It's hard to upstage a bride at her own wedding.
As chances are, no one will have a more striking dress, nor will anyone likely be giving much thought to anyone else that day, with the slight exception of the groom.
Unfortunately, that doesn't stop some thoughtless people from making an effort to upstage the bride.
Nor does it mean that the bride won't feel like she is being upstaged, even when that truly isn't the case.
Redditor whatawitchx recently attended the wedding of a good friend of hers.
Upon arrival the original poster (OP) was struck by the fact that the bride and bridesmaids all wore a similar hairstyle to the one she had chosen for herself.
Unfortunately, the bride was struck by this coincidence, and made no effort to hide her displeasure regarding this discovery.
Wondering if she had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for wearing a 70's bump to my friends wedding?"
The OP explained how her going to a friend's wedding turned into a bad hair day for everyone:
"So I went to my friends wedding, not in the wedding party but a guest."
"I was never informed on what her dress looked like or any hair ideas."
"I typically wear my hair in a 60s-70s do whenever I go out or dress nice."
"It's just a thing I've always enjoyed doing."
"My friends know this about me and often send me TikToks of inspiration since I love doing funky things with my hair and makeup. Including this bride."
"Anyway, I show up in my usual do, bump in my hair and a dark green dress to fit in to her fall colors (bridesmaids dresses are like mustard yellow btw so I in no way fit in)."
"I was so excited bc I noticed that the bridesmaids also had bumps in their hair. not the same (my hair was down and theirs were pinned up)."
"The bride though, had her hair down with a bump."
"I am absolutely ecstatic!"
"My friends in the bridal party are also so excited and they mentioned that the bride told everyone to look at my insta for inspiration and Pinterest pictures to give the hairstylist (slay)."
"Anyway, the bride was not happy."
"I mean happy to my face but decided to text me 3 weeks after her wedding to tell me I'm an awful friend for having the 'same hairstyle' as her and that she was worried people thought I was trying to fit in?"
"What."
"The bride and her bridesmaids are all my friends but I was not a bridesmaid because she decided she wanted childhood friends (4) with her and we met in college."
"I never said anything and honestly didn't really care about all that."
"Well, apparently the bride got the bridesmaids to say I'm the bad guy and that I caused her so much stress."
"I told them I was genuinely confused why she was stressed if she used MY pictures as inspiration and yet expected me to not do my hair the way I like to do it?"
"Especially since no one told me lol."
"Anyway, AITA here?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for wearing her usual hairstyle to her friend's wedding.
Everyone agreed that since the bride not only used the OP's social media as inspiration for her and her bridesmaids' hairstyle, but also neglected to tell this to the OP, then she had absolutely nothing to be angry about:
"LOLOL."
"I loved that you were the inspo picture and got mad when you looked like...well....you."
"Amazing and NTA."- LowBalance4404
"NTA."
"She literally used you for inspiration and then got mad when y'all had the same hairstyle?"
"That's wild, and she's being irrational."- mtn-cat
"NTA."
"She used you for inspiration, then got upset that you looked like you always do."-Automatic_Serve7901
"NTA - this says it all."
"'I told them I was genuinely confused why she was stressed if she used MY pictures as inspiration and yet expected me to not do my hair the way I like to do it?'"
"She literally thought that because it was her day, that she owned your look."
"LMFAO!"
"Now that's some next level Bride-monster-from-Tokyo sh*t."- slap-a-frap
"NTA."
"If she had reached out and said, 'This is how I'm wearing my hair, I know this is in your wheelhouse, so would you mind doing something different so I can feel unique?'"
"You would have said sure, no problem!"
"But you're not psychic!"
"The bride is being ridiculous."-__The_Kraken__
"NTA of course."
"What did the bride say when you explained all of this?"
"How were you to possibly have known the direction SHE gave her bridesmaids, and she should have had a clue you would wear your hair this way, given you kind of always do?"
"I'm just wondering how she is backing up her anger at you with anything that makes actual sense."
"I'd love for her to point out what, exactly, you did wrong?"- LiveKindly01
"NTA."
"You wore your usual. I had curls in my hair for my wedding, I wasn't gonna feel threatened by everyone at the party with curls."- ZelaAmaryills
"NTA."
"Your friend is too immature to be married, hope it works out somehow."- CellistOk5452
"NTA."
"She knows how you like to do your hair, and even used your pictures as inspiration for her own wedding party's hairstyle."- Knightseason
"NTA."
"Why do so many people have such sh*tty friends that invite them to weddings?"- laztheinfamous
"NTA."
"Long story, but at a long-time friend's wedding, I wore a neutral with a pop of the wedding color in my shoes, because I also like to 'go' without spot-on matching."
"And I matched the bridesmaids exactly."
"They started down the aisle, and I was horrified!"
"We all had a good laugh, and the bride pulled me onto the dance floor for the wedding party dance."
"We still laugh about it to this day!"
"Sorry your friend isn't as lighthearted about it, but maybe she'll come around?"- theimperfexionist
"NTA, how were you supposed to know what hairstyle they were going to have?"
"And even if you did know, it sounds like it's your style, so not copying them."- redditstorylady
"NTA."
"Don't look to your pics as inspiration and be surprised you have the same style."- Lynnettey
"She based the hairstyles off your Insta and is mad you showed up looking like yourself?"
"Is she on drugs?"
"NTA."- mytoesarechilly
"NTA."
"And honestly, it feels like she was manufacturing a reason to be mad at you/get others mad at you."- lumoslomas
"NTA."
"Especially since she used your Insta and Pinterest for Inspiration!"- QL58
"NTA, but can you explain this bump?"- johjo_has_opinions
"NTA."
"It's hilarious, honestly."
"'I used you as inspiration. But how dare you dress like you normally do, which was how I was able to use you for inspiration?'"
"Also, are you a world-renowned psychic with a name like Xavier or Grey?"
"Because if you're not, how were you to know what her hairstyle would be?"
"I'm also not a renowned psychic, but I'm willing to be that what the bridesmaids said was 'uh huh, sure, lots of stress' to shut her up before walking away, rolling their eyes."- axw3555
"I have a big beard and moustache."
"Imagine if my friend got married, told all his groomsmen to check out my pictures because he wanted their beards and mustaches styled like mine and then got mad at me when I showed up with my usual beard and mustache."
"NTA."-Agent9262
"This gaslight would've worked on me."
"NTA."- pottersquash
"It's crazy that people this immature are allowed to get married."
"NTA."- Lucky_Volume3819
"The bride sounds horrible."
"Having three daughters, I am concerned with the ridiculous expectations of brides on bridesmaids and now even attendees that are being posted on here."
"If any of them acted even remotely this immature and like a child, I would pull the $$ plug and tell them to grow up."
"You are obviously NTA, but the bride is a massive one."- Classic_Might_5948
"NTA."
"Wedding culture is wildly out of control."- kimness1982
"NTA."
"It's how you wear your hair."
"And if the is worried her guests are dumb enough to think you were the bride or bridesmaid, she has big problems with the people she invited."- EfficiencyForsaken96
"Is there something else going on here where she's just using this pettiness to start a fight?"
"She's asking you to not be you AND to have a crystal ball that tells you that."
"NTA."- Pleasant_desert
No bride deserves to have attention taken away from them.
Even so, this particular bride could have avoided this had she given the OP advance notice.
Then too, the fact that this bride couldn't enjoy what should be one of the happiest days of her life over a similar hairstyle makes it seem like she needs to sort out her priorities...
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and IÂ got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.'Â And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.