I've worked for commissions before when selling appliances. My retail skills were always highly praised by my employer, so I don't think I behaved any differently when commissions were on the line.
But I definitely had coworkers that judged a lot of books by their covers. For example, my two coworkers ignored the older man in worn Dickie's work clothes.
Turns out he owned numerous high-end elderly housing complexes and was replacing all the washers and dryers. My coworkers had regrets and I had more than one substantial commission check—he'd only buy the many appliances he needed from me after that.
A woman who experienced poor customer service turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Wildkoala9009 asked:
"AITA for returning the bag my husband bought me because I didn't want the rude sales assistant to get commission?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I've never experienced a sales assistant being so rude to me before, so maybe I overreacted here, but last week I was looking for a birthday gift."
"There was only one free sales assistant and I could tell she didn't want me to approach her as she was intentionally avoiding eye contact and walking away when I was close."
"I waited 10 minutes in the hopes that another sales assistant would be free, but they weren't and it was getting late, so I approached the original sales assistant."
"She pretty much brushed me off without helping me, so I went back to browsing on my own as my husband was going to meet me there."
"When my husband arrived her entire demeanour changed and she suddenly wanted to do her job."
"I was looking at a bag that I would've bought for myself if it wasn't for the rude sales assistant."
"My husband asked me if I wanted to get it, but I said no as the rude sales assistant would've been the one to benefit from the commission as by this point she had come over and was offering to help us."
"A few days later my husband surprised me with the exact same bag. I asked him if he got it from the same place and if it was the same sales assistant who had helped him."
"It was, so I told him I wanted to return it. He knows she was rude and dismissive when I tried to ask her for help, but he still didn't want me to return the bag as he said I would be missing out because of a random stranger."
"To him the commission isn't a big deal, but I don't think she should benefit after how rude she was. If he had bought the bag with a different sales assistant I would've kept it but since he didn't, I returned it."
"Now he's upset because I returned his gift."
"AITA?"
The OP summed up their situation.
"I returned the bag my husband bought me."
"The reason I returned it was so the sales assistant wouldn't get commission from the sale and not because I didn't like the bag."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided there were no a**holes here (NAH) between the OP and their husband.
"NAH. I don't think your husband is an a**hole for not getting why you are annoyed and want to return. He in theory did something nice, he got you a bag you wanted."
"But I don't think you are an a**holoe for wanting to return it. Because even if you previously wanted the bag, you don't now."
"To me it wouldn't just be about the commission (though that would be part of it), but after having a horrible interaction with the sales associate the whole bag would be tainted."
"I wouldn't be able to look at it without thinking of the interaction and the stress it caused me and feeling a little bit sad or annoyed, especially when I knew she got the commission."
"Your husband wanted to get you a lovely gift. Unfortunately that bag from that person is no longer a lovely gift, but he wasn't to know, so I feel like neither of you are a**holes." ~ CheerilyTerrified
"NAH, except the sales assistant. Talk to the manager and repurchase the gift from another assistant (if they deserve the commission)."
"Make sure the manager knows how the assistant treated a customer. She was way out of line."
"But if you repurchase it from someone else, problem solved. Then your husband can't complain." ~ Careless_Channel_641
"NAH I guess, but pick your battles. I'm not sure why you would be so worked up over this."
"Working retail sucks so ya, that lady probably hates her job. Your husband did nothing wrong, why punish him for it?" ~ MAXMEEKO
"NAH. Instead of returning the bag, reach out to the GM of the store and explain your experience and disappointment with the conduct of the salesperson." ~ Humble_Pen_7216
"If you didn't want to deal with that sales associate, ask her (or walk the store and ask another associate) for a different associate that isn't her. Even better, ask for a supervisor and report her sh*tty work ethic."
"You might even get a discount for the trouble. And if you had asked in front of her for a different associate, she would probably learn a lesson faster from having her commission go to someone else right in front of her face rather than letting her effectively win in this situation and just not getting the thing that makes you happy."
"Also, you're giving too much thought and energy to this person (who definitely deserves to miss out on commission or at least have her bad behavior addressed) and letting it ruin a bag you like and a nice, thoughtful gesture from your husband."
"She won't think of you again, I guarantee it; and the fact that she dismissed you and didnt try to make a sale shows she cares less about the commission than you do (and you don't even work there)."
"I would get the bag being 'tainted' if she was aggressive with you, insulted you verbally, claimed dishonor on your mother, father, and your cow, etc... But there was none of that, she just brushed you off...you really think that in a year you'll be thinking about this experience with this handbag and that associate?"
"Doubt it. Next year you'll have a new handbag and be swapping this one out."
"NAH, but you should work on not letting people get to you so much; it's spoiling other experiences for you (and those around you)." ~ Kelsusaurus
A significant number went with the OP was not the a**hole (NTA), but many didn't specify if that meant OP's husband was.
"NTA. I would go back to the establishment. Find a different sales associate and return the bag. Then immediately buy the bag from the new sales associate."
"Old associate loses a commission and new friendly associate gets a commission. You have the bag you want and petty revenge."
"Everyone is a winner except the rude associate." ~ Nanabanafofana
"NTA—I would have done the same thing on principle. My husband knows me very well, and had we experienced this together (like you did), he would have gone back and made sure it was a different salesperson."
"I myself worked in retail for many years as a sales clerk and as a store manager. That behavior is unacceptable and one of the reasons many folks dislike shopping in-store rather than online."
"I went into a store with my sister in 2019, who is larger, and she was at the front of the store looking at dresses. I was in the back of the store, where I listened to the 2 salespeople disparage my sister for being fat and saying that she shouldn't be in the store."
"I placed my items on the counter, told them they were disgusting, and then walked out with MY SISTER—so they could see I was with her."
"I also gave them a TERRIBLE online review for fat shaming AND have never spent a penny there SINCE, ON PRINCIPLE." ~ banjadev
"NTA. That associate deserves to lose the sale. Speak to the store manager ASAP."
"My mom and my mother-in-law (MIL) became good friends after my husband and I got engaged. My mom flew from Alabama to Arizona just to meet her when she visited from the UK, and they paired up and left me and my husband in the dust."
"One day, they went out shopping together and were looking at expensive purses, my MIL a bit away from my mom. The salesperson thought my mom couldn't afford the purses and refused to help her."
"But then my MIL came over. The moment the salesperson heard her British accent, she was all over her."
"My MIL, though, had seen the whole thing go down, informed the lady that she and my mom were together and they turned their backs on the lady and walked out."
"That idiot salesperson missed out on two guaranteed large purchases that day."
"My mom and MIL stayed good friends until my MIL passed away four years ago. A photo of them during that trip was used on her funeral program." ~ savvyliterate
The OP got an assortment of advice, but most people agreed the return was justified.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.