Guy Wants To Leave His Pregnant Wife Because She Complains About His Gym And Food Routine

Whenever we try to reach a goal, whether it be writing a book or losing weight or traveling the world, we're always going to have two kinds of people around us: those who support our efforts and those who will tear our dreams down any chance they get.

Unfortunately, sometimes we're related to people in this second group, or we'll even have a best friend or romantic partner who's ready to sabotage at any moment, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Now that he had a toddler and another baby on the way, Redditor PictureDry6904 wanted to improve his health, so he started eating healthier foods, meal prepping each week, and returning to the gym.

When his pregnant wife criticized his weight loss, his time in the gym, and even threw away his prepped meals, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and wondered if the relationship would last, even with children in the picture.

He asked the sub:

"AITAH for wanting to leave my pregnant wife, with whom I have a child, because she does not want me to continue my diet or workout routine?"

The OP met his wife while they were both in college.

"My wife, Jen, and I went to the same college. We met at the beginning of her freshman year (my sophomore year)."

"I was an offensive tackle on the football team; as such, I was always a large guy. Jen was a small girl with an hourglass figure who guys on campus would pretty brazenly check out whenever she went anywhere."

"We started dating pretty quickly and dated on and off over the next two and a half years."

"When the pandemic shutdowns hit, we were living together."

When Jen got pregnant, the OP wanted to improve his health.

"Jen got pregnant during the shutdowns. At that time, I was weighing about 350 pounds. I had some pretty significant back and knee problems."

"I decided I needed to make a change because I wanted to be an active and involved father. At first, Jen was supportive. I changed my diet (no fried food, sweets, or soft drinks), and I increased my workout routine."

"The weight pretty quickly started coming off. By the time my son was born, I was down to 310 (about the weight I was when Jen and I started dating)."

"We got married the next summer."

The OP continued to improve his health.

"I decided I wanted to keep losing weight. I was motivated, feeling great, and wanted to get to about 200, maybe 210, pounds."

"Jen became less supportive, but she was not hostile towards my goal."

"I did my best to structure my workout routine to decrease the amount of time I was away from home. I started going to the gym during my lunch breaks from work and made a little area in the garage for me to do my cardio in the morning. I also made all of my own meals to not potentially add any extra work to her load."

"Outside of her concerns about my weight loss, our marriage seemed good. I was in individual counseling and had suggested couples counseling, but Jen was not open to the idea."

"We were both enjoying our little family life with our son. We decided to try for a second child. Jen is currently six months pregnant."

"Since getting pregnant, Jen has become very hostile towards my diet and workout routine. It has mostly consisted of digs and passive-aggressive remarks about my working out and about my body."

"About two months ago was her 25th birthday. We got dressed up and went out to a nice dinner. The evening seemed to be going well until she went to the bathroom."

"When she came back, her demeanor had changed completely (I recently learned she had overheard some women in the bathroom commenting on how 'cute' I was)."

Jen began to sabotage the OP's weight loss journey.

"Her overt hostility towards me working out has increased dramatically."

"The thing that is making me leave is that there is a fridge in the garage where I store my pre-made meals. I will make meals for two weeks, store/freeze them there, defrost, and then warm them up for meal time."

"I had just done two weeks' worth of meals, and she threw out the meals."

"I told her I was disgusted and done. This happened about six weeks ago."

Then Jen started to reveal the real reasons she had issues with the OP losing weight.

"She has since come to me and tried to offer an explanation, except her explanation has made it worse."

"She is jealous because she used to get all this attention from other men, while I got no attention from other women, and now, I get attention from other wome,n and she gets no attention from other men."

"I asked her why she would even want attention from other men, and she could not explain it beyond, 'it makes her feel good.'"

"I asked her how she would feel if I told her that I work out because I wanted attention from other women?"

"She said she would assume I was cheating."

"Since I said I was done, she said she is willing to do counseling now. She had repeatedly tried to initiate sex, and I have blocked those advances."

"AITAH for wanting to leave?"

After the initial comments came in, the OP updated the post with answers to commonly asked questions.

"Here are answers to common questions I am seeing:"

"Does my workout/diet interfere with time with my family?"

"No, it does not. I wake up early before anyone else is awake and work out in the garage. The only time I go to the gym is on my lunch break at work. I would not be able to leave the office early if I did not work out at lunch."

"My meal prep happens on Sunday when the family is at church (I would not be going to church with them even if I was not meal prepping)."

"I shop for the whole house for groceries for the week and then make a big batch of chicken thighs, a big batch of chicken legs, and a big batch of chickpea salad, and then vacuum seal and put them into the freezer in the garage, and also do the other meal prep."

"Do you cook for your family?"

"Yes, I cook 100 percent of the at-home dinners for my wife and son. I make them whatever my wife wants. I will warm up my food in the microwave and eat with them."

"Does your wife get time to herself?"

"Yes, my son is in daycare. That started in June. Prior to that, he was at home with my wife and did a Mother's Day out. Additionally, both our moms are retired and love to be with our son whenever they can, so she would regularly drop him off."

"Additionally, in the evenings during the week, after dinner, I am solely responsible for him until I go to bed at 10:30 PM. I am also solely responsible for him on Saturday mornings."

"And if I am not working, I will be with our son whenever she needs or wants. Spending time with the little guy is incredibly fun for me."

"Do you spend time with just you and your wife?"

"Yes, we have a weekly date night on Saturday and usually do something just the two of us on Sunday. We also spend an hour or two Monday through Friday together."

"Do you do chores?"

"Yes, including mopping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms every other week, all yard-related tasks, doing any poopy/pee laundry for my son, doing all my own laundry, working with my son to straighten up his room before bed, and maintaining my areas of the house (namely my section of the bedroom)."

