As they say, sharing is caring.
Indeed, most people are raised with the belief that it is only polite to share things with others.
But sharing is a kindness, not necessarily an obligation.
After all, not everyone is entitled to all our things.
Particularly things that are very valuable to us, or things we won or earned.
Redditor Outside_Locksmith754 and his girlfriend divided up their shared expenses less than equitably.
With the original poster (OP) covering the majority of things.
However, when the OP recently came into some good luck, his girlfriend felt that she was entitled to an equal share of his earnings.
Which the OP wasted no time in flatly refusing.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to split a $500 raffle winnings with my gf?"
The OP explained how his winning a raffle resulted in some animosity between him and his girlfriend:
"My girlfriend (22 F[emale]) and I (22 M[ale]) of 1.5 years are on vacation with my family and we go to a cornhole tournament with my cousin."
"At the event there are a few raffle boards where you can buy a square for $10 a square and the winners can get various prizes."
"I bought 1 square on 3 different boards for $30 total, and I let my gf pick the spots were she would write down my name."
"Time goes on and somehow I end up winning the $500 board."
"To give some background in our relationship I pay for 80% of the expenses in our relationship, ie. going out to dinner, activities ect. and she then pays for the other 20%."
"However, when she pays she uses her parents credit card and not her own money because her parents can afford to do so and she is a college student."
"Then after I go up to collect my money my gf says 'oh so were going to split that 50/50 right?'"
"To which I respond 'umm no I don't think so'."
"She then continues on to ask me to buy her new shoes or new jeans with the money that I won, then finally she says that I should put the money in an account for an engagement ring."
"I again refuse to do any of those things and respond with telling her that I will pay for the drinks and food for the night, then take her out to dinner a different night."
"I also have to add that almost every time that I 'gamble', ie. buy 50/50 raffle tickets, play slots, sports bet, ect."
"She responds with something along the lines of 'you shouldn't be wasting your money on that you should be saving up for a ring'."
"It seemed kind of cliché to me that when I win money from 'gambling' she wants 50% of it but when I lose money she says how I shouldn't be wasting my money."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not sharing his raffle winnings with his girlfriend.
Many felt that the OP's resistance to share his winnings was more than justified, as he paid for the raffle tickets and he contributed more to their relationship, even if some felt that the OP needed to seriously reevaluate his relationship:
"22 yo, 1.5 years together and she's pressing you hard about getting married?"
"It doesn't seem like you're up for that."
"Maybe you need to have a deeper discussion about your relationship."
"NTA."- Click_To_Submit
"You paid for the chances for the raffle, you get the winnings."
"She's fine with you spending your money on her, but doesn't want you to spend it on fun things for yourself?"
"That tells me that she thinks YOUR money is HER money."
"NTA."- mdthomas
"NTA."
"There is no part of this story where she contributes 50% in her time, effort or funds."
"That being said.... Dude you two need to have a serious discussion about finances if you are considering proposing, this does not sound like a short term issue but a way of life."- catskilkid
"NTA."
"You're not married."
"She didn't wager anything she shouldn't reap the rewards."
"You might want to sit down and seriously consider if this is the woman you want to waste anymore of your time with, if you find this annoying now wait until you're married."
"Your money will be her money and her money will be her money."
"Also since she's concerned about you saving money for a ring for her ask her how much she's saved for your ring."- AgreeableDivide7484
"NTA."
"Too many have this 'what's yours is ours and what's mine is mine' attitude."- BathInternational103
"So your choices are to spend money on her, give her half the money, or save it for a ring for her?"
"What are the choices where you benefit from the outcome of your gamble?"
"I'm with you, paying for drinks for the night and a decent dinner date is more than enough consideration."
"NTA."- ClimbaClimbaCameleon
"NTA."
"She is getting the money."
"You're spending it on dinner and drinks that she's getting."
"She wants the cash and you to pay for everything."
"Pfft."- Tally0987654321
"NTA."
"My gf know that when we go out gambling I front the $ and I get all the winnings."
"She's got no complaints."
"She knows it'll get spent on her in one form or another eventually."- Immediate_Fortune_91
"NTA ."
"Be more discreet next time."- Only-Condition-8225
"NTA."
"However if you were going to share you should keep 80% and give the remaining 20% to her parents, that seems to be how the bills are split."- newprairiegirl
"NTA."
"Get rid of her."- EyezLo
"Subtle little thing, isn't she?"
"NTA."- reduff
"NTA."
"Can I ask if the roles were reversed would she give you half?"- Pleasant-Squirrel220
"NTA."
"But you are for carrying on with this needlessly dependent woman."-Time-Tie-231
"NTA."
"But you need to decide if you are gonna marry this girl or not man that's a long time she's clearly pissed about it."- flippityflop2121
"No matter how you got the money, it is YOUR money, not hers."
"It is up to YOU what you do with that money."
"Don't wanna split it 50/50?"
"That's great!"
"Do what you want with it."
"It's not up to her, it's up to you."
"Also pressing for marriage at 22?"
"Hell I'm 22 and I don't even know what I'm doing in life still."
"NTA."- No_Butterfly_820
"NTA."
"Your girlfriend's money demands are troubling."
"She is your gf, not your wife, not even your fiancée."
"You need to think long and hard about this relationship."
"However, I will say that as a boyfriend, after winning $500, it would be normal and appropriate to do something that is mutually enjoyable with some of the money, like going out for a nice dinner, or buying her a small gift."
"However, you are under no obligation to split the winnings wtih her."- jindoowner
"She's only in this for the money."
"Run, dude."
"NTA."- Weird-Roll6265
"NTA."
"And also WTF."- a**houlio
"NTA."
"The constant ring comments would make me want to leave."- cats4life100
"NTA."
"Tell her you are going to put the full $500 in a fund towards the legal fees for your prenuptial agreement."
"Your gonna need to spend at least as much on that as you do on the engagement ring."- Nothing-Busy
Redditors could sympathize with the OP's girlfriend expecting at least a small portion of the earnings, even if they didn't feel the OP did anything wrong by keeping them all to himself:
"I would split it with my boyfriend if he picked the winning numbers/placement."
"But I'd like to think if I were seeing someone for 1.5 years, I would actually like them or would have just broken up by now."
"NAH."- urgasmic
"NAH."
"You won because she picked those spots."
"She didn't put any money in so shouldn't EXPECT it, but you also only won money because she choose the spots."
"Should buy a nice treat for both of you with the money, like a nice outing you wouldn't normally go one."- Sweetcilantro
While a few had trouble sympathizing with the OP, feeling he knew that this relationship is on borrowed time while his girlfriend clearly has very different expectations, and thus was dragging her along:
"I don't think you really like your girlfriend."
"Are you sure you're not just stringing her along out of habit?"
"Soft YTA for the situation you describe."
"She was involved in picking the winning board, so some share of the money would have been generous."
"And if you're not going to be generous to your girlfriend... well, see my opening line."- AmbientApe
Even if the OP's girlfriend chose where to put his raffle tickets, the OP was the one paying for them.
Technically, this makes him the one entitled to the winnings. However, not sharing their winnings is the very least of the OP's current relationship problems.
Which need to be addressed in a serious conversation about their future together.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.