We've all known someone who takes advantage of every opportunity they are given.
After all, 'Give an inch, and they'll take a mile,' was written for a reason, side-eyed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
One Redditor's roommate had recently started asking to use her car, even though she had one of her own, and each time she returned it, the gas tank was empty, and she 'forgot' to refill it.
When this happened for a third time, the Original Poster (OP) decided it was time to say no to any further free rides, despite her roommate's demands to 'trust' her that she would pay her back.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for telling my roommate she can't borrow my car after she 'forgot' to fill up the gas tank three times?"
The OP's roommate had recently started borrowing her car more regularly.
"I (24 Female) live with my roommate (25 Female), and we share a lot, except for cars. I have my own, and she has hers."
"Lately, she's been asking to borrow my car pretty often, which I was okay with at first. But she's 'forgotten' to fill up the gas tank three times now."
"The first two times, I just refilled it and told her to please be more careful."
But the third time was the final straw.
"Yesterday, she took my car to run errands and came back with the gas light on again."
'When I asked her about it, she said she 'thought it was fine' and promised to fill up next time."
"I told her I'm done letting her borrow my car until she shows she can be responsible."
The OP's roommate did not appreciate being cut off from the OP's car.
"She got really upset and said I'm being petty and that I should just trust her."
"I'm annoyed because it feels like she's taking advantage, and honestly, I don't want to keep paying for her mistakes."
"AITAH for cutting her off?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to keep letting her roommate take advantage of her.
"If the roommate had gas money, she probably would be driving her own car. She just doesn't want to pay for gas."
"Otherwise, why the h**l else would she be begging for someone else's car when she has her own? And then bringing it back with the gas light on and claiming 'she forgot'? THE GAS LIGHT LITERALLY WAS REMINDING HER ALL THE WAY HOME." - Burgerthyme
"It's way more fun to spend gas money on stuff for herself and then get offended when called out for literally getting a free ride. NTA." - bluespruce5
"She's 100% taking advantage of you. She didn't forget; she just wants you to foot the bill for her travel. She's using you to save money, and now she's trying to guilt you into letting her continue to do it."
"She has her own car, so what reason has she even been giving to use yours instead of just using her own? Stick to your guns, stop letting her take advantage of you." - KayleighGibson
"NTA. Personally, I would not have allowed it in the first place. The only person who has ever borrowed my car was my dad. And he only asked because he had an important errand while his car was in the shop."
"Guess what? He topped off my gas tank and bought me lunch."
"Constantly not refilling the gas... do you really need a reason to say no more?" - processedgrouch
"NTA. Why is she borrowing your car if she has her own? Oh, that's right, this one has 'free' gas." - No_Rent_5363
"NTA. To be trusted, you have to be trustworthy. She isn't. Plain and simple."
"OP trusted her the first time, and she didn't fill the tank. OP trusted that the first time was a mistake, but she repeated it a further two times. Three strikes, she's out."
"Now, OP trusts that the car will remain unused until she proves trustworthy again." - ZaharielNemiel
"Tell her that it's easy for her to earn your trust back, OP. You'll tell her the next three times your car is on empty, and she can go with you and fill it up. Problem solved."
"If she declines, she's admitting that she doesn't have a memory problem, she has a cheapness problem, and a taking advantage of other people problem."
"NTA." - Curious-One4595
"My grandma always said to be wary of people who say, 'Trust me.' They know they have either not earned that trust or have already lost it. The roommate, case and point. NTA." - IcestormsEd
"Remind her that trust is earned. Trust is based on experience."
"You gave her three chances to earn your trust. Three times, she has shown that when it comes to the car, she can't be trusted."
"No. NTA." - st_nick5
"Yeah, you trusted her the last three times to refill it, and she didn't. She's shown you a pattern that she can't be trusted to refill the tank and isn't responsible enough to borrow your car. NTA."
"Side note that unless you have insurance that covers her to be driving your car, you're taking a risk letting someone else drive your car. If she causes an accident or is in an accident, it's you and your insurance they're going after." - PuzzleheadedTap4484
"She needs a wake-up call via you telling her she's taking advantage and owes you money for fuel. If she doesn't pay, chalk it up as a lesson to never let her borrow it."
"Secondly, what if she damages the car? How much money will you be out then? Get you and your car out while you still can." - Chrips_1
Others pointed out that, for insurance purposes, the OP shouldn't lend her car out anyway.
"NTA, but for the sake of your insurance, you shouldn't be letting just anyone drive your car."
"If you live together, a lot of policies require the other person to either be listed or excluded. She may not even be covered driving your car." - NoPicturesAZ
"If she has her own car, she (at least in my state) is required to have her own insurance and prove it to OP's insurance company."
"That said, NTA. IF (big IF) you ever allow her to borrow your car again, she should be required to give you the money to fill the tank up BEFORE she gets in it. She won't, which means she can't get in.." - CreativeMusic5121
"She is burning more than gas. She is putting 'wear and tear' on your tires and car."
"The Government allows you to claim about 67 cents per mile driven to allow for depreciation. Keep that in mind. It costs you more than gas to let her borrow it."
"Also, if she has an accident and hurts someone, you may become liable, as well." - Beautiful-Bag-3629
"NTA. The roommate may be having money issues that OP doesn't know about... which means that they may have dropped their insurance and expect OP's insurance to cover them, as well. OP, beware." - twopointsisatrend
"NTA. She has her own car, and she's clearly seen the price of fuel, which is why she's sponging yours."
"The only way to 'trust her' is for her to cough up fuel money by way of apology, not offer words…"
"Don't let her use your vehicle. She's not paying fuel, and if it gets damaged, she won't be paying that, either." - Infinite_Hat5261
"Before lending your car to anyone, the first step is to check your insurance policy. There's a chance that any accidents your roommate causes in your car will become your financial responsibility."
"She really hasn't proven herself to be trustworthy in fueling the car. It makes sense that you would stop lending your car. Her entitlement isn't worth the risk." - Trick_Few
"That's a huge risk letting someone drive your car. What if she got into an accident? Her fault or the other person's? You are out of a car or now have a damaged one even after it's been repaired."
"If it's her fault, insurance rates could go up. Plus, the mileage she is putting on it, and wear and tear, including tires, oil changes, and maintenance."
"How does she drive? Hard on a car, avoid potholes, parking it where you get door dings?"
"Remember, this is not her car, and she's acting like one of those people who does not care about other people's property. She has already shown you she won't even return it with a full tank for the use of your car, but on empty. You gave her an inch and she took it a mile. Then calls you petty."
"Sure, your car is nicer, newer, and she looks good in it. It's free, even down to the gas."
"Don't let someone borrow your car. If they need help, you can drive them there or even gas money (it's cheaper than lending your car). Myself, I offer to top off their tank, and in doing so, if I had another emergency, they might be willing to lend a helping hand again." - bia834
"Please, never lend your car. Nothing good comes from lending anything, really, but when it comes to a car, you could find yourself in a situation that will cost you time and money to get out of. It could be life-changing."
"Your insurance company won't cover anything that happens while your friend is driving your car. Think about that. Your car could get totaled, and they aren't going to pay. Worst case scenario, your friend kills someone with your car, and you will lose everything. Stop lending your car... to anyone." - HappyGardener52
Even if it wasn't immediately clear to the OP, it was crystal clear to the subReddit that her roommate was taking advantage of her, her car's miles, and her gas, all on her dime.
Unless the roommate changed her ways and paid the OP back for the gas she already used, they saw no reason for her to have access to the OP's car again in the future.
But since she had her own car that didn't need to be repaired, maybe she should focus on using her own possessions.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.