Most of us go through a time in our lives when we’re no longer living with our parents, but we’re not making enough money to pay for rent by ourselves.
Despite our need for a roommate, sometimes we end up with such a frustrating one, we wonder if there’s some way we could make things work alone instead, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor UsefulEmotion5257 had been living with four friends, all of whom he got along well with. When one moved out, another had to move in, and he hoped for a similarly compatible situation.
But when the new roommate demanded that he wear more clothes around the house because they were uncomfortable seeing his skin, the Original Poster (OP) worried that they might have a problem on their hands.
He asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole for telling my roommate that I won’t be changing my habits because of him bringing his friends over?”
The OP and three other roommates had recently welcomed a new roommate.
“I (23 Male) rent a house with four of my buddies from college. We have done this for two years.”
“It helps that not only are we great friends, but we have a system of deciding house rules: a majority vote. Disagreements on cleaning? Majority vote. When to make quiet hours for the night on weeknights? Majority rules. It has kept everything flowing smoothly.”
“Anyway, one of my friends moved out last month to get a place with his girlfriend. He found a friend of a friend to take over his room.”
There was a catch with the new roommate.
“The guy was nice enough, but then he came to us with a ‘declaration.'”
“Apparently, he was uncomfortable that we’re not always completely dressed in the house. No one is a nudist, but some of will sometimes not wear a shirt or just be in pajamas or boxers or underwear when lounging around the house.”
“I admittedly am one of the two of us who does it the most, as I usually just lounge around in boxers or other underwear. We all met each other through a sport, so we’re comfortable seeing each other like that.”
“Anyway, I guess the new guy was caught off guard because he asked if we could constitute a clothing-on rule in the house. As usual, we did a vote, and the rest of us thought it was unnecessary.”
“So there was no rule, but I did start wearing clothes more, though, there were some times I didn’t bother (when I just woke up, after showering, when I was just coming out to my room for something, etc.). Just to be considerate.”
The new roommate decided to try to prove a point.
“Apparently, that was not enough.”
“I noticed that even though we always all gave notice before people coming over, he stopped doing so. I found myself a few times just in my underwear when he rolls in with a crew. Got a couple of weird looks, but I just excuse myself and get dressed.”
“I told him once that if he gave me a heads up, I’d be dressed before they got there, but he just rolled his eyes. One of my other housemates has also run into this issue.”
“Anyway, the other day he came to me, and my other housemate, and asked if his plan to shame us for never wearing clothes worked. We looked at him weird, and he said that he was purposely trying to embarrass us by having people see us.”
“We said we’re not embarrassed (we work out for a reason) and weren’t going to change his habit. He stormed off and started smack-talking us to the other roommates.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that by living there, the new roommate how to agree to how votes were scored.
“I get not liking that rule and asking for a vote. But part of voting is living with the result. So trying to change the result of the vote by bringing in randos on purpose to see them half naked is disconcerting. Clearly this guy does not respect any of you or the rules of the house. Find someone else.” – lelawes
“His behaviour was also disrespectful to his friends. If he didn’t warn the ‘shame crews’ he was taking away their choice to see people in underwear, as well as taking away his roommates’ choices on who sees them that way.”
“I personally wouldn’t care about seeing a shirtless guy in his house, but depending on religious beliefs and backgrounds of the friends of a bad roommate, they could be really unhappy with being set up this way.” – LJnosywritter
“NTA. You all voted, and the majority said no clothing rule, and you still tried to be considerate. He responded by ambushing you with guests to shame you and then bragging about it.”
“That’s petty and childish. He doesn’t get to join an established house and bully everyone into his preferences. You didn’t do anything wrong.” – FancyHazzel
“ESH. Very few people want their roommates to walk around in their panties. Just like very few people want their roommates to bring over unannounced guests. Both requests are reasonable. Y’all have to cohabitate. That means compromising is necessary.”
“If walking around in your whitey tighties is a dealbreaker for you in a roommate situation, please bring that up before the new guy signs the lease.” – Remote-Passenger7880
“NTA, but I think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect your roommates to be clothed in common areas. Even if he doesn’t personally care if y’all are in your underwear, he might have guests that are uncomfortable with it (girls or older people like his parents). No one wants to tell their mom to wait outside while they go check if their roommates have pants on.”
“Just throw on some ratty sweats and a t-shirt. It doesn’t matter what you wear, but “have clothing on” is not an unreasonable expectation. It is actually awkward when you go into someone’s apartment as a guest, and it’s filled with a bunch of scantily clad people of the opposite gender.” – Aachaa
Others thought it might be time to look for a new roommate if something didn’t change soon.
“You voted. He decided to try and change it by exposing you to random people. Sounds like he needs a, ‘This isn’t working out; we’re looking for a new roommate. Feel free to start packing now,’ talk.” – salmalight
“They can vote him out like they do on everything else and then talk to the landlord saying they no longer with to rent with him.” – Internal-Test-8015
“It’s not even about the clothes, but the new guy admitted he brought people in unannounced to shame you guys into wearing clothes? He’s the a**hole, and he’s gotta go.” – HipsEnergy
“NTA. I get that not everyone is comfortable seeing roommates in underwear, but then don’t move into a household where the people living there are frequently in their underwear. This was a simple issue of incompatibility, but the new guy made it very weird we he didn’t get his way.” – georgiechristine
“ESH, I’d say. He actively tried to shame you, which is obviously a terrible way to go about it, so he sucks, but I also think it’s fair to expect your roommates will be clothed around the house.”
“I do think your changes since the initial discussion could be good (maybe have a discussion about that, so he actively knows you’re minimizing it most of the time), but you didn’t specify if your other roommate, who does it is doing the same, so hard to account for that change.”
“I’ll also add that you guys may need a new system. Four friends doing majority votes is one thing, but this guy isn’t a friend and so it’s inherently bias against him as a system. You guys are gonna want to side with each other and be more prone to accommodate one another than you will the odd man out (and he’ll likely view it the same way).” – Nathan-David-Haslett
This was one of those weird situations where it was hard for the subReddit to puzzle out who was the most at fault. In most roommate situations, a voting system should work, but when it comes to something that involves the human body, the voting system should probably require that everyone says yes or everyone says no before a decision can go through. Otherwise, someone might experience something, even if it’s just seeing someone in their boxers, that they did not consent to.
But there was also the issue of accepting the place in the apartment and understanding that a voting system existed. If the new roommate agreed to use the voting system and abide by the decisions made by the system, than he needed to maintain that if he wanted to maintain his roommate status.