Sharing a home with roommates is always something of a balancing act.
Particularly when it comes to what is actually shared.
Generally speaking, places like the living room, the kitchen, and the bathrooms are generally understood to be communal spaces. And a bedroom is considered your room, and yours alone.
Even though not all cohabitants necessarily feel that way.
Redditor Past_Yak_9832 shared a home with two other roommates.
Early on, they made an arrangement for their living situation that everyone seemed to be pleased with.
However, when one of the original poster (OP)'s roommates invited friends to visit for an extended stay, the OP found herself expected to make some concessions.
Concessions the OP was not willing to give.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not allowing others to use 'my office'?"
The OP explained why they were unwilling to share a room in the apartment she shared with two roommates:
"I (27 F[emale]) rent a house with 2 other girls Tessa (26 F) and Charlie (31 F)."
"It’s a 5-bed 3-bath with a finished basement, it’s in a pretty nice neighborhood, and we got it for a steal, so we’ve been here a couple of years."
"Onto the issue, I work from home, and Tessa has a hybrid schedule."
"When we all moved in, Charlie wanted us to pay more rent since we would be setting up offices in the 2 spare rooms."
"The basement is finished, so we offered for her to set up a space just for her down there, but she didn’t like the idea of being banished to the basement (her words)."
"So Tessa and I both agreed to pay a little more rent."
"However, my condition was that my office was not to be a shared space."
"Tessa didn't care about whether other people used her room, but this pissed off Charlie. Charlie started arguing with me about what if she has guests and what if she needs to use an office space for something."
"Tessa tried to diffuse and said her office could be a mixed-use room, but that wasn’t good enough for Charlie."
"After a little back and forth, she agreed to the terms, and it wasn’t really brought up again for over a year."
"Well, Charlie now has 2 friends coming in from Europe to stay for a couple of weeks."
"She gave Tessa and me a heads up the other morning, fine with us, we love having people come stay at the house sometimes too."
"She then slipped in that they’ll need to stay in both our offices since she doesn’t want them to have to put up with staying in the same room."
"I reminded her of my conditions of paying the extra rent, and all hell broke loose."
"She called me self-centered and a possessive weirdo and stormed off huffing."
"Even without the boundary, I can’t just give up my office for a couple of weeks."
"I would have to move my whole setup to my bedroom, and I have a job that requires me to have multiple screens going with the type of work I do."
"Tessa wants to keep the peace and offered to help me set up something in my bedroom, and that maybe I should just drop it."
"This is really the only issue we’ve ever had; it’s been a great roommate experience otherwise."
"That has me wondering if maybe I’m not being adaptable enough?"
"Total rent is 1800, Charlie pays 500, Tessa and I each pay 650."
"We split all utilities 3 ways except internet, Tessa and I split that since we need it to be high speed."
"The house is about 1600 sq ft without the basement, I can't remember the exact square footage of the basement."
"The offices are the smallest rooms, and I could technically move my desk into my bedroom."
"However, moving my setup to the basement would take extra work as my desk wouldn’t fit down the stairs."
"Charlie does not want her guests in the basement because it’s not as nice as the rest of the house, and I think it might be because my office and Tessa’s offices are pretty cute, we’ve decorated them pretty well."
"So, AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give up her office for Charlie's guests.
Just about everyone agreed that as the OP paid extra for her office, it was hers to do with as she pleased, and Charlie should not expect her to disrupt her life:
"NTA."
"You are paying extra for a room with the condition that it will be NOT shared, she agreed to that, end of the story."
"She is just trying to change the deal to suit her."
"Asking you to move your entire setup for weeks is also not a small favor, if she wants a room for her guests, that's a problem she needs to solve."- frostynina137
"Charlie wanted you to pay extra for using the second room as your office; you agreed."
"That office is, now, your space and your rules govern its use."
"Period, full stop, end of story."
"If Charlie wanted it to be a shared space, Charlie shouldn’t have insisted on your having to pay extra for it to be your space."
"As the old Starkist tuna commercials used to say, 'Sorry, Charlie'."
"NTA."
"Charlie played and lost a game of FAFO…and there are no consolation prizes."- PhilaBurger
"NTA."
"Its your office, not a guest room."
"Your job comes before her friends."
"Either they cram into her room or get an Airbnb."
"Get a lock for your office, keep it locked."- Beaumis
"NTA."
"You pay extra for the office space, you will be working in the office space; this is not Charlie’s to offer to anyone."
"If she doesn’t have room to house her guests without spreading into her roommate’s space, she does not have room to house her guests, period."
"OP pays 150$ per month for the office, and the basement is available, but Charlie does not want to use it."- dryadduinath NTA
"Your friend is acting pretty entitled if you ask me."
"It's your space, and you're right to set a boundary since you're paying more rent for this exact reason."
"She's lashing out because she doesn't like being told no."
"She could put her friends in the basement, it's only for sleeping anyway."
"Not to mention they should be happy they can stay somewhere instead of having to book a hotel."- ochtendsmoren
"NTA."
"You're paying for the space; it's your space."
"Full stop."
"The basement could be a nice retreat for guests."
"Or for Charlie, so her guests can have HER room."
"I cannot get over how often people want to volunteer other people's time/money/car/space/convenience/peace of mind."
"I have learned so much over the last year and a half of reading AITA and AITJ stories."
"Those who are quick to volunteer others can give their own first."
"Make sure you figure out how to put a lock on your office and bedroom doors, pronto."- koi_koneessa
"NTA."
"And get a real lock for your office."
"That is private space that you pay extra for."
"If you're worried about the landlord, just keep all the doorknob parts in a bag so it can be put back if the landlord wishes."
"It won't damage the door to change the doorknob."- rora_borealis
"If you do this even one time, then you can look forward to boundary stomping again in the future."
"Put a lock on your office door."
"You need your office BECAUSE YOU WORK FROM HOME AND you're paying extra rent for the space."
"It's a completely unreasonable expectation and ask."
"The answer is still a firm No."
"NTA."- DazzlingPotion
"NTA."
"Why can't they stay in the finished basement?"
"Or one stays in the basement, and the other has Tessa's space?"
"Your office is your workspace."
"Don't back down!"- Seeker_ofLight
"NTA."
"There’s no universe in which you are wrong."
"You all agreed on terms (you’re paying extra for a private space); she doesn’t get to change the terms now because it suits her."
"I’m guessing she’s already promised her guests individual rooms and will now look like an a**hole to them, so she’s taking it out on you."
"But you are good."
"She’s being ridiculous."- your-mom04605
Had all three roommates been paying the same amount in rent, then Charlie would have more right to claim the OP's office.
However, they agreed that, since the OP paid extra for that office space, the office was rightfully hers.
Interesting how Charlie never offered to pay the OP for use of the office during that time....
