in ,

Pregnant Woman Kicks Acquaintance Out Of Party For Suggesting She Should’ve Had An Abortion

Phongthorn Hiranlikhit / EyeEm via Getty Images

Pregnancy is a really difficult and very personal decision.

At the end of the pregnancy, you’ll have a baby—which turns your 9-month commitment into a life-long one.  Feelings about that are sure to come up all the time.

Redditor Throwaway98398 found herself in that situation against someone who said something really insensitive about her pregnancy.  Forced to take sweeping action to protect herself, she endured a whole lot of blowback from others.

Needing objective feedback from strangers, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” to get opinions:

“AITA for kicking my best friend’s girlfriend out during a dinner party because of something she said?”

Our original poster, or OP, is a soon-to-be young mom who is carrying a pregnancy to term.

“I (19F[emale]) am 5 months pregnant. It was not planned at all but my fiancé, Barry (21M[ale]) and I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy after considering our options for a long time.”

“My best friend, Theo (20M) has been nothing but supportive and helpful. Theo got into a pretty serious relationship a few months ago but I have never met her so I suggested we have a dinner party and invite some other friends as well.”

“Ava (23F) seemed very sweet at first but then I noticed that she seemed cold towards me.”

“I thought it was just me but Barry asked me about it as well. I thought she may just be having a hard time surrounded by new people so I didn’t make a big deal out of it.”

“We all sat down to have dinner and Ava asked me how my pregnancy was going. I thanked her for asking and said it was alright.”

“I steered the conversation to another topic just because I didn’t want that to be the topic of the night. It was alright from then onwards for a while. Ava seemed to get along well with everyone.”

“I was feeling a bit tired so I excused myself and went to get a cold drink. When I came back my friends were just making sure I was okay and asked me if we should wrap up the party early and I said no.”

OP’s friend’s girlfriend suddenly got very blunt about OP’s pregnancy.

“Ava made a comment about pregnancy being hard and I agreed with her saying it’s the hardest thing ever.”

“She then said ‘No offense but why the f**k didn’t you guys consider abortion’ while laughing. I felt like that was such an awkward thing to ask…no one really answered but then Barry said it just wasn’t something we could do.”

“He asked everyone if they needed more drinks, in an attempt to change the topic but Ava continued.”

“She said (something along the lines of) ‘You guys know you’re ruining your life right like yikes’ still laughing.. So I told her, a bit rudely, to please not say things like this since I was feeling uncomfortable.”

“She replied saying she was brutally honest and that people liked that about her. I was thinking, I just met this girl.”

“I just couldn’t deal with this for the rest of the night so I told her to ‘please get out and maybe learn some manners’ and I guess she didn’t expect me to say it but she did get out.”

But now OP’s friend is angry with her.

“Theo was so angry at me, he said I was ruining him and just left with her. After a few awkward moments our other friends supported my decision and we had a good night.”

“Yesterday Theo messaged me (for the first time after the incident) and told me that Ava was refusing to speak to him and he said ‘thanks I hope you’re happy.'”

“Idk why that specific sentence just made me feel guilty. I believe I may have been the a**hole, she was a new member of the group and maybe I was overreacting and she didn’t mean to insult me. Barry thinks otherwise but he may be biased so.”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Redditors agreed Ava needed to watch how she talked to others.

“Narrator: nobody likes that about her. I cannot stand people who use ‘I’m just being honest!’ as an excuse to be rude and insulting to others.”

“Ava sounds like a nasty piece of work and you weren’t wrong to kick her out; her comment and subsequent doubling-down were outrageously out of line.”

“Theo is also completely wrong to be mad at you and I think some distance from him might not go amiss.”

“However, unless he is known to do this kind of thing himself, I’d keep an eye on him.”

“The fact that he doesn’t appear to acknowledge how awful Ava was to you and that she’s taking this out on him is raising a few red flags for me – I think it’s possible that the relationship might be abusive. NTA”-ImStealingTheTowels

“My friends describe me as brutally honest and they liked that about me. I’m a straightforward, no beating around the bush kinda person; but I would never say something like that and laugh about it.”

“My brutal honesty is more for my friends, not people I just met. There’s a line between brutal honesty and insults. AVA IS A GRADE-A JERK.”

“Theo is blind and is not OP’s friend. If he blames OP for ‘ruining’ his relationship with Ava, he has a lot of thinking and realizing to do. His best friend or a grade-a jerk?”

“I get that OP is young and a baby at her age would affect her future greatly, but it is her decision and it should be respected. NTA. Best of luck with the kid!”-icemelonwatermelon

“NTA I said this before elsewhere, but I’ll repeat it here: People who are brutally honest don’t advertise themselves as being so. Other people will tell you if someone is the brutally honest sort.”

“The truth of brutal honesty is that people who are so do it because they don’t want to be misunderstood.”

