One always tries to be there for their friends when they need us.
But sometimes, there will be obstacles which make being there for your friends difficult, if not impossible.
Particularly if you are the landlord to the friend in question, as was the case with Redditor PenelopeDreddfull.
Heavily conflicted about a recent development, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), seeking feedback on a hypothetical “Would I Be the A**hole” (WIBTA), asking fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA for telling my pregnant roommate to move out?”
The OP first explained the living situation they currently share with this friend, as well as the challenges that came with it.
“I (31 N[on]B[inary]) own my house and I rent a room to my friend Rose (26 F[emale]).”
“We get along okay, but her life is a dramatic mess.”
“She has a long track record of making terrible decisions.”
“I try best to be supportive, but it’s draining being around her some days.”
The OP then revealed a new development in Rose’s life which added yet another challenge to their delicate friendship.
“Well a few nights ago she told me she got pregnant hooking up with her on-and-off a**hat friend with benefits (FWB) that she loves to hate.”
“Just before I went off on her for making yet another terrible decision, she said she was getting a termination and never going back to him.”
“I figured okay, problem solved, we had a chat and left it there.”
“But now she’s waffling on whether or not she wants to keep it, and is honestly considering going through with it.”
“I’m at the end of my rope and I’m going to snap.”
“The guy she got pregnant with already has a kid he doesn’t see, so he’s proven to be absolutely useless as a parent, therefore keeping it will result in her having sole custody.”
“I have supported my friend through eviction and unemployment, but I do not under any circumstances want to support a baby.”
“I’m childfree and don’t want to live with an infant.”
“I know it’s selfish of me to be like this, but that’s the line I draw in the sand.”
“But she’s in debt, flat broke, can’t drive, and honestly has nowhere else to go, nor can she afford a place on her own (I charge her way below market on rent).”
“WIBTA if I told her that if she keeps the baby she has 9 months to move out?”
“Her lease is up in January.”
“Depending on how our conversation goes I’ll either give her a new one from January to April, or I just won’t renew it altogether and she moves out in January.”
“Edit 2: Sorry for the confusion, but the baby would be due in July! “
“If I give her till the end of March or April she’ll have plenty of time to get settled before the baby arrives.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
While most Redditors acknowledged that the OP found themselves in a very delicate situation, to say the least, they were also fairly uniform in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole in this difficult situation.
Though many urged the OP that having a serious conversation with this friend was imperative, sooner rather than later.
“But I’d have this conversation as soon as possible.”
“That way she has enough time to make an informed decision.” – Caribe92
“NTA be a supportive friend, however say she needs to find a home for her and her child.”
“Be clear that you do not want a child in your home.” – JonathanWelford
Others felt that the OP had no need to apologize for not wanting a child in their life, and that giving her 9 months to leave was more than generous.
“Babies make a house miserable & sleep-deprived.”
“One thing if you want kids, another when they aren’t yours.”
“I’d STRONGLY recommend giving her way less than 9 months though….”
“Do the math on how long a legal eviction would take if she refuses to leave.”
“She needs to out before birth or you WILL be babysitting, buying diapers/formula, etc?”
“Because she sounds like someone who will just go out partying whether you agree to watch the kid or not.”- MuchPreferPets
“But you cannot give her 9 months as you will not evict a woman just about to deliver or with a newborn.”
“Give her 2 months, as in tell her two, and if she’s not showing any signs of moving get an eviction letter after 1 month.” – TwoCentsPsychologist
“You aren’t kicking a pregnant woman out of an apartment you are renting to her.”
“You are booting her from your house because you don’t want the noise or responsibility it will put on you.”
“Makes perfect sense.”
“The woman is irresponsible, anyway.”
“NTA.” – hdean667
Other’s pointed out that Rose’s previous poor decision making could likely find the OP ending up as the child’s primary caregiver.
“So she has no money, no way to get around, and wants to have a baby?”
“I wonder how long it will take before you’re stuck driving to all the baby related appointments and having to pay for stuff.”
“Babies are expensive!”
“You should shorten the time frame because you want her out before the baby comes and they can come early.” – Sweet_Persimmon_492
“Her poor choices are not your responsibility.”
“I would say don’t give her 9 months notice though.”
“You are going to end up her sole support and driver during this pregnancy.”
“Give her 30 days (60 if you are feeling generous), then thank your lucky stars you dodged that drama.” – platypusandpibble
Several also pointed out how the OP has been far more than generous to Rose already, and they need to draw a line.
“NTA, your house your rules, and she’s gotta learn to adult like the rest of us, even more so if she wants to raise a human being.”
“You’ve been too accommodating to her as it is.” – notrapunzel
One only hopes that this delicate situation will be handled with civility and respect.
And that this might be the beginning of the end of Rose’s poor decision making.