"AITAH for wanting to leave?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were concerned about the OP's wife's state of mental health.

"OP, you wrote, 'I recently learned she had overheard some women in the bathroom commenting on how 'cute' I was. But like, she told you that's why she was annoyed?"

"You sound like you're doing great, she sounds like she's not good mentally speaking, and also from a self-esteem perspective."

"Having babies for women is very difficult on our mental health because postpartum, we are expected to go back to the way we were, even in our own brains, we expect that of ourselves. We set unrealistic expectations about how things will be and how things are after."

"She obviously is having problems with her self-esteem and most likely could have antenatal depression or anxiety. She needs, and you need to see a counselor, together and separately for her."

"From an outside point of view, from what you have said and some of the comments I am reading, she is having a hard time expressing herself honestly and looking into herself at where her resentment and unhappiness are stemming from."

"It's not fair to you to be the bearer of her resentment. But if you care about her and your relationship and your children, you are going to have to be the voice of reason in this because she is not in the mental state to recognize these things."

"Don't give up so easily, please; hormones are a beast of a thing to deal with, and she obviously needs help."

"That being said, good job taking on the household tasks and being healthy yourself. That's a wonderful example and will help, I just think the two of you need to work on your communication together, especially her, because she's having trouble communicating her feelings correctly." - diss0lvedgir1

"If anyone had intervened and helped me get the mental health help and REST that I needed during those years, it could have changed the course of our family."

"These years are so sweet and beautiful and brutal at the same time. Growing, birthing, and caring for little humans takes a toll on a mom's body and mind. That all said, NTA, OP." - Rambling-Holiday1998

"Besides hormones, if someone already has image/body issues, pregnancy can dial this up to 11. Your body is just out of control."

"Yes, it's normal, it's even supposed to be happening, but that doesn't make it easy to experience. Even people who have fairly healthy body images can get insecure with all the changes."

"She has issues, and she needs to deal with them. Without taking it out on OP. Ideally, she would've dealt with them before getting pregnant again, since right now they will likely be harder than normal to address. But it's never too late to work towards better." - MaxBax_LArch

"She needs help. No, not all of it will be hormones, however, I do think there is a case of severe self-esteem issues and possible depression. I just think the hormones bring out the absolute worst of those things every time."

"She's going to have to prove to him that she's willing to be a non-toxic partner. He's going to have to put his foot down and ensure that she's getting help because she's no good to herself, let alone kids and a husband, in this mental state, and he absolutely should not be being abused."

"It absolutely was ridiculous for her to throw out the food, almost like she was starting a fight, sabotaging both him and their relationship in one move. To me, this screams for attentio,n and I think the subconscious needs to get help."

"I don't think she's clearly thinking, and I don't think she's capable of it until she is mentally balanced." - ClickClickBlip

"While I do think he should do counseling and try to work through it with her (if he wants to be with her), I don't think it should all be blamed on pregnancy hormones."

"She was unsupportive of his weight loss since he got below 300 pounds. And she's admitted it's because she wants attention from men and doesn't want him to get attention from women. That's messed up, and it's messed up that she threw out all his meals. She'd rather he be unhealthy because she's insecure."

"Could be fixed now that she's finally willing to try therapy, but it's up to him if he wants to be with someone who treats him that way and chooses these ways to cope with resentment and insecurity." - CurlyCarrots22

Others hoped that the OP could stick around long enough for his wife to get proper care and see if that made the difference they both needed.

"She would've had their first kid early in 2022, that kid would be three and a half years old now. She could very well still be suffering from post-natal depression from her prior pregnancy."

"OP, you are right to set boundaries and not allow her to treat you poorly. And if you don't or can't love her anymore, leaving may be best."

"But if you can, give her a chance to get treatment first. It sounds like she's really struggling. Not handling it appropriately, true, but struggling. Really think about this and consider if you are willing to try." - SummitJunkie7

"Don't give up yet! Get marriage counseling! Remember that life is an ever-changing thing from day to day, and as you go through the years, you have to learn to cope with certain things that have changed drastically, so don't give up yet."

"You have a family, and I think your wife can probably come to the party if you just give her a chance." - Top_Possibility1513

"Considering you have kids, maybe think about couples counseling since she's now willing. It sounds like there is also some individual work that she could do, so that would mean individual therapy." - Natural-Potential-80

"Have you two ever had an actual conversation about this? It sounds like neither of you express any feelings with each other until you're about to explode."

"It's concerning that your reaction is to up and leave, especially as she's currently pregnant and you have an older child, as well. Were they even a consideration when you jumped to wanting to leave? It feels like there is more going on than what you've said." - Thinglonger252525

"So many people throw away marriages over the inability to communicate or having different communication styles. One of the challenges is learning to support each other in the way that they can receive, both sides, obviously not one."

"I think with the way things are now with society with the mentality of 'use it and throw away instead of fixing it, I can just replace it.' We've somewhat thrown that with giving up with relationships too. It's so normal to get divorced nowadays, a yes, lot of people get married for the wrong reasons, but I think for the majority learning to grow with each other and communicate takes energy and time nobody wants to put in, and it's sad."

"I hope he's just at the end of his rope and reaching out, I can see that because they've let it go so far that it's become quite toxic, especially when he's trying to maintain his own mental health as best he can. I'm surely hoping that getting help for her and them together will fix it." - pricklpetal

The subReddit was not pleased to hear how the OP had been treated by his wife and how little support she was willing to show while he was on a journey to become healthier. A person's health shouldn't be jeopardized because of someone else's insecurities.

That all said, some also showed the wife the benefit of the doubt, believing it was possible that she struggling with her pregnancy and possibly saying the most hurtful things she could to equalize her husband. While that wasn't acceptable, either, it was treatable through care, medication, therapy, and time, if the OP were willing to spare a little more.