a huge breech of trust. And now they’re telling sister not to worry? I’m sorry. That has to hurt.”
“And then they don’t even offer to pay off the loans for the lower costing school that they pushed you to? C’mon.”
“You’re totally justified in not talking to them ever, if you want.”
“Or waiting a certain period, or telling them to write you a letter that maybe you will read or send you a video message so you have documentation.”
“You’re in control here. Do what makes you feel good.”
“Or, you could tell them to give you the same sum they give her for school. All those stocks are way up now.”
“They should be able to afford it. Or they can take out a loan. Serve them right.”
“Whatever you do, NTA. You were lied to for years.” ~ loginorregister9
“NTA. Yes, you’re in a way better financial position than most.”
“Yes, you received an equally quality education at a state school. These are valid points.”
“That being said, you have every right to be angry that your parents spent years building up your expectations and tying your self/academic-worth to getting into an Ivy, and then lied to you about your ability to attend.”
“They forced you to make a self-sacrificing choice that you didn’t have to make, while your sister didn’t get the short end of that stick.”
“Some people will say that your parents don’t owe you cash, and they don’t, but they do owe you the respect and honesty to tell you the truth and not play favorites.”
“And they deliberately chose not to, and it sucks.”
“If you want to go LC or stay NC, that’s valid – just make sure they know it’s because they lied to you.” ~ caz__z
That is a lot.
That is a lot of pain to unpack.
And hopefully OP and his family can do it.
And if OP is reading… who wouldn’t love an update on this story?