There are few things people dream of more than their wedding day.
There are some, however, whose heads get just as high up in the clouds, dreaming of the day they are proposed to. Imagining their partner picking the perfect setting, on the perfect day, with, of course, the perfect ring.
Many people go to great lengths to make sure their proposal will exceed the expectations of their soon-to-be betrothed.
Unfortunately, not all proposals quite live up to expectations.
The friend of a recent Redditor recently proposed to his girlfriend.
While she thankfully said yes, her response wasn’t quite what he hoped it would be.
Leading him to go to the original poster (OP) for feedback.
When the OP gave her friend her honest opinion, it was not the answer he wanted to hear.
Having second thoughts about her response, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my best friend I understood why his fiancee is so disappointed that he proposed to her at the gym?”
The OP explained how her honest feedback didn’t sit well with her best friend:
“I (27 F[emale]) was excited when my best friend (27 M[ale]) told me he had proposed to his girlfriend (29 F[emale]).”
“He said he had the proposal on video.”
“I was so confused when the video started out in woman’s gym.”
“When I saw his girlfriend on an exercise machine in the video, I had a bad feeling.”
“She looked so shocked, and she said yes.”
“She only looked happy for 2 minute,s and the rest of the time she gave an insincere smile.”
“My best friend expressed frustration that his fiancée had confessed she wasn’t happy with the proposal after he asked her why she looked so sad.”
“He was venting to me and asked me how I would feel if a guy proposed to me while I was at the gym.”
“I guess he really expected me to agree with him, but I said I would hate it.”
“I said I don’t want to be proposed to when I’m sweaty and stinky at the gym.”
“I basically explained to him that I understood why she was disappointed.”
“My best friend called me shallow and a bad friend.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for being honest with her best friend.
Everyone agreed that the OP merely gave her honest answer to the question her friend was asking, and if anyone was being shallow, it was the OP’s friend, who only wanted to hear answers that pleased him:
“NTA.”
“That’s a super weird setting unless they’re both major gym rats, and I’m always wary about super public proposals, because it feels like the person doing the proposing is applying pressure.”
“He asked you, you were honest, and he didn’t like your answer.”
“That’s 100% on him.”
“My best friend called me shallow.”
“This response actually makes it worse.”
“This feels like the kind of thing that was basically testing the fiancée, like, is she going to be a ‘cool girl’ or will she be disappointed/upset by this thoughtless proposal?”
“If he thinks you’re shallow for not liking it, what does he think about her?”
“Your friend doesn’t sound like a great dude.”
“I wouldn’t want to be proposed to at the gym.”- Lucky_Volume3819
“He’s asking for your opinion because his grilfriend didn’t like how he proposed, and when you agree with her, he calls you ‘shallow’?”
“Apparently, he was not really asking for your opinion: he wanted confirmation that his sloppy proposal was ‘ok’.”
“NTA, and he’s the one who is ‘shallow’.”- KarinSpaink
“NTA.”
“Also hold on a second, did you say womens gym?”
“As in like he entered a women’s only gym & proposed to her?”
“My BF & I love to go to the gym together, but it would be sooo uncomfortable if he proposed at our gym lol.”- plzstop435
“NTA for having an opinion and giving it to him when he asked.”
“He’s being a baby.”- CannibalismIsTight
“A women’s gym?”
“Thats even worse.”
“It’s not like, it’s their together place.”
“This was her gym.”
“Why would he feel the need to do a surprise public proposal at all, but to do it in a place that she holds for herself, not one of their couple spots, is just so self-centered.”
“You’re NTA, but dang, I hope he was just reacting – sometimes when we are criticized, our initial reaction is to get defensive and angry; later, after we have processed, we can take the words to heart and recognize our flaws.”
“Please give him the space and grace to realize he did screw up.”
“He asked, you answered honestly.”
“He needs to own his own behavior.”- throwaway1975764
“NTA.”
“I mean, he did ask you and you were honest, so like, he shouldn’t ask questions if he doesn’t like the answer.”
