Lending money to people can be a precarious situation.
The act of lending can turn the best of relationships into nightmares.
Far too often, the borrowers don't pay back the loan.
There is always an excuse or just blatant disregard.
This is why some lenders have to get creative with ways to get their cash back.
Redditor Goldrubs1 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for refusing to keep covering my coworker's shifts when she still owes me $700?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I, 23 F[emale] work at a coffee shop with Kayla, 26 F. "
"15 months ago, she was sobbing about vet bills and rent, so I lent her $800 cash."
"We wrote it down, both signed it, and she promised to pay back."
"But I've gotten exactly $100 total since then."
"Meanwhile, she's out getting new tattoos, Uggs, concerts, the usual."
"I've covered at least 14 of her shifts this past year due to hangovers, dates, I'm tired, babysitter issues, etc."
"Never once complained."
"She has never covered for me, not even when I've asked in advance."
"Last night she texted begging me to take her opening shift today because she's exhausted."
"I'd just worked a double and was scheduled to close again."
"I told her no, that I'm done covering until she pays back the $700 she still owes me."
"She freaked out, called me heartless, played the single-mom card, and then posted a vague sob story in the work group chat. "
"Now half the team thinks I'm a harsh person for holding money over her head."
"I'm out almost $800 and tired of being her doormat."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for finally saying no?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. This seems very manipulative."
"She essentially scammed you of $700 and then repeatedly asked to cover her shift for unjustified reasons."
"Hangovers are entirely her fault, dates are her fault for scheduling, etc."
"She's using you to cover her arbitrary life issues, interfering with work, then plays the victim."
"If things don't go well, just take her to small claims at this point." ~ Outside-Bowler6174
"Exactly, she's using you."
'Whether she even sees it or not."
"I bet she does, but you're too nice, and she's figured that she can just walk all over you."
"And she did."
"Standing up to her is the right thing."
"Although she will likely decide you've been mean and use that as a reason to not pay you back because she thinks you owe her."
"You'll never see that money again." ~ Crafty-Asparagus2455
"NTA, as others have said, she's using you."
"I would tell her that you're going to be taking her a small claims court if she doesn't repay you."
"You can offer to make a payment."
"She gives you $100 a month if you want, versus a lump sum."
"Tell her, make no mistake, she needs to pay you back."
"And don't worry about what the rest of your coworkers are thinking."
"They can cover her if they're that upset about it." ~ Roadgoddess
"Sounds like you have other colleagues that she can ask to take over her shift for her."
"Let them know you'll send your debt-owing co-worker to them with hugs and kisses."
"Or they can put their hands in their pockets to pay you for her debt. NTA." ~ MidnightStarflare
"NTA. Ask the people who feel so sorry for her, where were they when she needed that money?"
"And why don't they chip in to help pay her debt?"
"People just want to be generous with YOUR time and money, but never their own."
"PS: Make note of as much info you can get about this person."
"I suspect she could disappear any day, and you might find yourself wanting to track her down."
"I'd also get up to speed about whether this would be eligible for small claims court (I have no clue) and what the process would be."
"It may come to that - you might never get the money back either way. Sorry." ~ wharleeprof
"NTA. Adopt the same 'couldn't care less' attitude she is demonstrating to you by not being accountable for paying back the loan."
"Who cares what the rest of the staff think?"
"It's not them she is using."
"Your mistake was not only to cover her loan, but also to cover her shifts."
"She correctly had you nailed as someone she could use from the get-go."
"Learn the lesson." ~ Mullein55
"NTA. You've just found the value of your friendship."
"Never lend what you're not willing to lose."
"It looks like you have three choices."
"1- Sue her for the loan; she's already proved it was a loan by paying back $100, so you should have no problem in court."
"2- Forget about getting the money back."
"3- Very unlikely, but hold out and give her time to pay you back."
"She has proven she's not your friend by effectively scamming you out of your money."
"Do you really need her in your life?"
