It's not unreasonable to expect loyalty.
Particularly at your place of work.
After dedicating years to the same company and proving your worth it's understandable to expect that all your hard work and dedication will likely result in a promotion at some point.
Sadly, however, this isn't always the case.
Something Redditor watashiwaikiru was sad to discover after being overlooked for a promotion they thought they had in the bag.
But after being criticized for how they handled this, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not training the person that got the job I wanted?"
The OP shared how they began to take on more responsibilities than normal at work after an unfortunate change in situation for their boss.
"Been with 'company' for almost 3 years, as Assistant to the manager."
"About 8 months ago my managers health took a slight turn, sucks, because they are a fantastic person, and they officially made me Assistant manager."
"Since then I have taken on a lot of my managers responsibilities and have run the department on multiple occasions while they were away for various reasons."
Upon the news that their manager was retiring, the OP assumed that a promotion was in their future, but was less than pleased to learn that they were wrong.
"A number of weeks ago my manger resigned and finished up a couple days later."
"I put my hand up for the role, all discussion with upper management indicated that I would be next in line."
"So for the next few weeks I carried on and ran the department as usual."
"I should add, with no issues."
"Last week, a new manager for the department was hired and they started a day later."
"I'm not sure why I was overlooked and nothing has been told to me, but the new person really knows nothing specific to this department.'
"Managerial skills are still yet to be determined, but I spent the next day essentially teaching them what to do from the ground up."
"This frustrated me and so I took annual leave all last week and my phone hasn't stopped ringing, because the new manager really doesn't know anything about our specific department, and they have no clue what to do day to day."
"I haven't been answering."
"Sure they might be a good manager with past experience."
"But if they were hired over me, then they should be able to do the job, right?"
"My friends are telling me I'm being petty, and that I should suck it up and help them."
"But I really feel if they wanted someone that could do the work, they should have promoted me to the role."
"My leave finishes soon and I'm conflicted on how I should proceeded."
"I've been intentionally vague here because I do enjoy my job and have no intention of leaving, but who knows."
"The leave was pre booked, but the did ask me to cancel it, which i declined."
"I actually do have something on."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed the OP was not the a**hole for not answering their phone to train their new manager.
Just about everyone was in agreement with the OP that whoever they hired over them should be able to handle the job without the OP's help, nor should the OP be training someone in a more senior position than them.
"NTA."
"If you aren't qualified to be hired in the role, you aren't qualified to train the person in the role."
"Their boss needs to train them."
"Once you're back in the office, tell them that they need to talk to their manager about getting trained."-teresajs
"NTA."
"You shouldn't be training someone higher up in the company than you."
"Their boss can train them."
"Don't answer the phone."- murphy2345678
"Sorry, if I'm not qualified to be appointed in this job I'm obviously not qualified to train someone for it'."
"NTA."-PattersonsOlady
'NTA."
"I don't think you're being petty."
"I do think you're being disrespected though."
"When you've literally done the manager's job, with no issues, and no pay reflecting that, but somehow you're expected to just carry on as if everything is okay?"
'And furthermore, they take it a step further by giving the job to someone else and expect you, effectively a subordinate, to train them."
"Godd*mn, management/ownership is trash everywhere lol."
"F**k that place."- Sushi_________Roll
"NTA, and you're not being petty."
"They hired someone without as much knowledge as you have, they can deal with the consequences."- ClothesQueasy2828
"NTA."
"This type of situation is so frequent in companies hiring out instead of promoting in."
"I don't think you're petty for taking your leave, you have the right to be upset over this."
"You are clearly qualified and experienced with the positions."
"It sucked that you didn't get it but I understand that you feel it's a waste your time training someone else to take over a job that you're perfectly capable of doing."
"If this is how your company works, I think it's best to look for some thing else."
"I'm sorry OP sounds like you enjoy your work, but is it worth it being kept in the position that you are with the knowledge that it is possible to keep being overlooked for managing roles/promotions?"
"Is there some type of manager you can speak to about why you didn't get the position?"
"Maybe it would beneficial to ask, that way it would help you determine whether to stay there or move on somewhere else."- Chantalle22
"How, by prioritizing the company during your vacation?"
"You're on leave, you don't have to answer the phone."
"It's disrespectful that they're even trying to get in touch with you."
"Please continue to treat yourself well!"
"NTA."-ginsengtea3
"NTA."
"Start looking for a different company."
"This is a slap in the face IMO."-Bonecup
"NTA."
"The one and only time I had to train my new manager, she felt threatened because I knew more than she did."
"I should, I'd been in the department for over 7 years and that point and she was just taking it over as a new assignment."
"She was so sweet to my face, told my every week how she couldn't believe I was doing so much more work than everyone else, praised me for various tasks."
"But she never once thanked me for working overtime for MONTHS to train her while also doing my own job."
"I'm salary so, not paid OT either."
"Gave me a crap rating at the end of the year, which meant no extra bonus, and told me I needed to learn how to manage my work better."
"I called her boss, told him I was done and why, and got moved laterally to a new role."
"Still feel ticked when I think about that though."
"The point is, people shouldn't have to train their supervisors."
"Maybe explain what your job functions are, but not be available 24/7 to hold their hand because they have no idea how the department works."-aztec1313
"NTA."
"I worked for a place as a temporary employee for almost a year."
"They expected me to train the people they hired as permanent employees while they would not hire me."
"I told them to stuff it and walked out."- Nocturne_Prime
"NTA."
"I have always refused to train anyone above me."
"This happened to at a cell phone store, and when the manager had issues, the also inexperienced district manager could deal with it."- TotalImmortal82
"Oooph, you should not have been answering your phone during that time off."-extrabigcomfycouch
"NTA."
"Maybe its time while you are on vacation, to look for a new job."
"I mean this job totally screwed you over, and now the new manager wants you to basically show him how to do his job."
"While you are on vacation none the less."-Xenafan1970
'NTA."
"I've seen a similar situation at my job."
"The difference is that my new manager is trained in a few areas."- Kitsumekat
"NTA."
"As long as you do your job, you're under no obligation to do anything more."
"If the company truly valued you, they would have promoted you."-Individual_Ad_9213
"NTA."
"I wouldn't have trained them at all tbh."
"I also would find a new job because if they don't respect me then why stay."
"Alternatively you can stay not teach them anything and then if they offer you the job take the title and then find another job as a manager somewhere else but you have the title you need to get a better offer."
"It really depends on your pettiness level."-BriefHorror
It doesn't look good for the company that one of their staff needs to train someone in a position senior to theirs.
It only further indicates they may have very well made a mistake in not promoting the OP.
Here's hoping OP's talents and dedication will one day get them the recognition they deserve.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.