We’ve all known at least one person who demands to be the center of attention, no matter what the occasion is.
But when we’re dating someone who turns out to be this way, we have to decide whether or not it’s a deal breaker, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Null-Pointer-Bro was looking forward to celebrating his birthday while many of his friends were in town, and his girlfriend was more than happy to plan something for him.
But when she invited more friends for herself than for him, and turned it into a celebration of her accomplishments instead of his birthday, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if it was worth continuing to date her.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for walking out of my own birthday dinner because my girlfriend turned it into her celebration instead?”
The OP was looking forward to his birthday now that his friends would be in town.
“My (25 Male) birthday was last weekend.”
“I don’t usually do anything big, but this year a bunch of my friends were in town, and my girlfriend (23 Female) offered to plan something.”
“I was genuinely excited. She made a dinner reservation at a nice place I’ve been wanting to try, and said she had a little surprise planned.”
But the party didn’t end up being anything like the OP might have expected.
“The surprise was that she invited a bunch of her friends, like, six of them, and they were people I barely knew.”
“One of them I actively dislike because she used to hit on me when my girlfriend and I first started dating. My girlfriend brushed it off, saying it would make things more fun and lively.”
“Whatever. I tried to roll with it.”
“But then at the dinner, it just got worse. She spent the entire time talking to her friends. I was seated at the far end of the table next to two people I’d never met. She didn’t even sit next to me.”
“When the food came, they all toasted her for organising everything and started talking about her upcoming promotion.”
“Her best friend gave a speech about how she deserves all the happiness in the world.”
“There was not one mention of me or my birthday. No cake, no toast, no happy birthday. Nothing.
I literally just sat there while everyone gushed over her for two hours.”
“Eventually, I got up, paid for my portion of the meal, said I wasn’t feeling well, and left. I didn’t make a scene or yell. I just quietly left.”
The OP’s girlfriend later tried to blame him for ruining her evening.
“Later, she texted me, saying I embarrassed her in front of her friends and ruined the night. She said she tried really hard to make it special and I was being ungrateful.”
“A few of her friends have messaged me, saying I was being immature and that it wasn’t that deep.”
“But I don’t know, man. Is it crazy to think my birthday should’ve been at least a LITTLE about me?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that this was a party for her and worth being upset over.
“NTA. She didn’t throw you a birthday dinner, she threw herself a dinner, but decided she could kill two birds with one stone if she lied and said it was for you.” – Lost_Needleworker285
“You’ve done nothing wrong. She didn’t throw you a birthday dinner; she organised a meet up with her friends whilst you were there. Did she even invite any of your friends?”
“She sounds horrible and only cares about herself. To say she made an effort when no one even said anything to you is crazy. You handled it well and should leave her.” – mileyxmorax
“Literal strangers will wish you a happy birthday if they know it’s your birthday. The fact that not even one of her friends did that suggests they didn’t know and were likely told the dinner was to celebrate her recent achievements.” – Bice_thePrecious
“NTA. I guarantee she didn’t even mention his birthday and just invited them for a get-together, thus making him look like the one who’s trying to hijack her event and make it about himself by bringing it up after the fact and not the other way around.” – bitofagrump
“I love that she was so mad about him being ungrateful for all the planning she did, when all she had to do was call or go online to make a dinner reservation, and text a few of HER friends.”
“I’m sure what she was actually mad about and felt ’embarrassed’ about was wanting him to stick around to foot the bill for all of them.” – Classic_Engine7285
“NTA. He made a clean break. Given that she owned nothing, she would have gaslit him further and then claimed he had no ground to stand on because he ‘expected’ her to pay after she’s done (long list of bad faith arguments about how wonderful she is).”
“He also paid because it removes the ability for folks to say, ‘Did he just leave without paying?!'”
“Clean break.” – ColonBowel
Others agreed and encouraged the OP to find a better relationship.
“NTA. She did a great job planning the end of her relationship.” – lwp775
“NTA. Next time she brings up how you embarrassed her, why don’t you tell her how much she embarrassed you by inviting people you hardly knew or didn’t even like, ignoring you, and making the evening about herself.”