"As you age, you will begin to understand this more, but people will prey on and abuse your goodwill." ~ The_Molemans_bawbag
"I worked with a girl who would ask to use my Amazon Prime to order stuff."
"The price would be like $22 and change with tax."
"When I brought her what she ordered, she would always be like all I got is a 20, can I get you later?"
"After the 3rd time I said nope, no more... that was over like $6 or $7 bucks total... $800?"
"Damn, I would take her to small claims court with your signed agreement. NTA." ~ IdolCowboy
"NTA. Blast her on social media too if she's gonna play the pity party card."
"Call her out for being ungrateful that you were kind enough to loan her money 15 months ago for her vet bill she couldn't afford."
"Make it clear that constantly asking you to cover her shifts means she's willingly making less money and not prioritizing her 15-month-old debt to you." ~ Illustrious-Bug-6889
"NTA, but the better answer would have been 'I'm sorry, I'm exhausted too, and I can't take this shift for you. I just worked a double, and I need some rest before I work closing tonight.'"
"The money should have been addressed as a separate issue, even though it affects your willingness to cover for her."
"It's too late now to keep them separate, but if you get flak for not covering or 'holding money over her head,' mention that you have covered for her many times and she refuses to return the favor."
"You loaned the money that she refuses to pay back as well."
"You have always been a team player and helped anyone you could, but there is a limit, and in her case, you're just done."
"What would they do if someone borrowed almost a thousand dollars and wouldn't pay it back?"
"What would they do if they'd covered for someone over and over and then that person kept refusing to cover for them?"
"Unless they would be totally ok letting someone use them that way, they should not be saying anything about the situation to you."
"If they say they'd keep helping her, let them know they can."
"She takes off a lot of shifts and will be looking for someone to cover them now that you're done."
"You'll let her know they're the ones to call."
"If she needs money again, you'll let her know they've said they would help."
"It's such a relief to know that even though you're tapped out, she's still going to be ok because you aren't the only team player at work." ~ readergirl35
"NTA, exactly, BUT... the issue you have with her owing you $700 *and* the issue you have with her expecting you to cover her shifts and then not doing likewise are *technically speaking* two different issues (obviously they are related; she is overwhelmed and self absorbed) and that's where you might run into some trouble here with your coworkers."
"When she asks you to cover her shifts, the correct answer is: No, I can't."
"No explanation needed."
"And the $700 needs to be a separate conversation, like can we establish a payment of $100 a month or something." ~ bladaster
"NTA, but I'm assuming you don't have a H[uman] R[esources] so you need to talk to your boss or whoever handles complaints."
"Take screenshots of the group chat and any other responses, then file a report that she's creating a hostile work environment for you simply for asking for your money back."
"She's older than you and has taken advantage of you because you're young."
"If anything happens, you can try getting a free consultation with an employment lawyer."
"You need to learn not to take any crap in the workplace now, don't let her single-mom sob stories get to you."
"If she has it so hard, she wouldn't be out partying, dating, and going out spending your money all the time." ~ Euphoric_Egg_4198
"Why didn't one of her gallant supporters take the shift for her?"
"They could even take on her debt if they're so selfless. NTA." ~ FoundationOk1352
"She's taking advantage of your good nature."
"One of those shi**y, unburdening, purity-stripping lessons that you're better off learning earlier rather than later."
"Good work setting boundaries, but politically speaking, if you'd told her this is the last shift you're covering for her until she starts paying you back, then you'd have had a better chance of getting your money back."
"Welcome to the world of cynicism." ~ philopsilopher
"NTA. She's exposed her true self."
"The others will see it soon enough."
"You are under no obligation to fill her work hours; that is her actual job."
"You have a life too."
"Not 700 dollars more for a life with tattoos."
"But that's your time off."
"Where's my money, by*tch?" ~ Crafty-Asparagus2455
Reddit is with you, OP.
You are NOT heartless.
Maybe taking her to court is a good idea.
She signed paperwork saying she'd pay you back.
That may give her the shock she needs.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.