Humor is subjective.
With this in mind, not everyone will find all jokes funny.
Rude humor which is made at the expenses of someone else is an even more complicated mattter.
As while the jokes might elicit laughs, is it really funny to deliberately mock or belittle someone?
Redditor recently had an unfortunate interaction with a customer while at work.
As this customer made jokes that were deliberately at the original poster (OP)'s expense.
Jokes the OP had trouble "laughing off", resulting in the OP calling her husband this customer out for his behavior.
After some blowback from her friends, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not just laughing off a customer's sexist remark?"
The OP explained why they had trouble ignoring what a male customer said to her:
"OK so I shared this in a group chat of an interaction I had today, exactly the way its written below."
"I thought it was just humorous, and I get told that I 'probably made that poor man feel bad' for just trying to give me a compliment."
"For context I'm a woman and a window cleaner by trade and have been for years."
"I obviously am required to lift heavy things etc which I do with no issue."
"Up a very tall ladder doing window cleaning."
"Resident of apartment building at the bottom of the ladder watching."
"Him: Oh wow, did ya boss get a pay out from the government for hiring you?"
"Me: (still up the ladder, legitimately looking down on him) What for?"
"Him: Oh you know there's all kinds of grants out there"
"Me: What do you mean?"
"Him: Yeah you know how they pay sometimes for women to be hired for stuff like this."
"Me: Stuff like what?"
"Him: you know, a man's job, stuff like this ladders, manual labor."
"Me: Whats a man's job?"
"Him: (finally catching on implying the only reason I might be hired is if my boss was offered an incentive might be a tad offensive) Oh yeah I didn't mean anything by it my mate works in yada yada blah blab blah .. and he got a grant to hire a woman laborer. All power to you though."
"Me: * silent*."
"Him: but yeah you are doing a good job I didn't mean anything by it."
"ME: Oh you were complimenting me?"
"Him: yeah."
"Me: Oh yeah your welcome no worries."
"So yeah that's it."
"P.S I have my company logo on etc so I wasn't going to pop off and I do honestly think this dude thought he was being nice."
"I'm not too invested either way."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for clapping back at her customer.
Everyone agreed that the OP did absolutely the right thing in calling her customer out for his misogynistic joke, a joke which none of the Reddit community found remotely funny.
"NTA, you were polite."
"I think you handled it perfectly tbh, sometimes treating stupid/offensive remarks completely literally makes the person realize for themselves, which should (hopefully) have far more impact than you telling them."- TeenySod
"NTA."
"Keep looking him in eye and keep asking 'why'."- blueyedwineaux
"I feel I'm missing something."
"I don't understand how that's being nice or a compliment."
"Wasn't he directly insulting you by implying that you only have a job because boss gets paid for diversity hires, and not your own merit?"
It's ignorant at best, insulting at worst. Where does a compliment come in?"
"NTA."
"Either way."- stophittingthyself
"NTA."
"I'd have gone with something like "'Wow, its so rare for people to say those kinds of things to women out loud these days'."
"Most people aren't so bold to share their antiquated views with strangers."
"Crazy."- apothekryptic
"You handled the interaction really well, actually!"
"Did he maybe feel uncomfortable about it once he realized what he was saying was offensive?"
"Maybe."
"But it's okay to make someone uncomfortable when they're saying sexist / racist / classist / ageist / ableist things."
"Our mission in life is not to keep everyone around us as comfortable as possible 24/7 (although for some reason some people still think that's what women are supposed to do)."
"You didn't even berate him."
"You just politely asked questions."
"NTA."- smallishbear-duck
"So far NTA for laughing it off that it's not even funny."
"But you could still definitely have fun with it."
"Let me give you the kind of response that I would give, as a cranky, perimenopausal Australian woman."
"'Oh, I wasn't aware that a penis was required to wash a window'."
"'How exactly does that work?'"
"'Do you have to bar up to get the job done?'"
"'Must be pretty tough to work with everyone watching, judging and making assumptions of you based on your d*ck'."
"'Kinda the same as judging and making assumptions based on the lack of mine'."
"'But here we are I guess'."
"All said with a huge sh*t eating grin on your face so they don't know whether you're making fun of them or yourself."
"There's a reason I could never do a customer service or customer facing job."- TrashPandaLJTAR
"NTA."
"As a tradie for 20 years, your best response is to make them explain their sexist/racist/bigoted comment."
"It's less common now that we have more and more women in non-traditional jobs, but we still get way too many a**holes like that guy."- AtmosphereOk7872
"NTA."
"That is a super inappropriate comment to make on a job site and you did the right thing by not entertaining it!"- randomaccount363892
"NTA."
"You handled that perfectly."
"You made him realize his own sexism by calmly asking him simple questions."
"If he felt bad, well.... he should have."- Delicious-Mess-1562
"NTA."
"Not sure why he felt the need to comment on someone just doing their job, but maybe you should have thanked him for his unasked for opinion."- lord_buff74
"NTA."
"He was an a**hole."
"When he was asked to clarify he realized he was indeed being an a**hole."
"That is on him."- Individual_Metal_983
"Ugh."
"I hate this."
"I drive trains and a man once said to me 'it's a good job you don't have to park it'."
"I had just driven into a major London station and 'parked' perfectly."
"Never let men get away with diminishing you!"
"I wish I'd had the presence of mind to say something, I was literally so shocked at his audacity that I just stood there with my mouth open as he walked away."
"NTA."- Choo_Choo444
"I honestly do not understand why you would be the AH."
"He was sexist, you managed to let him learn that in a polite way."
"People telling you you did wrong are AHs."
"NTA."- redditstinkttotal
"NTA."
"I am a women engineer & also do traditionally male hobbies football (soccer), cycling, etc."
"I have dealt with stuff like that my entire life, and think you handled it well."- Linkcott18
"NTA."
"He was being insulting, not 'trying to give you a compliment'."
"Kudos to you for turning it around."
"Don't understand why your friends would care about this man's feelings when he's the one who started it and was being rude."- Nashiker2020
"NTA."
"Misogyny should be called out at every opportunity."- use_your_smarts
"NTA."
"You clearly can't tell him to f*ck off as you're in your work uniform, but making him explain himself was the way to go."- NiobeTonks
"NTA."
"I think you reacted perfectly."
"He was obviously being an AH, but you were at work, wearing a company logo and representing a company."
"You made it clear to him that what he was saying was problematic and you did it in a calm, clear and professional manner."
"You handled the situation excellently."- Triny123
"NTA."
"He was the one being rude."
"I actually thought you handled it well."- Muskiecat
"NTA."
"But the world is full of them."- ImAMorty777
"NTA."
"Chef's kiss responses in my opinion."
"Couldn't have handled that any better."- dude_wheres_the_pie
"NTA."
"But the guy knew he wasn't being nice...that's why he backtracked."
"You handled it perfectly."- KokoAngel1192
"NTA."
"If you were on a construction site, carrying 50-70lbs bags of cement up that ladder to the 3rd floor of the half-finished building, then maybe the guy would have had a point, but f*cking window cleaning?"
"You can just as easily say its a 'woman's job'."- seckarr
"NTA."
"Stellar response."
"He clearly hadn't thought any of this through, and you kindly gave him the space to do it then and there :D."- GREAT-WHITE-SHART
It's hard to imagine how this customer thought the OP would be amused by anything he said.
Nor does it seem likely that he truly "didn't mean anything by it", like he said.
Perhaps most perplexing of all, however, is why he thought it was appropriate to distract someone while they were in the middle of their work?
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.