“Also, you are correct, most people do not like public proposals to begin with, and will often say yes because all the eyes around them are creating pressure, never mind when you’re really sweaty and listening to Eye of the Tiger on your Airpods while guzzling water and thinking about taking a long shower.”- mooseplainer
“NTA.”
“He asked for your opinion, and you gave it.”
“An age-old saying goes, if you don’t want the truth, don’t ask the question.”
“And yes, his proposal seemed very lazy and I, too, would be unhappy about it.”- KoolKoalaQueen
“NTA.”
“He shouldn’t have asked if he wasn’t ready to hear the truth.”
“My husband proposed to me privately at an almost empty restaurant we love.”
“For me, the privacy and no pictures/recordings were perfect.”
“A good friend of ours set up a Disney Cinderella-themed proposal, another did a proposal at the top of a climb after a hike.”
“Each of these proposals was perfect for each individual.”
“While it’s true it doesn’t matter where you propose, it doesn’t matter in the context of there’s no right/wrong place to do it in general, as long as it’s something that is in line with your partner’s taste.”- Answer_The_Walrus
“I always thought it would be the worst thing ever to be proposed to in a restaurant with everyone else staring and potentially clapping?”
“Big yikes for an introvert.”
“But this dude managed to take that horror level and obliterate it.”
“The GYM?”
“Oh hell no.”
“NTA, he needed to hear that truth, he’s both clueless and thoughtless.”- ZookeepergameOld3851
“WTF does he not have a romantic bone in his body?”
“Absolutely NTA, someone had to give him a reality check.”- meowmeowmenace
“NTA.”
“I get that he doesn’t want to hear after the fact that he deeply f*cked up, but that’s the worst proposal location I’ve ever heard of, and he did ask for your opinion.”- lycrashampoo
“NTA.”
“He did this for him and had no consideration for how she would feel in the moment.”
“Red flag red flag red flag.”- Mandiezie1
“NTA.”
“Your friend is a knucklehead for proposing at the gym.”- jadestem
“Unless they’re both huge gym buffs, that’s like… the worst possible place he could’ve chosen, NTA.”- Scrabulon
“NTA.’
“He asked for your opinion and you gave it.”
“as a girl i hold the very same opinion.”
“I wouldn’t want to be proposed to in any situation where I’m all sweaty and yucky feeling.”-imjustagirlie
“NTA.”
“Don’t ask a question if you don’t want an honest answer.”- throwaway-rayray
“NTA.”
“I’m not sure why he believed a sweaty gym would be an ideal place for romantic grand gestures.”-East_Transition533
“NTA.”
“Don’t ask a question if you don’t want the answer.”
“I get why she’d be disappointed, too. Is there some significance there for them as a couple?”
“If yes, IDK why she’s actually upse,t but I definitely would’ve recommended doing it BEFORE she’s all sweaty.”
“If no, why on earth would he choose that spot?”- EmployPutrid5016
“NTA.”
“I never understand when people ask for your opinion and then get mad when you give it.”-JadeArgonar
“NTA.”
“I figure that, if you’re filming your proposal, your proposee wants to look their best.”
“The gym is not the place to do that.”
“Your friend fumbled and doesn’t want to admit it.”- SockPirateKnits
“AT THE GYM!”
“NTA.”
“Your buddy needs some life lessons.”- ThreeFitty-350
“NTA and I hope you both dump this dude.”
“He clearly doesn’t care about or respect either of you.”- Space-Dragon26
“NTA.”
“What was he expecting?”
“Was there some reason the gym is special to them?”
“It’s the ONLY reason I can figure out that would even make this halfway acceptable.”
“As wonderful as it is to be proposed to, she was in the middle of a workout.”
‘She was sweaty and focused and probably confused.”
“Like what kind of low-hanging fruit BS proposal was this, anyway?”
“What I can’t figure out is why he thought this was a good idea.”- First-Stress-9893
It seems clear that the OP’s friend didn’t want feedback or advice, merely validation.
What he, and countless others, couldn’t seem to fathom was that those actively seeking validation very seldom get it.
One can only hope he gives his fiancée free rein when it comes to planning the wedding…