Over-sharers are impossible to detect with the naked eye.
They appear quiet and polite enough at first, rarely betraying the tidal wave of loaded personal details they’re about to unleash when they have you in a corner.
One Redditor found that out the hard way, and she posted about it on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as aita-dudewtf on the site, kicked off with a title that illustrated her frustration.
“AITA for very sternly telling some dude I just met that I’m not a therapist and then just leaving the conversation?”
It all began normally enough.
“Over the weekend, I [27-year-old female] went over to my friend’s [28-year-old male] little get-together. there was only like 10 people total.”
“at one point I stepped outside to smoke some weed and to just be alone. and a dude (30s?) that I just met the same night also comes out.”
“we were chatting, trying to be quiet as to not disturb the neighbours since at this point it was 1 am.”
But normal only lasted so long.
“but then he just starts laying it on me, talking about how much his life sucks and that it’s good to be around people.”
“I was just stuck awkwardly listening to him and giving him generic answers like ‘ah yea that sucks’ or things along those lines.”
And it went on.
“but he kept at it, then started saying creepy-a** sh** like ‘I hadn’t been with a woman in 5 years’ and even told me his kid was aborted because the ex didn’t want to have his baby??”
“like bruh… I don’t need to know this info.”
Eventually, OP reached the end of her rope.
“I finally finish my joint and got up and said I was going back inside, and he tried to stop me and said ‘I thought we were having a nice conversation, kinda hard to talk inside’ and i look at him and said ‘dude, i’m not a therapist, I just came out to see my friend (the host)…’ “
” ‘…like I get you’re having a rough go at it, but honestly – I kinda see why girls don’t want to be around you if this is what you talk about on the first meeting, nice meeting you tho’ and then I went inside.”
OP heard about it all the next day.
“He never came back in, so I assumed he just went home.”
“my friend texts me the morning after saying that I shouldn’t have said what I said to his friend since he’s apparently really bummed out now and asked for my side of the story…”
But OP had her own views.
“…I tell him what was described above and he still says I shouldn’t have told him that I didn’t have to ‘knock him down a few pegs’ since apparently it took my friend a lot of convincing to get the other dude to come out.”
“wanted some outside perspective here, AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors were just about unanimous in their support of OP.
They could practically feel her cringing.
“NTA If he doesn’t want to be treated like a creepy AH, he needs to stop acting like one. He isn’t owed attention from you or anyone else.” — Jazzlike_Humor3340
“NTA As a female you know what is best for your safety and security. It sounds like you were getting creepy vibes and you deliberately laid it into him so that there is no misunderstanding from you that you are not interested in engaging him in any capacity.”
“You may had come out as harsh but at least he knows where you stand. Women got to be proactive with their safety.” — hello_friendss
“NTA His behavior was cruel. He was manipulating social etiquette to put you into an uncomfortable situation. You refused to put up with that… after humoring him for a while.”
“He needs to learn to treat other people better, even if he’s having a tough time of things. You also were helpful in pointing out that he should be unloading these things to a therapist.” — sqitten
“NTA. It’s weird and it puts you in an uncomfortable position. You wouldn’t have had to tell him all that if he hadn’t stopped you trying to go back in.”
“You’re not a therapist, or an emotional support person, you’re a stranger and it’s uncomfortable and unfair to be locked into talking to a person that makes you uncomfortable just to spare their feelings. Your ‘friend’ needs to get a fu**ing grip.” — PeteyPorkchops
Others had a problem with how OP’s friend responded to it all.
“NTA. Maybe your friend should have let the dude vent to him, if he’s so concerned for his well-being.”
“You were polite until you were pushed. Also, from my experience with guys who whine to women they’ve just met about not being laid in a long time: he was trying to hit on you, and you definitely do not owe some stranger a pity-screw.” — AliceInWeirdoland
“NTA You’re friend gave you the ‘you should have been nice’ lecture?”
“Does he even know how many women find themselves in really terrible situations because of society’s expectations they should be ‘nice’ even when facing fu**ing creeps?” — Infin8Player
“NTA. But your friend (host) is every bit as much of an a**hole as his friend. He obviously values his friend’s male fragility above your personal safety and autonomy. He’s not a good friend.” — TurtleTheMoon
OP circled back to let to update the Reddit community.
“as for the update portion – my friend (the host) actually found this post, and it’s pretty evident that it was me and I forgot that he was originally the one that introduced me to this sub, and you all also knocked some sense into him and he called me up to apologize.”
“we talked it out and he apparently didn’t know the extent of what his friend was talking about, since I gave a very short form of the post through a text message. (as i felt that it wasn’t my place to go into detail about his friend’s sex life)”
So according to all involved, it appear the over-sharer is the clear issue here.