“Speak up for yourself! You did nothing wrong. She’s the one in the wrong.” – Beach_Girl65
“There really shouldn’t be a next birthday together; he should just break it off and move on. Things will not get better with this self-absorbed b***h. He needs to dump her as soon as possible.” – Adventurous-emu-755
“This was so wild of her. No reason she couldn’t have had her little celebration with her friends (and OP) one day and then a little date with OP another day? This was such an avoidable issue on her part. She doesn’t sound like partner material at all.” – Pizzacato567
“She invited you to ‘her’ event.”
“She isn’t your friend or girlfriend. She’s really selfish, thoughtless, and self-centered.”
“She will never make you a priority. She will never be a partner.”
“You will never matter in the relationship. She loves only herself.”
“Time to move on, dude. NTA.” – grayblue_grrl
“You didn’t leave your birthday dinner you escaped an unpaid role in her self-produced documentary called, ‘How I’m Actually The Best Girlfriend Ever.'”
“Imagine being so deep in main character syndrome that you forget the literal plot. She threw herself a launch party for a promotion and used your birthday as the flyer. The only thing you did wrong was not leave sooner.” – Azurefawnglow
“You were grateful. You paid for your part in the celebration. If she were really putting together a celebration for your birthday, she would have covered the costs, and you wouldn’t have needed to pay at all.”
“This was a celebration for her promotion. If it wasn’t for that purpose, ask her why none of your friends/colleagues/family were invited to your birthday celebrations, and hers were?”
“If she felt embarrassed, good. She didn’t make an effort for your birthday. She made a restaurant reservation for your birthday. That’s all.”
“She needs to up her game, or you need to find a better girlfriend. If walking out of the restaurant after paying for your part and heading home ruins a night, then her definition of what ruins a night needs updating.”
“Honestly, at this point, I’d be wondering how compatible you are, and I’d consider ending the relationship. NTA.” – Powerful_Put_6977
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an unfortunate update.
“We talked. She doubled down and said the dinner wasn’t just about me, it was a chance to celebrate us and her hard work planning it.”
“She admitted she didn’t invite my friends because they wouldn’t vibe with her circle.”
“She still didn’t say happy birthday, and there was no apology: she just told me I was being dramatic and should be thankful she even organised something.”
“I guess the dinner really was all about her. So yeah, I ended things.”
“I appreciate all the support, tough love, and even the chaos. Y’all helped me dodge a massive bullet.”
“Anyway, I’m doing good. I took a few days to breathe, blocked the ex and her groupies, and treated myself to a birthday dinner that was actually about me, with people who give a d**n.”
“I appreciate you all.”
The sub was relieved that the OP left a relationship where his girlfriend only valued herself.
“When she said, ‘She admitted she didn’t invite my friends because they wouldn’t vibe with her circle,’ she said the quiet bit out loud. She was the priority.”
“I wonder if she even bothered to tell her friends that it was the OP’s birthday.” – Beth21286
“She didn’t invite your friends because they wouldn’t vibe with her circle… during the one year you were excited to celebrate your birthday because your friends would be in town for it. NTA. I’m so glad she’s out of your life.” – AlienRosie75
“Sounds like you were dating my ex-wife, who went out of her way to be the party planner of the family, only to make every celebration about herself, whether it was literally about her or about how great of a job she did planning. Seriously, I’m glad you got away faster than I did.” – GeneratedUserHandle
“You weren’t dramatic, you were disrespected. A birthday should be about you, not a stage for someone else’s ego. You did the right thing walking away, and even better ending things.”
“Next time, celebrate with people who actually celebrate you.” – prettyy_pretty
“NTA. On the plus side, Happy Birthday! I hope you have a much better girlfriend when your next birthday rolls around and you can celebrate with your friends!” – NoahVail2024
While the subReddit could reason out the girlfriend mentioning her promotion at her boyfriend’s dinner, or even inviting a friend or two of her own to make the evening more fun and comfortable for herself, they could not believe that she offered to plan a birthday party for the OP and instead gifted him a promotion party for herself.
It was clear that this relationship was not going to last forever, because if you can’t even put your partner first on their birthday, what other sacrifices will you expect them to make, while getting nothing in return?