Gambling addiction is a serious behavioral problem that can destroy the gambler and their loved ones lives.
Gambling is addictive because it stimulates the brain much like drugs or alcohol can. Addiction to gambling ranks as the most common impulse control disorder worldwide.
Getting funds to continue gambling or to pay off associated debts can lead gamblers to pawning their possessions, taking out loans against their vehicles or home, or even stealing.
A man dealing with a significant other addicted to gambling turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Snorlax_Silverback26 asked:
"AITA for filing a police report for my girlfriend selling my iPad?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"AITA for filing a police report to get my iPad back from ecoATM if it was my girlfriend who stole/sold it? I want my iPad Pro back. Seriously. Like in the worst way."
*EDITOR'S NOTE: ecoATM is a phone/tablet recycling company that pays cash for old devices dropped into their boxes located in stores or malls
"So I pinged it at Walmart maybe 5 days after it was missing. I have a friend who is a long time employee of Walmart and they pulled up the camera and found out it was my girlfriend."
"Their policy is that the company or Walmart will not open up the box to check without a police report. That's a must for this to continue in getting my iPad back."
"We been together 8-9 years. 3 kids together. But she denied, denied, denied until I finally have proof."
"She cried and cried and after a few days I finally gave in and forgave her. We talked, and the only way to make this right is if I get it back. I don't wanna press charges, but I'm sure the state will."
"So a weeks gone by and I just now started the police report after I found out you can do it online. I've never filed one, never even called the police before in my life, so I was hesitant. But knowing I can do it online gave me the courage to proceed."
"She mad because she thinks it's kinda f*cked up for doing it now since we're over it. She thought I would have been done with it. But f*ck that. I want my iPad back. But anyway, comments pIease."
"AITA for filing a police report to get my iPad back even though I chose to forgive her?"
"I don't wanna press charges and probably won't go to any court dates or anything like that."
"I guess I was hoping she would grow up over time. And gambling is definitely a bad habit she picked up this year. I just ultimately didn't want just a 'baby mama' and wanted to stick to the family thing."
"Good and bad. But this creates so much doubt inside me about our future."
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"Is it OK to file a police report on my girlfriend just to get my iPad back that she stole/sold?"
"Some people think I should let it go since we're staying together and she could possibly get in trouble."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"We pinged my wife's stolen iPhone to an ecoATM, and did indeed need to file a police report to get it back."
"The police asked me if I wanted to press charges should they find who did it, I told them not really, was pretty sure it was a bunch of kids who snagged it off her tray at a movie theatre, didn't seem worth the effort."
"It may vary by state, and the fact that you know who took it, but just filing the police report doesn't necessarily bring charges."
"It will take months to get back, they would not open the box in the mall, it had to go back to ecoATM's warehouse and be searched for there, but they did send it back." ~ No-Yam-1231
"NTA for reporting it. But why the hell are you staying with her? This can't be the first time she's done something awful like this right?"
"Why did she do it? What was the money for, and where is the money? This type of theft is something addicts do."
"What you need to do is allow the consequences to happen for the theft and leave her. If you stay you're only setting the example for your children that being treated like sh*t by a partner is acceptable behavior."
"Is that what you want? If your children had a partner as adults pulling the same sh*t your long-term girlfriend has, would you advise them to stay? No? Didn't think so."
"Then don't set the example for them on accepting this sh*t from a partner. There's a reason that you haven't married her after 3 kids and all this time."
"Now step up and show your kids this isn't acceptable."
"Sorry, dude. I get where you're coming from. It isn't easy to be where you're at right now. It's a sh*tty thing to go through."
"Sometimes sticking to the family thing means not being together anymore, because that's what's best for the kids and your own mental health. Family comes in many different forms and structures not just a mom and dad in the same household."
"It isn't the fairytale. It isn't the ideal we are sold as kids. But it's the truth of it."
"I know your heart is broken into a million bits, and that's awful to experience. I'm truly sorry to hit you with such a hard truth with my comment above. But it's the exact thing I'd say to my own sons if they were going through what you are." ~ MoulanRougeFae
"NTA. It was stolen from you. It still sucks for everyone, though, because of your history together and the kids."
"But if your GF so desperately needs money that she is willing to steal from you, there might be something at play that you don't know about." ~ helican
"NTA, but what is this relationship? Y'all have been together that long, have 3 kids, and still acting this childish? Why y'all not married?"
"Sh*t like this, I assume… but yeah, she shouldn't be having more kids acting like this. Unless you are not telling us the truth of your iPad use…?" ~ Special_Acadia247
"Right? Why on earth would you bring three entire new, vulnerable human beings into the world with someone you don't even like enough to give them the legal protections and commitment of marriage?"
"This kind of situation shows up constantly on here, and I'll never, ever understand it. If you don't even care enough about someone to want to properly commit to them as a couple, including legally, then don't bloody well have kids with them."
"Sure, sometimes accidents happen, but you can't have an 'accident' more than once... if you're still sleeping with them after that, you know perfectly well that you're risking more kids." ~ Sorry_I_Guess
"NTA, but are you aware that it's not the victim who presses charges but the police/prosecutor? You can refuse any further cooperation after making a report, but if there is video evidence, then they can still proceed with a theft charge."
"It's very unlikely if you don't want to take it further, but possible. Honestly, this all sounds messy." ~ ValuableMine9
"NTA. You forgave her, but that doesn't mean you have to lose your stuff too. She sold your iPad that's on her. You just want it back, and filing a report is the right move. If she really cared, she'd be helping you fix it, not getting mad." ~ CandyTemporary7074
"NTA. She stole it, and being your girlfriend does not absolve her of the consequences for her actions. If you don',t she'll just sell something else behind your back because she didn't have any consequences this time." ~ Beautiful-Way-2259
"Good Grief! She's an a**hole for stealing your stuff."
"That said, you've forgiven her, got back together, and what happened to the money?"
"By filing a police report, your 'Baby-mama', who you're back together with, will probably be arrested. Whether the DA's office decides it's worth going forward with charges and a prison term is uncertain."
"Meanwhile she'll have that arrest following her for the rest of her life. You'll be stuck watching three kids while it all gets sorted out."
"So you're an a**hole too. Please use birth control for the rest of your lives." ~ yagooch
"You need to file the police report. You need to leave her. You need to let the cards fall where they land regarding the charges."
"Staying with this woman teaches your children the wrong things." ~ Calm_Initial
"What bothers me the most is that she did something so obviously stupid. Did she think you wouldn't notice it gone immediately?"
"That the suspects are basically just her? That you didn't have a way to track it down?"
"It's like she expected you to just shrug your shoulders and go, 'Oh well, guess it's gone,' and not mention it again."
"The stupidity of it offends me more than the crime." ~ Sacrip
It seems the OP has more to think about than his iPad.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.