“They don’t like sugar-coating the truth because they want what they say to be clear and concise. They say what they think is relevant in a way that leaves no room for mistakes so no one can say they didn’t get it later. They only say what needs to be said and that’s it.”

“Truly brutally honest people are usually hesitant to give their opinions because they’ve been hit with the blow-back by people who don’t appreciate that they’re not going to pretty things up just to make them feel better.”

“They’ll generally warn someone with words like ‘You won’t like what I have to say’ or ‘You don’t want me to give my honest opinion.'”

“This is how they try to preserve their relationships when they know that someone will take the words in a hurtful way.”

“For these individuals, trying to sugar-coat or pretty things up is actually worse than lying. People who SAY ‘I’m brutally honest’ are the ones who use it as an excuse to be a**holes.”

“They’ve gotten away with various douchebaggery using that disclaimer. So long as people let them, they’ll continue to get away with it.”

“Good on you for kicking her out, but bad on Theo for letting her get the steam in her sails to begin with – he should have stopped her.”

“Her behavior was shameful and he should be giving you an apology for his lack of action while demanding an apology from her for making his taste in girlfriends look bad in front of your friends… because she most certainly did that.”-Spell_Blade

“I absolutely LOATHE when people believe ‘I’m just brutally honest’ is a noble quality. The kinds of people who say this are never ever just plainly honest in a tactful way; what they mean is they do not care one iota about how their opinions might hurt others.”

“There is absolutely a way that Ava could’ve asked, after taking time to get to know OP, whether she had considered termination in a tactful way.”

“But no, she had to make what seems like an obvious attempt to just embarrass OP. NTA”-messinthemidwest

People also noted the trap of “brutal honesty.”

Most people care more about the brutality.

“I would totally agree, and I say that as a person who was born to 19 year old parents. Parents who unfortunately got married and had another child, but mercifully they divorced after 5 years.”

“(And ‘pregnancy is the hardest thing ever’…no. Not even close. And I have had two children, both with complicated pregnancies.)

“I also would 100% keep that sh*t to myself, obviously she chose to carry the pregnancy, so me thinking it is just a thought to keep in my head, never to let escape.”

“Now is the time for support. OP is definitely NTA.”-HonPhryneFisher

“NTA she doesn’t know you from Adam so who does she thinks she is to bring that up in conversation?”

“It’s disgusting really 🙈 In addition to this it’s sounding like your friendship with Theo was a problem for her, especially if you’re partner also noticed her cold behavior.”

“Insecurity most like, some women don’t like it when their SO have a female bestie. Don’t quote me on it but it’s just a feeling I have.”-Fun_Measurement_5873

“Sounds like my MIL lol!

“But yes, people love to hide behind being ‘brutally honest’ or ‘I say how it is’ in order to give themselves an excuse for being a**holes.”

“NTA OP, I would have kicked her out too. Sounds like it was the metaphorical bucket of cold water over her head she needed!”-Big-Refrigerator-288

“NTA. That’s an extremely f**ked up thing to say, and even worse that she doubled down on it after you said you were uncomfortable.”

“Your friend Theo should ditch this girl, but you can’t control that. Hopefully he’ll come around.”-bathing_in_ranch

And as a young mom, OP should be focusing on getting ready for raising a child.

“NTA. There’s literally nothing else to say here.”

“In no world or mindset could you be the a**hole for kicking someone out who, UNPROMPTED, decided to shove their input on your reproductive status into the conversation, and then doubled down on it when the subject was moved on from.”

“Like holy sh*t. Hopefully your friend calms down and apologizes for his response, but in any case, NTA.”

“(PS, I had my oldest kid a couple months before my 19th birthday. He’s 15. Still with his dad/my husband. Life’s not ruined, just rearranged. Just throwing that out there in case she got to you a little bit with her bullsh*t)”-kittynaed

“NTA. F**k him. Anyone who can support someone who treats their best friend like that isn’t a friend at all.”

“I can’t imagine the audacity to enter someone’s home and tell them being pregnant is a bad decision.”

“I don’t know how deeply you care about this Theo dude but he sounds like the kind of guy you can do without.”-jtyashiro

“NTA and it sounds like you need a better ‘best friend’, OP!”

“You were setting boundaries with a person you just met, that made you uncomfortable, and this Theo friend has no right to be angry at you for his own shortcomings with his new GF.”

“She sounds hella toxic, and his anger with you is unreasonable. Also, congratulations on your pregnancy! 💙”-blehberries

“NTA. Wow, the audacity! Tell Theo that you are sorry if he is hurt, but she didn’t just step across a line, she took a running start and leaped clear past it.”

“If he has any doubts about that, the he is free to speak with the other friends who were present and get their assessment.”

“But in no way should you be spoken to like that in your own home, let alone by someone you just met.”-Chef73

OP has every right not to have someone who crosses every social line available in her house.

Hopefully the removal of her friend’s girlfriend will prove that she knows what she’s doing just a little more.

Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.